u/not_your_guru

When I was a kid no one noticed me. My parents were inside their own heads. It’s like I didn’t exist, except when I misbehaved, then I’d get reprimanded.

I don’t remember ever experiencing positive regard from anyone. Peers, teachers or family. The way I look at my daughter, brimming with love and pride, I don’t remember experiencing anything close to that as a child.

I don’t see love or acceptance in peoples eyes.

Lately I’ve been trying to get out more. I’ve been trying new activities and things. And it’s like, everywhere I go people just look at me like 😐. There’s no warmth in their eyes. I detect some confusion, maybe mild curiosity, but that’s about it. It’s a terrifying kind of loneliness. I feel dysphoric, if I’m being honest.

I know this has been posted before but I wanted to come here to talk about the Backrooms movie. I just saw it last night, and while it was disturbing it was comforting to know that I’m not the only one who experiences traumatic memories this way.

A recurring line in the movie was “it’s like describing a dog to someone who’s never seen a dog”, well this movie describes the dog perfectly. And there’s nothing better to describe it than a liminal space with dreadful 90s furniture. I’m not sure why 90s interior design makes me feel this way, maybe it’s by association with traumatic memories or maybe because it’s inherently awful.

Either way, great film. I’ll be over here refurnishing my “backroom” with some cute plants and warm lighting.