family pressure on future.
Hi everyone. I’m an 18-year-old girl from Pakistan, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel trapped between what I want for my life and what my family expects from me.
I know this is going to be long, but if anyone reads it all, I’d really appreciate it because I genuinely feel like I’m suffocating and don’t know what to do anymore.
Being a eldest daughter: growing up, I’ve always been known as the “perfect child.” I never really rebelled. I got good grades, stayed respectful, helped around the house, tried to make everyone proud, never argued, and always tried to meet every expectation placed on me. Despite that, it feels like every time I meet one expectation, another even bigger one replaces it.
About a year ago, I had just migrated from interior Sindh to Karachi. It was already a huge adjustment for me. My father wanted me to apply to universities outside Sindh. I didn’t want to leave so soon after moving, but I agreed because he promised he wouldn’t force me to go abroad immediately and that I would have time make up my own future by myself.
For the next year, my entire life revolved around university admissions. My classmates applied to one or two universities. The strongest students around me applied to maybe three or four. I ended up preparing for around twenty different admission tests and actually appeared for eleven of them. Every university had a different syllabus, different pattern, and different preparation. I spent months studying almost every day under constant pressure.
My dream university was IBA. In my first attempt, I scored 192, and in my second attempt, I scored 188. Unfortunately, I still couldn’t get in. Considering I came from a very small school in interior Sindh and was competing with students from some of the best schools in Pakistan, I was heartbroken but still proud that I gave it everything I had.
I also received admissions from a few other universities. My father rejected them all.
Then, as soon as all my university admissions were over, my father suddenly brought back the Australia plan.
It felt like everything I had worked so hard for no longer mattered.
Now everyone in my family expects me to prepare for IELTS in just one month and score at least a 7–7.5 band, even though many people spend months preparing for it. The exam itself costs over 80,000 PKR, so there is enormous pressure to do well on the first attempt.
The hardest part is that I’m not refusing to move abroad forever.
I actually want to settle abroad one day.
My own plan has always been to complete my bachelor’s in Pakistan, become more independent and emotionally mature, and then apply abroad for my master’s. I want to leave when I’m ready, not because I was pressured into it.
I’ve explained this to my parents over and over again.
I’m not saying, “I’ll never go.”
I’m saying, “I’m not ready at 18.”
To me, those are completely different things.
But every time I say that, the conversation becomes aggressive. I’m told I’m ruining my future, that I’m emotional, immature, and don’t understand how the world works. Eventually I start feeling guilty for even expressing what I want.
Another reason this has become so difficult is because of what happened during my first trip to Australia last year.
I spent about two months there with my grandmother and aunt. It was my first time leaving Pakistan, and instead of becoming a happy memory, it became one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.
My uncle had worked in Australia for almost 12 years. During those twelve years, he only came back to Pakistan three times—twice for his own wedding-related events and once when I was very young. He worked incredibly hard to build a life there.
Then his marriage completely fell apart.
There was constant family conflict. I was caught in the middle while relatives spoke negatively about my mother and expected me to take sides when we all were in the same side and should support each other.
Things became even worse when legal issues followed. My uncle and my grandmother both ended up spending time in custody during disputes with his ex-wife’s false accusations. Watching everything unfold while being so far from home was terrifying. Whether or not people agree with how the situation was handled, it left me deeply shaken.
Today, despite all those years of hard work, my uncle and grandmother have lost their home and are living in rented accommodation.
I love my uncle very much, but watching everything he went through has left me terrified of facing something similar before I’m emotionally ready.
That’s why I don’t think my fear is irrational.
Even if I moved to Australia, I wouldn’t be living with my uncle or grandmother anyway, so this isn’t about avoiding them. It’s about realizing how overwhelming life in another country can become and understanding that I don’t feel ready to carry that responsibility alone at eighteen.
Another thing that makes this harder is that my family talks as if my future doesn’t really belong to me anymore. They constantly tell me that I need to settle abroad so I can eventually help everyone else including my younger brothers to leave Pakistan too.
I understand wanting to support your family. I genuinely do.
But sometimes it feels like my entire future has already been assigned responsibilities before I’ve even had the chance to build my own life.
I also don’t feel emotionally supported by my parents.
They’ve provided for me financially, and I’m grateful for that. They’ve given me opportunities many people don’t get. I don’t deny that at all.
But emotionally, I often feel unheard.
Whenever I say I’m overwhelmed, anxious, or scared, I’m usually told I’m being dramatic. My mother believes someone my age can’t really have trauma or depression because this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. when i got rejected for the 2nd time from iba she said “I should leave these matters to my dad only and she has nothing to do with all and i should have worked harder”
I don’t know how to explain that gratitude and emotional pain can exist at the same time.
For the past two months, I’ve barely been sleeping. Almost every night I end up crying. I have separation anxiety, and the thought of suddenly moving to another country before I’m mentally ready makes me panic. I’ve even started struggling to eat properly because of how anxious I’ve become.
I don’t want to disappoint my parents.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful.
I don’t want to waste opportunities.
But I also don’t want the biggest decision of my life to happen because I was pressured into it.
I keep asking myself one question:
If Australia was always the only acceptable option, why did my father make me spend an entire year preparing for so many Pakistani universities? Why let me invest so much of my life into something that I was never actually going to be allowed to choose?
My ideal plan has always been simple:
Finish my bachelor’s in Pakistan.
Become more confident and independent.
Apply abroad for my master’s on my own. (I know I can do it)
Move when I genuinely feel ready.
Instead, I feel like everyone around me has already decided my future for me.
So I’m asking people who have no reason to take sides:
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to complete my bachelor’s in Pakistan first, even though I fully intend to move abroad later?
If you were in my position, what would you honestly do? (main question because whatever chatgpt does not sound convincing to me, I feel like because its chatgpt it give you the positive part no matter if ur incorrect) i want to know it from real people