u/northeasternwriter

I lost 65lb, and then bought a house in January. Since about March, I’ve gained back 15lb. I came off my ADHD meds for unrelated reasons and my hunger rebounded like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’ve been on those meds for more than half of my life but also fat for a majority of my life so they weren’t a true suppressant but man it felt awful coming off. That was in June. Anyway, stress and life got to me & I’ve gained back 15lb which isn’t a huge amount but I’m scared of failing. It took me 2 years to lose 65lb and I was hoping to be under 200lb by my 30th bday, which is next week. I’m now 35lb away from that goal when in December, I was 18 away. I know I can do the work. I know I can even do it without meds (I’m not anti meds, I just cannot afford them because they’re very expensive) with my PCOS & endo. I’m just feeling discouraged. Disappointed in myself. I’m wallowing in self pity today. Plus my hunger cues are WHACK right now and have been since stopping my ADHD meds in June. I haven’t been able to eat in a deficit almost at all, I am just so hungry all the time and yes I promise on my dog’s life I eat enough protein, fiber, fat & drink enough water. It’s like a visceral hunger. I wish I could afford the meds that I know would help me. I wish I could recalibrate my hunger cues like I’ve done before after a period of over eating.

I’m just ranting because I wanted to be closer to my goal by now but I’ve gone backwards & it feels bad. I’m going to forgive myself, lock back in & aim for a goal of losing 15lb by the end of the year which will put me where I was last year. Cheers.

I have a 4cm gallstone but have never had a gallbladder attack. I understand this is likely due to it being too large to block the bile duct, which makes sense. I’d say at the worst, I get occasional nausea which can be attributed to a host of things. Very infrequent bowel movement issues (constipation or diarrhea). My stone was 2.7cm in February of 2025 & today I got an ultrasound to check since I inquired about elective surgery knowing I have barely any symptoms (not fully symptomatic since I do have occasional very very very mild, I wouldn’t even call it pain- in my right upper quadrant). Anyway, learning today I have a 4cm stone is freaking me out because basically it seems the best idea is surgery and I am TERRIFIED of surgery. Terrified of anesthesia. Terrified of having a complication mid surgery or a reaction to a drug. Terrified of being out of control of my body, etc. like I’m in therapy for this purpose (isn’t really working) and still in shambles from the anxiety. I’ve only had one surgery and I was like 3 so I don’t remember at all. Anyone else have an extremely large stone and no symptoms or minor symptoms? Did you put off surgery? Did you schedule it? Was it fine for you to get surgery? I’m so scared of dying during a surgery that’s likely safer than driving a car in my state tbh. But still, I am scared of being the .1% or whatever. I’m otherwise healthy 30 y.o female (fat but perfect labs and chronically perfect BP lol).

I haven’t been able to listen to this song one singular time without crying in the almost-month since the album came out. Anyone else? FWIW my parents are both still alive & we have a good relationship. I just sob at I think the idea of losing my mom eventually (I’m 30 and they’re 60). Just venting and hoping someone relates to the crying lol