u/noodlesalad_

Alright boys, here's the one you've been waiting for. The mighty Toffees, giants of FPL and EPL. Triple up and thank me when you win your ML.

Keepers: Big Dick Pick and some other guys idk. It's Pickford (5.5) ffs. He's too expensive, there's better options, Everton defense is shaky, but by the end of the season he's top 2 in points. You know the drill. You know you should set and forget him, but you won't.

Defense: Defcon monster Tarkowski (6.0) is a bit pricey, can I interest you in a Branthwaite (5.5) instead? Might not get quite as many defcon, but he's an even better footballer. Cool under pressure; physical and confident on the ball. Think a young John Stones and you're most of the way there. No refunds when he inevitably gets injured. Keane (5.0) is a no brainer when that Branthwaite injury drops. Not sure why I'm putting him here instead of the striker section since he's genuinely the best striker on the team, but Moyes insists he's a CB I guess. Mykolenko (4.5) is a player in the game. Right back? We don't do that here. Last season it was makeshift CB O'Brien (5.0). This season Moyes seems to be trying out makeshift CM Röhl (5.0) there. We're linked with Muñoz (5.5), but I genuinely think the Hill Dick might sink into the Mersey if we sign an actual RB.

Midfield: Genuinely where the good picks are. KDH (6.5) a bit pricey this year but he's a goal threat and decent for defcon. Garner (6.0) is my pick for best Everton asset. Sure Ndiaye is on penalties but he's kind of shite at them and have you ever watched an Everton match (of course you haven't)? We don't get penalties, like ever. You tend to need to posses the ball in the opponent's box to do so. Garner is a defcon monster (second only to Anderson last season), and has attacking and bonus potential. Takes some set pieces. Not sure what else you want for 6.0. Only problem is he's not fit for GW1. So I guess actually being on the pitch is something you would want. There's just no pleasing some people, geez. Norgaard (5.0) could genuinely be a great enabler for that price with the occasional defcon return. One for the bench rather than cheap starter. May not start GW1. Röhl (5.0), Hackney (5.5), and Armstrong (5.0) will all rotate in, but not relevant to FPL.

Wingers: We do have a type don't we? We love a low sock dribbly boy with no end product. Ndiaye (6.0), Dibling (5.5), Grealish???, George (5.5), KDH will sometimes play out there. We've just signed Brennan Johnson (6.0) as well. Ndiaye is the pick here, but be prepared to watch him to dribble 4 guys and then put the ball in row Z. Or not since you don't watch Everton matches and I don't blame you. But he's on penalties! Yeah, see above.

Strikers: God we have a type here too. WTF Moyes? Big lad who's a bit of a donkey that we hope develops into Lukaku but never does. Barry (5.5) is first choice until he's not and we hope Beto (5.5) is better (he's not). We tend to run with one for a few weeks and then switch to the other hoping it will be different this time (it won't be). Regardless, whichever one starts, the other will come on at 65', you can set your Christopher Ward™ watch to it. Makes both fairly useless. Barry is still young though and could genuinely make a big step up this year (big pull on the Everton brand hopium). Beto is a known quantity at this point. Absolutely top class human being, bang average footballer.

tldr: You think I'm reading all that about Everton?? Alright, fair enough, calm down. Just get Pickford if you actually want your keeper to get points. Get Branthwaite for defcon or overpay for Tarkowski, I'm not your mum. Garner is the best of the lot when fit, but go ahead and pick Ndiaye hoping for that massive haul with a goal from open play, a pen, and bps. (It's not happening). Norgaard could be decent bench fodder.

Starting lineup close to what I would expect GW1.

Pickford Rohl Tarkowski Branthwaite Mykolenko Hackney Armstrong KDH Dibling Ndiaye Barry