Women of Reddit: How do you deal with workplace cliques?
I (late 20s) work in a very small office of about 14 people. There are only five women in the company, including me.
Originally there were three women, then two of us joined later. Over time, the other four have become extremely close, and lately I've been struggling with how to navigate it.
They do almost everything together.
They buy food together, eat lunch together every day, bring treats for each other, gather around one desk chatting for 20–30 minutes during work hours, go out together after work, and even meet on weekends. Recently they went out for a girls' outing and I wasn't invited.
Their conversations are usually about their marriages, husbands, relationships, and family life. They're very open with each other and update one another about very personal things going on in their lives.
I honestly suspect they even have a WhatsApp group that I'm not part of, although I don't actually know…
The thing is... that's just not me.
I'm quite career-focused. I enjoy my work, I'm studying for certifications outside work since I’d also love to venture in to entrepreneurship eventually, and when I have free time at the office I'm usually reading or learning something. I don't naturally enjoy discussing my private life at work, and I prefer keeping work and personal life fairly separate.
What also makes it harder is that the culture has become very "girls only."
If someone brings treats, it's "for the girls."
If they're going somewhere, it's "the girls."
They seem to avoid doing things with the male colleagues, and sometimes when they're together they complain about or criticize the men in the office. I've never really liked that dynamic because, to me, work is work. I'd rather have good working relationships with everyone regardless of gender.
There's also one of them whose communication style makes me uncomfortable. She'll make comments about my clothes, ask personal questions about whether I have a boyfriend, or say things that feel quite rude, then immediately laugh and say she's joking. After a while those "jokes" stop feeling like jokes.
Now I sometimes catch myself wondering whether I should start bringing food or buying treats just to fit in, even though I'm on a budget and I don't want acceptance to depend on spending money.
To make matters worse, the kitchen area is directly behind my desk, so they often stand there talking loudly while I'm trying to work. I've reached a point where I usually just put on my AirPods and focus on my work instead of trying to join conversations that don't really interest me.
The strange thing is this:
When they went out without me, I felt left out.
But if I'm completely honest, if they’d invited me, I probably would’ve gone just so I didn't feel excluded, not because I'd genuinely enjoy hours of conversations about relationships and marriages.
So now I'm conflicted., am I isolating myself because I'm naturally more private and career-focused of is this just one of those workplace cliques that you accept and stop trying to break into?
I'd especially love to hear from other women who have a similar experience how they’ve navigated it.