▲ 2 r/AskHRPh+2 crossposts

Suspended since 8/7 on full pay. First disciplinary hearing was adjourned due to conflict of interest with investigation Mgr. Awaiting outcome of 2nd Investigation meeting.

Hello,

I am interested in getting opinions from people with experience of HR matters in regards to my Case.

I work in a Contact centre and have worked their since February 2025. I initially worked on a team for about 5 months dealing with a wide variety of queries, but I struggled on this team due to not feeling sufficiently trained to deal with some of the types of calls that we received.

I was then offered a move on to a different team which I jumped at. The reason for the move was unrelated to my struggles but I saw it as a good opportunity to stay with the Organisation and start afresh on a different team dealing with more specific queries.

I did some e-learning in my first week on this new team and then had a week's annual leave.

I take medication for diagnosed mild depression and began struggling with my mental health during those first 5 months, and had increased symptoms of anxiety and OCD. I hoped the leave would help me recover, but when I returned to work to start on my new team I felt overwhelmed and felt unable to work.

I spoke to my GP and my medication was increased and I was put on a waiting list for some talking therapy. I self certified for 7 days and was then given a further 2 weeks sick leave by my GP. After about 3 weeks I felt able to work and managed to start on my new team and begin to establish myself as a valued team member. I had good support from my Manager and HR during this time.

Our main role is to answer inbound calls but when it gets quiet there are task lists that we can work on where we can make outbound calls to clients. There are various targets we have to meet based on the calls that we make - such as AHT, Wrap time, financial outcomes etc, and the success in meeting these targets is invariably linked to how many calls you take.

I have struggled completing tasks / callbacks as I find that I overthink the task description and this causes anxiety, which has had an effect on the amount of tasks / outbound calls that I make, which in turn effects my stats /targets.

As a result of this I was spoken to by my Manager and coaching sessions were arranged with the aim of trying to improve my stats.

Within the coaching sessions I explained my struggles in completing tasks, and suggestions were made to try and help improve my confidence as it was affecting my stats and overall performance.

As part of the coaching sessions I explained that I struggle with queries that appear complex, and also struggle making outbound calls when it involves the use of an interpreter service (language line) as these calls can be very lengthy and I do find them stressful and very difficult. I explained that I do tend to 'cherry pick' tasks so as to avoid potentially difficult calls and I admitted that this included avoiding calls that I felt may have needed an interpreter.

I also made observations that I did feel that some Clients abused the system and this affected my motivation and willingness to undertake some callbacks (The Organisation is a Charity and we provide financial and other support to those in need).

For context I had experienced a long language line call with a Client previously which I had found particularly challenging and which resulted in me deciding to leave work at lunchtime and not return.

My comments were taken to mean that I think that all clients that require the interpretation service are abusing the service, which is not what I believe or meant. It was just that this call was fresh iny memory and I was recalling my frustrations with that particular call.

In an ill advised attempt to justify myself I did note that the majority of clients on the task lists had non-English names which in hindsight was a clumsy statement to make.

For added context there are no set rules on how many tasks you complete if the phones are quiet, and all team members can pick and choose which callbacks they action.

Also, for further context, in my appraisal I did feel it was important to be honest about my struggles and so I did state, when asked to comment on how I met the value of being inclusive, that I sometimes struggled to remain impartial and that this was an area I was conscious I needed to improve on. This was again a reaction to the call I had taken recently, and an acknowledgement of how frustrating I had found it.

The day after my 3rd coaching session I was informed that I was suspended on full pay due to allegations of discrimination.This was on the 8th July. An investigation meeting was then arranged the following week on the 14th July and this was conducted by my own Manager.

On the 17th I was then invited to a Disciplinary Hearing and was sent an Investigation report that had also been compiled by my Manager. It was alleging gross misconduct and threatened summary dismissal if found proven.

I paid for Union Representation and my Hearing was adjourned due to my rep arguing that the investigation was flawed because it had been conducted by my Manager who had also instigated the disciplinary proceedings, so it wasn't a fair investigation process.

The next day HR agreed to re start the investigation with a new manager with no prior knowledge of the Case. I have since had an investigation meeting with this manager on the 7th August and am awaiting his decision on whether it goes to another disciplinary hearing.

It's been nearly 6 weeks now so I'm just wanting to get some advice or opinions from those experienced in such matters as to what you think the outcome of my Case will be? I have advised my rep that I no longer want to work for the Organisation and he has suggested that we aim for a settlement with the Organisation, so I was also wanting to know what my chances of getting a settlement in this Case are?

Thank you in advance for any comments positive or negative!

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u/nixond2 — 2 days ago

Sex addiction creeping back in after being with partner for 10 years

I used to have a problem with visiting massage parlours and hiring escorts when I lived on my own. I spent a lot of money and ultimately realised it wasn't fulfilling and I was wasting my life.

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I had some psychotherapy and this helped me to understand my patterns of behaviour and reasons for my compulsions.

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I managed to quit the compulsions and met my future wife on a dating site. I was honest with her about my previous struggles and she accepted these worts and all. I had a std test which came back clear and this allowed me to draw a line under it and move on.

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I have been with my partner since December 2015, and we married in October 2023.

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My wife works in the Police Force so has quite a tough exterior but is very loving underneath that. I love her a lot but a distance has grown between us over the last few years and we are not intimate and have not had sex for a long time.

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My wife suffers with endometriosis and there was quite a long period of time where she was struggling with this and was not interested in having sex which I totally understood. She has since had a hysterectomy to try and resolve some of the endometriosis issues, which has worked to a point.

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During that time I did feel a bit rejected at times and fought solace in porn and swinging sites at night when she had gone to bed. I did feel particularly guilty for messaging someone in response to a no strings advert one night, and this weighed heavily on me for quite some time until I decided to confess in a moment when I was struggling with my mental health.

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My wife took it very well and just asked if it was before we got married, which it had been, and it was left like that.

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Our relationship has continued to be sex-less and we kind of joke about it now and she does make sarcastic comments about it, as do I. But the longer it goes, the easier it is to accept that we have lost that side of our relationship.

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Last year I struggled with my mental health and had a period of time off work. My wife didn't really understand why I was struggling and just carried on as normal as best she could, and I did feel a bit resentful towards her for this.

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We ended up having a bit of a row and she mentioned my anxiety and in mind belittled how I was feeling.

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This hurt and I immediately sought solace in fantasy of porn which in turn led to me wanting to experience this excitement.

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The next day I went to work, still angry about the previous night's arguement, and I spotted an attractive lady on the bus. I wasn't feeling great and this triggered some excitement and the thought that I could be with an attractive woman today if I wanted to. I was struggling with work at the time and I found it all too easy to give in to temptation and ring in sick so I could live out my fantasy.

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I spent the morning browsing sex sites, swinging sites, escorts etc until I decided just to go for it and visit a massage parlour which I ultimately did.

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It was a nice experience as it brought back all the excitement and I enjoyed being with a beautiful woman and being touched and desired, even though I know it was probably fake desire on the escort's part.

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I then left and wondered how to feel. Fleeting thoughts of ending it all were just fleeting but I didn't know how to feel. I felt a bit of fulfilment if I'm being honest and kind of validated in a way. I felt like a man again as corny and cheesy as that sounds!

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I went home, making sure that I got home at the normal time so as not to arouse suspicion. It was fairly easy to just pretend I'd been at work all day, so I just tried to put it to the back of my mind and carry on as best I could.

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I ended up getting a multiple STD testing kit which I did at home to try and allieve any lingering doubts about possible infections. The tests came back clear so I intended to draw a line under it and try and move on.

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6 months passed, and although temptation reared it's head, particularly when traveling to work, I didn't make any more visits, although I still browsed porn sites etc as a form of release.

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Then, after a period of illness and being off sick from work temptation reared it's head again and I succumbed on the way back to work. Same pattern of behaviour. This time I visited a tantric masseur and although I enjoyed the experience I felt embarrassed that I struggled with my erection and felt quite pathetic. I turned 50 in September last year and do think this has had an effect on me - potentially a mid life crisis?

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Then a few weeks later, the same thing happened again, but this time I think I wanted to see if I could get an erection. It has played on my mind, and I had ordered stuff from the internet to try and help, but had decided not to use it. I visited a different massage parlour and again felt like a man, as pathetic as that sounds, when I managed to get an erection and have sex.

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Since then, when my wife goes to bed early, I trawl through social media to relax and then get bored and turn back to sex sites and swinging sites.

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Today the same pattern of behaviour has occurred again, and I am in a park writing this on my phone after again missing work and visiting a massage Parlour hoping to get it out of my system and hoping it helps and also hoping that someone can relate to this?

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I am on a destructive path, and I need some help in stopping it . I love my wife, but I seem to have lost any desire to be intimate sexually with her. I know the porn doesn't help and she jokes about it on a Friday night, asking me if that's what I'll be doing when she goes to bed.

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When she trys to initiate intimacy it tends to be in a jokey way or when she's had a few drinks, and I just don't feel able to recipricate. I know that's bad, and there was a time when I would recipricate even though I wasn't really feeling it, but now I just don't want to.

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I apologise for the long text but I thought it might help getting this all out written down. Any comments, questions or advice would be gratefully received!

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Thanks for reading.

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u/nixond2 — 2 months ago