u/notascoolasmefr

I’m 19F
Ater my father passed away I’ve become emotionally exhausted.My parents were divorced before my father passed away so we had already been living separately.

I’ve always been a distant and quiet person. I’m naturally introverted and don’t enjoy talking just for the sake of talking. But after my dad passed away, I withdrew even more.
My family says I’m a bad person because I’m distant. They say I don’t care about anyone, don’t maintain relationships, and that I only talk to people when I need something.
The truth is I don’t hate my family. I don’t wish them any harm. I’ve just been so undervalued for so long that I feel like I have no value. I keep asking myself “What’s the point?” Every interaction seems to end with me being criticized or told that something is wrong with me.
I haven’t spoken to my grandparents since my father died. It’s not because I hate them. They told me I didn’t cry enough for my father and that I seemed distant and since then I just haven’t known what to say.
I also feel like my brother is loved and understood much more than I am. If he makes a mistake it’s forgiven. If I make one, it becomes a judgment of my entire character.
I’ve been trying to become a better Muslim by praying consistently and improving myself but even then I get criticized instead of encouraged.
Lately, my mom keeps saying I’m not the daughter she wanted.I feel so broken by the people I thought I could always lean on, especially my own mother. I grew up in an emotionally unhealthy home and i dont think ive ever learned what healthy relationships are supposed to look like. I honestly dont know what i can do to ever be enough.