I don't like my 6-year-old.
I feel bad typing it. But it is what it is. I do not like my 6-year-old daughter. I love her. Every day she can be very sweet but she is also incredibly unpleasant to be around. She is rude, mean, stubborn, and will unleash fury when she doesn't get what she wants - I'm talking screaming, crying, hyperventilating, yelling at her father and I that she doesn't love us, and sometimes getting physical like pushing.
She has a "moment" at least once a day to varying degrees.
I have a 12-year-old stepdaughter who is super easy and kind. I have a 4 almost 5-year-old son who is so easy going and sweet. My daughter has been like this since she was 4. Every day is wearing on me. She's exhausting and making me hate my life.
We spend lots of time together intentionally because I do work a demanding job as does my husband so we carve out time every day and plenty on the weekends to spend time as a family. But my daughter will find a way to make it unpleasant for everyone.
I've read How to Talk to Little Kids and implemented tools from it. No go. Recently I read Explosive Child and have implemented the advice from there. She is not willing to participate. She stuffs her fingers in her ears when I try the empathy step when she's in a good mood and growls at me. I never try to have discussions when she's emotionally heightened but when I try when she is neutral or happy it puts her in a bad mood.
Previously I've tried punishments - time outs, taking away things or privilege, even once (and I'm ashamed to admit it) I spanked her. The only thing I can say is that since trying to implement tactics from the books her breakdowns are not as severe or long as when we were "laying down the law" but they still happen.
I don't even know the right course of action anymore. I truly do not believe she has anything going on like autism or ADHD. She can be an exemplary person. She shows us how much she loves us every day but she'll turn on a dime. I feel like we are all just waiting for a ticking time bomb to explode.
I feel lost and every day it takes my husband and I maximum effort to not lose it on her. I just don't like her at all. If I'm being honest, I resent her at times for the total misery she puts her siblings through
The only silver lining is that I've heard great things from her kindergarten teacher that she is incredibly kind at school. I'm very worried though that after this summer her behavior will seep into first grade and we will start getting calls/negative feedback.
I feel like a failure.