u/nolantheblue

A little backstory because I already know what people are going to say about the age gap. Yes, in retrospect, I probably should’ve known better. But I didn’t know how old he was until we had already started hooking up. I also experienced things when I was younger that made me see that as a normal and ok thing to happen to me.

CW: pregnancy/miscarriage

There have been many, many issues throughout the course of the relationship. Most of them really only popped up once we moved in alone together. I ended up pregnant, and it only got worse from there.

When I told him I needed him to do the cat litter boxes, he dumped them in the ditch in front of our house. When I confronted him about it, he responded by texting me pictures he’d taken (and stored for days/weeks) of messes around the house. He told me it was silly to worry about it, he was only keeping them to document and he would never, ever send them to anyone.

Some sort time after, I began suspecting I was having a miscarriage. I was very upset to the point of being unable to speak. He said I was ignoring him, and raised his voice at me and berated me while I sobbed. Few days later, went to the ER as the cramping was bad and I was concerned 1) that it was happening and 2) that it could be ectopic. While I was waiting (my coworker drove me, but had to leave) for 12 hours. I’d been texting him little updates, but he didn’t seem to care. Then, when I got released and I let him know, he told me he’d taken too many gummies and couldn’t drive. Again, he was confused why I was upset.

All boiling down to the 4th of July, when my friend informed me that he had sent those pictures to her, complaining about me and claiming that my rats, which lived to the age of 4, died bc I wasn’t taking good enough care of them and not because they were elderly. Mind you, this conversation happened after we found out about the miscarriage, which is still really messing with me mentally.

I asked him about it casually, gave him room to admit that he had shared them. But he doubled down, assuring me he would never do that. When I let him know that I knew, he started deflecting, brought up the messes/pets, said my health issues were “supposed”. So I told him we were breaking up, but he kept talking, trying to explain how actually he does care (in the same way, nearly the same script as every other argument we’ve had). So I just kept a blank look on my face and told him I didn’t care. I didn’t care about him, about what he had to say, or his perspective. He texted my friend blaming the breakout on her telling me and not his actions.

He’s packing his things, but he’s walking around crying talking about how hurt he is. I want to feel bad for him, but I just can’t find it in myself anymore in the same way. I feel guilty, I’m still mourning my pregnancy and now I’ve lost my chance of getting that back.

5 weeks, we found out yesterday. I have 4 cats that I’ve had since before I met my boyfriend. He is allergic.

I explained to him that he would be needing to do their boxes now because I can’t safely touch them. They’re indoor, but we live in the country and have problems with mice/lizards/etc getting in, and I’m not risking it. He said fine, cool, I went to lay down because the fatigue is insane.

He comes back, says he did them, then goes on to say we need to start buying disposable litter boxes each day, and that instead of scooping or just dumping into a large trash bag, he took the boxes out and dumped them IN THE DITCH IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE. He told me that if he *has* to scoop the boxes, that would be the only household chore he gets done. I am the only one working, 50-60 hours a week. He is home all day, every day, besides doctors appointments.

Is it unreasonable for me to have slept in the spare room and not be speaking to him? Is it crazy to be asking him to do the litter boxes if he’s allergic?