u/notundercovercop327

Experiment #7

Episode 1002: Girl in Gold Boots

Rewatch Date: February 18, 2023

Somebody better be here tomorrow, or you won’t be working in this town again…Baby!

I saved Girl in Gold Boots last from Volume 4 of the MST3K DVD collection. It had a bikini-clad dancer on the cover so I assumed it was something that might raise eyebrows. I was right. It was an interesting ender. A solid season 10 episode.

An invitation into the wacky world of Ted V. Mikels, Girl in Gold Boots is a 1969 musical-movie. It details the troubled lives of three people. Michelle works at the local EAT with her drunken, abusive father. One day, a drifter named Buzz enters her life. He promises to whisk her away from her dreary diner life to Los Angeles, and help her get a career as a dancer. Along the way, they meet another drifter named Critter. Critter is a guitar player hoping to make his way in the world. But he has a secret: he’s a deserter. The trio arrive in LA at The Haunted House lounge where they meet Buzz’s sister, Jodie. Jodie is the main dancer who wears the titular Go-owld Boots. Jodie promises Michelle work at club. But things quickly devolve as Michelle is exposed to the seamy underbelly of L.A. (I’m as shocked as you are that Hollywood has such a scene.) Buzz and the club owners get involved in LSD trafficking, Michelle goes to one of those wild L.A. parties and tries some of that wacky tobacky and Jodie has a bad reaction to the drugs she’s using. Reformed draft-dodger Critter saves the day and learns the joys of fighting in a senseless war.

Girl In Gold Boots is one of the few non-science fiction movies featured during the Sci-Fi channel era (I think Final Justice is the only other one.) It was directed by Ted V. Mikels. Mikels is famous for his exploitation films. I’m not sure what message he was trying to get across with this film. Should I give up my songwriting dreams, quit my janitorial job and go to Vietnam? I read an article in SCREEM Magazine where Mikels was interviewed and asked about MST3K. I’m not allowed to read the magazine because it violates the rules of my experiment. But, if I recall correctly, he really enjoyed the MST3K treatment. Though I’m told the actress who played Jodie did not enjoy the MST3K treatment and the mocking of her “I had a pretty mind!” speech. I can understand that.

This is the kind of drive-in movie you drag your late 1960s girlfriend to, but only because you have a car and she doesn’t want to deal with family that night. You see the opening shot with all of the go-go dancers thinking you’re in for an erotic treat. But after that, you quickly realize that the movie isn’t going to have the number of girls in bikinis as you would want. Then, you just make out with your girlfriend until the next scene with dancing in it begins (assuming she hasn’t gotten out of the car and shacked up with the football player in the next spot over.)

This episode has some great riffs. When we first meet Critter, he asks for “ten Hershey bars.” Crow brilliantly chimes in with “Tin Hershey bars! Won’t those be hard to eat?” Critter also has with him some Nepalese currency, “From the land of ‘Nipple’!” I love clever wordplay and those are two of the best instances in history. Buzz robs a gas station (poorly) and reads about his crime the next day in the newspaper. He’s excited to see that his robbery has made the front page. “Yeah, Front Page of the LA Times: ’$40 Robbery, No One Seriously Injured’.” Don’t be too harsh on him though. As Pat McCormick’s less successful brother notes, he is “just a boy”. Despite his boydom, Buzz does have some talents. Like randomly teleporting into restaurant booths. Fun fact about the teleportation scene: It only occurs in the Peter Rodgers copy of the film. If you watch/buy any of the other versions available on home video, it shows Buzz clearly standing up and walking to the table. Also, he’s an icky elf.

The sketches in this one aren’t all winners. I love the sketch with Crow’s “What Would Buffy Sainte-Marie Do” bracelet (Marry Jack Nitzsche, I assume.) Mike’s “I am Sad” song is a classic. The rest of the sketches aren’t very good. This episode is infamous for introducing the short-lived, Sci-Fi Channel-mandated “Institute of Mad Science” subplot. It only lasts 4 episodes. Once the show was cancelled, I don’t think Best Brains felt the desire to keep up with a plot they didn’t want. It does have two lines I love to quote, “Shut up and die, fathead” and “Not even fit for a guest spot on ‘Beakman’s World.’”

When I first saw this episode as a 13-year-old, I didn’t enjoy it. Then, I rewatched it a few months later and was on the floor. My friend DJ would quote this episode all the time. I don’t know why, but I think my mom would like this episode. I’m grateful for Girl in Gold Boots. It’s a fun episode. This latest rewatch really helped me feel better about my day. Thanks, non-acquaintance movie who inexplicably gave me a ride in your dune buggy!

What are your thoughts on this episode? Were you worried that young boy was in too far over his head? Did you ever have someone pour beer on your motorcycle? Has a giant, silent, omnipotent woman ever inspired you to write a song? Let me know in the comments below.

To remind everybody, this is part of my experiment where I’ll be watching a different MST3K episode, every Saturday, until I’ve watched all 176 episodes of the show’s original run in the exact order that I watched each episode for the first time (with 3 or 4 liberties taken). I will be consuming NO MST3K outside these viewings until this experiment is over. Crazy I know. We shall see what come what may. Will I crack? Will I make it? Will I ever figure out what makes this show so great? Keep reading and find out. Next week, I will be watching the 8th MST3K episode I ever saw. It will remain a secret til then. The clue I will give is ‘Corman’. Til then, thank you for reading and Keep Circulating the Tapes.

7 Down, 169 to go

Experiment #6

Episode 822: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

Rewatch Date: February 11, 2023

You must remember this, A kiss is just a kiss…

This is one of the better movies featured on MST3K, which makes it hard to talk about. Casablanca is a 1939 film starring Humphrey Bogart as Rick. Rick is the owner of a club in Morocco where disillusioned foreigners often find themselves. Ingrid Bergman plays Elsa, a young woman who becomes caught between two lovers. She isn’t sure whether to stay with Rick, or… wait. Something isn't right. Oh, I must have scrolled up the wrong cinema. Let me reconst up the correct one.

At least I’m not an anteater...

Overdrawn at the Memory Bank is an episode I remember well. I watched it sometime before New Year’s, 2004-2005. I don’t remember the first time all that well. But, the second time I watched it, I was at my friend D.J.’s house. We were in his rec room. It was a giant open space that was insanely bright white and had toys strung all about the floor. We busted up constantly throughout. Most of the times I went to his house, we would watch an episode in this room. Oh, how those memories come back to me.

Overdrawn at the Memory Bank is a 1984 film made by New York’s WNET PBS affiliate. It stars the late Raul Julia as Aram Fingal. Fingal lives in an Orwellian future where he works a low paying, data entry position. He figures out a way to scroll up cinemas at his desk and gets in trouble for doing so. He is forced to do compulsory rehab at Nirvana Village. His treatment involves “Doppling” his brain into the mind of Daisy the Baboon. But, something goes horribly wrong. Techs trap Fingal’s mind in the HX368 computer which controls weather and climate. Apalonia James, played by late writer Linda Griffiths, synths herself into the computer to connect with Fingal. The two become romantically entangled as Fingal turns his virtual, insane reality into the world of his favorite cinema, Casablanca. There, he goes to “The Place” which is owned by Rick, who in and of himself is Fingal’s doppelganger alter ego. The two strike up what seems like “the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” But this fantasy may not last as Fingal’s cube time is running out. If he doesn’t get back in his body before then, his mind will cease to exist. This would be a lot easier if it weren’t for the Big Brother-type character known interchangeably as The Chairman/Fatman. He worries that Fingal and James may ruin his company and his hold on the world. To prevent this, Chairman/Fatman connects his mind into Fingal’s world with the hopes of destroying him before that happens.

Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (which shall henceforth be known as “Overdrawn” for the rest of this blog) was based on a short story written by prolific science fiction writer John Varley. It is shot entirely on videotape which leads to some cheesy, 1980s computer graphics. It was also shot on location in Toronto, which causes the future to stress many long “OO” sounds. It was first shown on PBS channels around the country before being sold to Sci-Fi Channel. I’ve actually seen Sci-Fi Channel promos for the un-riffed version of this film. Wonder what kind of viewership it garnered in that form. Also, Maury Chaykin has a minor role in this film. Odd.

Overdrawn is not a beloved episode. It often marks low on MST3K fan’s favorite episode lists. Many don’t like the videotaped look of the film. I personally love and miss that look. Digital doesn’t hold a candle to video. A lot don’t care for it. What’s your problem? Are you one of those lousy anteaters?!

A lot of people I think have a hard time with this film because Raul Julia had died tragically young just 3 years prior to the making of this episode. Maybe I’m just mean but it never bothered me. But I understand if someone may feel that way. I get the feeling there was a lot of laughter at the ridiculousness of this film when it was made. That said, this episode ended season 8 of MST3K’s first season on its new network home. I think it was a great note to go out on.

The riffing in this one is pretty darn good. I’ve seen this episode a lot and so many of the riffs and runners stand out in my mind. When Fingal cracks the code of the HX368 computer system, the desk begins to glow with what look like bacteria. Mike launches my favorite riff for this episode: “He cracked the code to Scrubbing Bubbles.” I laughed my butt off at that. There are a lot of jokes at the Fatman’s expense. Normally one might be offended but considering the characters in the film call him “The Fatman”, I think its excusable. “Fingal, draw… me some butter!”

When Fingal first finds himself in his electric prison, he meets James, who is disguised as his deceased mother. He then asks her, “Mom, am I nuts?” But, with Raul Julia’s accent it ends up sounding like “Mom, my nuts.” That is such a weird thing that was left in this film. Why would he phrase it that way? Wouldn’t it make more sense to say something like “Mom, am I GOING nuts or something?” They easily could have ADR’d him to say “Mom, am I crazy?” which would have sounded more normal. Mike and the Bots run with it though.

They also make fun of the bizarre-ness that is this future. Everyone uses terms like “Sytho,” “Flavofibes,” and “Interface.” “I AM INTERFACE” becomes a runner. To my computer programmer friends reading this, what the hell does that mean? Also, if this is a dystopic future where cinemas aren’t publicly discernable, how is it that Aram Fingal has a picture of Humphrey Bogart on the wall of his homepod? “I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH!!!” This is also the movie where I learned that electrons don’t dance or make love. “They’re Lutheran.” But this movie did end up being made. "Watching this movie is kinda like watching Casablanca, while having a small child use your groin as a punching bag." That said, I still “feel like beating the crap out of Fred Rogers” for its existence.

The biggest runner in this film comes from an early scene. When Fingal is forced to choose an animal to Dopple into, he suggests a stallion, only to be told he can’t afford it. Offhandedly someone informs him that with his budget the best he can afford to be is “an anteater.” What the hell? And, it’s not just a one-off line. There are at least 2 or 3 more references in the film about how terrible being an anteater is. Why does this movie hate anteaters? Did the director have some sort of traumatic childhood experience with one? I hope the Anteater Defamation League of Canada sought legal action against this film at some point. “Man, I hate anteaters!”

This episode brings reminder of Crow’s beloved catchphrase “You know you want me, baby!” I’m sure we all remember that line. I think over the course of the series, “You know you want me, baby!” was said by Crow at least 300 times. I remember going to school and people would constantly be saying “You know you want me, baby!” It took the nation by storm and it’s still used today. I must hear “You know you want me, baby!” 2 or 3 times a week. I thought it was weird when the U.N. started using “You know you want me, baby!” as its slogan. But “You know you want me, baby!” really did help bring the world together.

Other sketches center around Pearl’s desire to conquer public television. Even at age 13 I remember thinking that the look and feel of a pledge drive had been captured perfectly by the show. Pearl and Observer sing the great "When Loving Lover’s Love" song. My friend DJ and I loved that. I remember I used to have one of the microphones that were used during that sketch. Never worked correctly. Does anyone know the name of that model? The monkey sketches have their moments. Apparently InstantMonkeysOnline is or was an actual website. I’ve heard unfavorable things about it.

I love this episode. It never gets the respect it deserves and I think that’s criminal. This, along with several other episodes, are gems that no one seems to talk about. Growing up, I watched a lot of The Red Green Show, so PBS things always stay fresh in my mind. To Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, I applaud your impressiveness as an episode. I’m sorry that we may never see each other again. But we’ll always have Paris. Anyway, I have to go catch my flight now.

Here’s looking at you, film.

To remind everybody, this is part of my experiment where I’ll be watching a different MST3K episode, every Saturday, until I’ve watched all 176 episodes of the show’s original run in the exact order that I watched each episode for the first time. I will be consuming NO MST3K outside these viewings until this experiment is over. Crazy I know. We shall see what come what may. Will I crack? Will I make it? Will I ever figure out what makes this show so great? Keep reading and find out. Next week, I will be watching the 7th MST3K episode I ever saw: Girl in Gold Boots. One of the few Non-Science Fiction films of the Sci-Fi era. Til then, thank you for reading and Keep Circulating the Tapes.

6 Down, 170 to go

 

Experiment #5

Episode 820: Space Mutiny

Rewatch Date: February 4, 2023

I’m thinking about… the… possible motive.

After the disappointment of Hamlet, later that same Christmas day, I popped in the next MST3K episode on Volume 4: Space Mutiny. This gave me what I like to call a “massive tonal shift” in that I went from one of the worst of the Sci-Fi era, to what many argue is the best of the entire series.

I’m having trouble just writing about this episode as there is so much to analyze and so many great aspects that I know I’m leaving out, but I shall try my best to give you a summary.

Space Mutiny is a 1988 movie set aboard the Galactica. Er… I mean the Southern Sun. Cameron Mitchell plays Lorne Greene as Santa Claus as the commander of the ship. Overpopulation has forced him to search the universe for a planet where his passengers can find a new home. He has a mother, er… I mean daughter named Leah Jansen. Despite being the daughter of the captain, Leah knows how to take care of herself. But, after a crash landing kills her mentor, she finds herself butting heads with new colonist and pilot of the crashed vessel: David Ryder. Ryder is played by Captain America, er… I mean Reb Brown. Ryder becomes stranded on the Southern Sun after space pirates attack him. Turns out, a mutiny is being planned aboard this space colony. Lt. Kalgon (yeah, I know,) played by over-laugher John Phillip Law, refuses to die in space and has made it his sole mission to sabotage the Southern Sun and force Commander Santa to land on ground. Now, David and Leah have to work together to stop Kalgon’s mutiny and save the residents of the Southern Sun.

Space Mutiny was made in South Africa. It was produced by the lovely Hope Holiday and written and directed by David Winters (though some may contest that last part.) The movie is a mishmash of incongruity and ridiculous, almost farcical scenes. Where to begin? The futuristic spaceship seems to have a large septic system basement. You would think it would make the ship a little top heavy. L.T. Lamont is killed early in the film. Shortly after her death, she is shown working at her desk with no apparent explanation. Residents travel the ship in small, electric golf carts that travel about as fast as a beached lobster. Speaking of lobsters, Kalgon's (you don’t know how badly I want to say “Ancient Chinese Secret”) second in command is played by South African character actor Guy Pringle. Yes, a man named after two different brands of potato chips. Also, the Bellarians are there, an all-female cult of psychics who constantly dance sensually whilst rubbing their body parts against novelty plasma globes.

I fully agree with Crow when he says “that a severely impaired box turtle with a very busy schedule” could probably make a better movie with just one camera and a couple free days. How did a movie this crappy get made? Thanks to Hope Holiday, I know the main reason why. Some of which I can explain and some of which I can’t because I would get sued if did. The production was fraught with problems after “director” and uncredited writer, David Winters left the production mid-shooting and returned to the United States. His reason for leaving is contested but what’s not is that most of the film ended up being directed by the Second Unit crew. Hope Holiday will be the first person to tell you the movie is one of the worst ever made. I will be the first to tell you she deserves every cent she ever made on the film and it’s MST3K and Rifftrax appearances.

The riffing in this episode is non-stop. I fear I may miss some of the runners as I try my hardest to remember the amazing on point writing that is the riffing. Pulling back the curtain a little, I don’t do any research before I write these blogs. I don’t take any notes during viewing either. I just watch the episode and regale what I remember. First, I’ll focus on is our hero’s appearance. Reb Brown was, and is, a very muscular actor. Think that one guy on your high school football team whose prowess as an athlete helped him “pass” his AP courses. When Diana Ross said she wanted muscles, I think this was the guy she was singing about. I’m sure Reb Brown is very smart, but his appearance leads to countless jokes about his beefy-ness. “Sometimes I pass out to after a good layup.” The major thing that came out of these muscles was the many nicknames of his character. Slab Bulkhead, Bolt Vandergrif, Flint Ironstag and Big McLargehuge are 4 of the many, many names Mike, Servo and Crow referred to Mr. Brown’s character as. It was memetic before its time. Some may not remember this but at one-point Best Brains, the company that produced MST3K, sold a T-shirt that just listed all these nicknames. I had one of those shirts when I was in high-school. No one got the joke. Few know this runner actually originated in an earlier MST3K episode: 12 to the Moon. We’ll talk about that episode in a year and half or so.

Cisse Cameron played Leah Janesen in the film. She was probably most noted for being a hooker in one of the Porky’s films (don’t know which one, not gonna look it up.) Mrs. Cameron was actually younger than co-star Reb Brown. Despite this, she does have the look of a middle-aged woman. Which leads to runners like her being referred to as Cameron Mitchell’s “mother daughter.” Believe it or not, Ms. Cameron and Mr. Brown had been married to each other for several years prior to the making of Space Mutiny. Last I heard are still happily married. I wonder how they feel about this episode. They were quite harsh on her. If anyone knows, please speak up. I know Reb Brown is very active on social media nowadays, but I’ve never reached out to him. I did track down Continuity’s Bev Wilbrahem, but chickened out of actually writing to her. Not sure if she ever was arrested or not.

Kalgon (again his name is ‘Kalgon’. How did no one thing that was a bad name?) acts through the entire film with forced maniacal laughter and a constipated look that just screams “fiber deficiency.” His diabolical plan consists of detonating explosives in seemingly random places on the spaceship. This seems like a bad idea for several reasons. It’s not clear why he isn’t in the brig or something. Everybody seems to know that he’s evil. Why is he allowed so many under his command? Turns out Kalgon (take me away… oh sorry) has an ally in McPherson. A high level on the ship who aids in the effort to sabotage the ship. He has a limp and is roasted to death at the end of the film.

This movie is hysterical on its own. The props are ridiculous, the acting is ridiculous, the sets look like a high school basement, continuity is terrible and the whole thing fails on almost every level. The MST3K treatment takes this unintentionally funny movie and turns it into a comedic masterpiece. But there is one good thing about this film that I think we can all agree on, "It did have excellent 'Clapping' and 'Loading'."

Before I go any further, did everybody sign Sherry’s Birthday card? Okay, good. We can proceed.

I can’t even begin to recall all the gut busting riffs in this one. My favorite is when McPherson realizes that not everyone under his command supports the mutiny. He states “It would seem that we are not all in agreement,” to which Mike retorts, “I disagree.” The timing is perfect. We get references to Bobby ‘Boris’ Pickett, Ed Grimly, Sting, Mark 'Jacko' Jackson (the Aussie rules football player who held the battery over his head,) Debbie Reynolds, Morgan Fairchild, Phil Collins, and God. The one I noticed this time is when Crow states that one of the Belarians is so thin that “she makes Shelley Duvall look like Shirley Hemphill.” Now that joke is for a very specific clientele, yet we all laugh regardless.

The skits in this one are as gold as Crow. The Bots complaining about Mike’s encyclopedias is one of the best of the series. I love all of the antiquated information they cite. Hitler is listed as a stable veteran of the Great War, the lightbulb is a charming theory, Dinosaurs are man’s deadliest foes, Machu Pichu has a mailing address, there’s a volume for the letter Epsilon and mankind has yet to utilize fire to serve it rather than terrorize it with horrifying randomness. But, then Mike ruins it by buying the bots brand new encyclopedias. Thanks Mike. I miss complaining already. My dad loved the railings sketch. Not sure how OSHA would rate the Satellite of Love. Not highly, I would imagine.

This episode holds a special place in my heart for a number of reasons.

1: It’s gut-bustlingly funny.

2: It washed out the bad taste that Hamlet left in my mouth.

3: I remember my friend DJ and I quoting the credits jokes to death.

4: I remember my dad loving this episode.

5: Before this latest rewatch, the last time I watched this episode in 2018, I got some half way through. Never thought I’d be able to say it but MST3K helped me get lucky.

If you are severely dehydrated or have abdominal issues, you’ll want to steer clear of this episode as the laughs it gives may kill you. I have never met a MSTie who didn’t love this episode. If you know of one, please relay them to me so I can pick their brain as to why they don’t enjoy it. This episode is easily at the top of my list of eps I’ve rewatched since the beginning of this year. I don’t’ know if it will stay there, but damn it deserves high marks.

What are your thoughts on this episode? Did you have to call the hospital because the laughter was giving you convulsions? Do you still get mad when people question your knowledge of ancient dentistry? Which of the episode’s many running jokes are you most angry I left out of this writeup (seriously, there’s at least ten more I don’t have time to write about)? Leave a comment below and let me know.

To remind everybody, this is part of my experiment where I’ll be watching a different MST3K episode, every Saturday, until I’ve watched all 176 episodes of the show’s original run in the exact order that I watched each episode for the first time. I will be consuming NO MST3K outside these viewings until this experiment is over. Crazy I know. We shall see what come what may. Will I crack? Will I make it? Will I ever figure out what makes this show so great? Keep reading and find out. Next week, I will be watching the 6th MST3K episode I ever saw. The criminally underrated Overdrawn at the Memory Bank. Which stars the late Raul Julia. I’ll dopple you in next week. Til then, thank you for reading and Keep Circulating the Tapes.

5 Down, 171 to go

Experiment #4

Episode 1009: Shakespeare Hamlet: Prinz von Dänemark (A.K.A. Hamlet, A.K.A. German Hamlet)

Rewatch Date: January 28, 2023

Treachery, thy name is Ophelia.

For two months I only had access to two MST3K episodes (plus a Blooper tape.) I would go to Best Buy with my parents every now and then and see Mystery Science Theater 3000 box sets. Retailing for $49.99 each, they were not cheap. But, Christmas was right around the corner and I knew what I would ask for. So, Christmas morning I arose and eagerly awaited the time-honored tradition of unwrapping presents, but father was still asleep. Mother let me open one gift early that morn, I knew which one to go for. The one shaped like a DVD box set. I unwrapped it and found that my parents had purchased for me Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vol 4. I didn’t specifically ask for this volume, just any volume (Six had been released by this point.) I guess this was the one my mom just grabbed. Thanks Mom. Looking at the set I realized I could watch an episode before unwrapping anymore of my gifts. I settled on Hamlet because it looked like the one that would least offend my mother should she walk in while I was watching (I’ll explain the other three in due time.)

I popped in the disc and was surprised to learn this was a Sci-Fi Channel episode. My friend DJ had told me about this era, but this was my first exposure to Bill Corbet Crow and the whole “Pearl Forrester” arc. But I eagerly awaited the beginning of a fresh MST3K episode. I was let down.

Shakespeare Hamlet: Prinz von Dänemark (which for the purposes of this write up will use the un-official title: “Hamlet”) is exactly what says on the tin. It’s a filmed version of Hamlet. Not the version staring Sir Laurence Olivier or Kenneth Branagh, but a dreary, black and white version originally made for German television in the 1960s. If you aren’t familiar with Hamlet, watch Lion King. It’s basically the same thing with a sadder ending. I wasn’t adept at Shakespeare in my teen years. When I was in college, I worked on a stage version of Mid-Summer Night’s Dream and saw Romeo & Juliet. But my Hamlet knowledge isn’t, and certainly wasn’t, the best.

This movie doesn’t have much going for it. It stars a young Maximillian Schell as Hamlet. Plus, a bunch of other German actors who I don’t believe have any significance in the Western world. It’s believed that Claudius was dubbed by Ricardo Montalban and that Polonius was dubbed by John Banner. It’s not outright confirmed, but it sure does sound like the both of them.

Let’s rip the bandage off now and just say that this is not liked by most fans of Mystery Science Theater. On lists, it constantly ranks near the bottom (and thus far is at the bottom of my rewatch list.) My Friend DJ, the one who first showed me MST3K, told me that he fell asleep watching this episode’s DVD menu. It does have some fans. My former MSTieCast co-host, Toby Mobius, ranked this as a favorite because he got to watch it during High School Drama Class. But he is an exception. I myself did not enjoy Hamlet the first time I saw it. It was a marked moment for me as I realized that not all MST3K is made equal. The joke I used to make was, “Season 10 of MST3K is the absolute cream of the crop of episodes. Oh, and Hamlet is there too.”

This is a film that really brings down the comedy. It’s not a worse film than “Manos,” but it is certainly an emptier experience. It was an interesting choice to say the least. Fact I find interesting: This was the most edited movie in the history of MST3K. The uncut version of this film is almost three hours long. Think about that next time you watch. Best Brains had to truncate it down to 78 minutes in order to fit the show’s run time. They have edited movies for time before, but none were ever less than half their original length. Makes you wonder what got cut.

Let me say that German television must have been really void. The set for this looks sparce. If being Danish royalty means living in this castle, then I’ll take a pass. My question is why was this brought to the U.S.? Would 1960s audiences really sit down to watch a 3 hour long, German-made, black and white version of Hamlet? This film was supplied to the show by longstanding favorite, Peter Rodgers Organization. They’re the ones that gave us “Manos.” I’m amazed that their company has made any kind of profit on their library. Good on you PRO.

I was thrown when I saw the intro but I got used to it. I’d never seen a Mike Nelson episode before. I liked Mike the first time I saw him. I thought he had the hapless charm down well. I was also exposed to Pearl Forrester, Observer (aka Brain Guy) and Bobo. They were an interesting choice. Not all enjoyed it. I didn’t mind. They came about because Sci-Fi wanted MST3K to have a Story arc. To quote Kevin Murphy “We don’t need a ‘story arc’. We’re a puppet show. We just need an excuse to tell jokes!”

Sketches are probably what save this otherwise boring ride. I won’t talk about all of them but I will say that I support Servo's, I’m sorry, Sirveaux’s name change. ‘Alas Poor Who’ becomes less funny when you realize that all the celebrities referenced are now dead, but what can you do? I love Crow’s anger in sketch 2: “DON’T ANY OF YOUR RELATIVES EVER DIE!?!” And, that’s how I was introduced to Bill Corbett Crow. Certainly shorter fused than Trace Beaulieu Crow. The Hamlet action figure sketch was something I used to watch over and over. When I was a teen, I wrote down all of the lines and memorized them. “Perchance to DREAM! Aye, there’s the rub.”

All that said, I did enjoy this episode more than I have any other time I’ve (re)watched it. I still stand by my “Season 10…” joke and this is not an episode I would pop in for fun, but I had some laughs. The frustration level with Mike and the Bots makes me giddy. The funniest and most clever joke they make is “Run DMC. Everett Koop”. There’s a reference to Railing kills in the first 4 minutes. This harkens back to the episode that I will cover next week.

Hamlet: Not Great, Watchable, probably still the worst of Season 10.

To remind everybody, this is part of my experiment where I’ll be watching a different MST3K episode, every Saturday, until I’ve watched all 176 episodes of the show’s original run in the exact order that I watched each episode for the first time. I will be consuming NO MST3K outside these viewings until this experiment is over. Crazy I know. We shall see what come what may. Will I crack? Will I make it? Will I ever figure out what makes this show so great? Keep reading and find out.

Next week, I will be watching the 5th MST3K episode I ever saw. I went from the worst of Sci-Fi era to what many call the best episode of the show: Space Mutiny. I’ve laughed my rump off to this episode many times and the last time I watched it holds a place in my heart. I can try to explain why next week (Though it will be cleaned up for younger readers). Will David Ryder marry the lovely Leah? Will Pearl and her compatriots escape Roman Times? Will OSHA ever stop by this spaceship and tell them to get their railing standards better? We shall see next week. Til then, thank you for reading and Keep Circulating the Tapes.

4 Down, 172 to go

New Post every Wednesday and Sunday:

Experiment #3

Episode 424 “Manos”: The Hands of Fate

Rewatch Date: January 21, 2023

I aM michAEl, I tAke CAre oF thE plACE wHiLe thE MaSTer is AwAy

“Manos” The Hands of Fate is an episode and movie that have been analyzed to death by so many in the MST3K community. It’s one of the few MST3K movies that somehow transcended the program by virtue of the fact that it was on the show. It is the equivalent of Mando Cane and Psycho and any movie John Waters ever made rolled into a single 69-minute-long moving picture with sound. It has been referred to by many as the worst movie ever made. Of course, the people who think that are either wrong or never saw every MST3K movie. We will get to ones that are truly worse (though none for a while.)

This was the second episode on the MST3K essentials collection. I watched it the day after I watched Santa Clause Conquers the Martians. I remember watching half of it but not being able to finish it due to time limitations. Then I watched part of it the next day before school and the rest after. I was 13 at the time. I don’t know what it says about me but this movie never really phased me. Maybe it was because it was the 3rd episode I ever saw. Maybe it’s because I have a sick mind. Or maybe people are just too sensitive. Whatever, I enjoyed the episode then and I enjoy it now.

If you are an MST3K fan then you already know what the plot of this movie is. Family gets lost and ends up in lodge run by demonic cult.

For those who may not know the history of this film, it was made down in the west Texas town of El Paso by a guy named Harold P. Warren. Warren was not a director or a big shot Hollywood type. He was an insurance salesman who did some community theater and got it into his head that filmmaking was easy. Little did he know. So, he rounded up some people and made the film we know today. The entirety of the movie was shot without sound, overdubbed after the fact. Warren is one of those guys that I wish someone had interviewed about the movie. Maybe there are some newspaper articles from the time. I’m told he thought highly of himself and his acting prowess. Actors were told they would receive part of the gross of the film (which I’m told they did not.) During the first showing of the finished film, audience goers laughed their asses off. I wonder if they had any idea the inanity they were in for. This entire movie looks like B-roll.

We meet the longstanding, beloved and creepy character known as Torgo. A perverted, big kneed, disjointed speech afflicted guy who looks like a Civil War deserter who lived in a forest for nine months. He’s a character everyone does an imitation of. I will not make you suffer though mine. I also agree with Crow’s assessment that he looks like a chainsaw sculpture. I often wonder if the makers of the film knew that Torgo would be the standout character of the film. He gets fourth billing in the film so I can’t imagine. Many MST3K film characters will come, but none shall ascend to the level of Torgo. “Big Knees, Let’s Go with it”. What was the thought process of Torgo having big knees? There’s an erroneous story that states Torgo is supposed to be a satyr, but clearly that is not the case when you realize he’s wearing shoes through the whole film. Torgo was played by John Reynolds: a very talented but sad man who took his life not long after “Manos” was released. My friend Mario found a photo of him in an old high school yearbook. I’m glad he wasn’t around to see the MST3K treatment of him. I’m told he would not have appreciated it.

Correlation to Torgo is his boss: “The Master”. No, not the human character from The Brave Little Toaster. This film’s “Master” is a cult leader who wears a robe and worships a god named “Manos”. Played by Tom Neyman, his daughter Jackey, played the character of little Debbie in the movie. Mr. Neyman was an artist who was doing a lot of artwork that involved hands as a theme. And that’s where the film got its title and its set. I had the honor of Interviewing Jackey Neyman Jones on two separate occasions for a podcast I once hosted. She rocks. She wrote a sequel movie and a book about the making of the film. I need to find a copy. Now that I’ve watched the episode, I can look into the film more.

One thing I’ve always been annoyed by with those who make fun of the movie is the fact that the word “manos” means “hands” in Spanish. So, the joke is that the movie is called "Hands: The Hands of Fate". But in the context of this movie, “Manos” is a proper noun, so you wouldn’t translate it into English anyway. I have similar issue with Operation Double 007 as well but that’s for a later date. If you’re going to make fun of this movie, the title really isn’t something worth laughing at (I actually think it’s a cool title.) Make fun of Future War, that’s a way dumber title.

I don’t feel the need to bring anything else to the “Manos” discussion that hasn’t already been brought. I leave that to the others of the world. All I will say is “Manos”: The Hands of Fate is bad, but watchable.

This episode also contains the first short I bore witness to. “The stirring conclusion to ‘Hired!’” It’s about a doughy, 40s guy who runs a car dealership. All his salesmen suck at their jobs. Luckily, doughy guy’s father is there to remind him the importance of teaching sales techniques to his workers. Who exactly was this film made for? Would they really show this to Chevy store managers. Any advice in the film seems better explained by a manager than a film. Hey! I just realized that’s the whole point of the film. Best riff is the one about “Douglas getting the best sales cause he’s a shapeshifter” also “10 CARS!?”

The riffs somehow salvage an otherwise boring ride. I’ve never seen Manos unriffed (a few seconds here and there but not the whole film.) I’m told that the only reason it is tolerable is because those who watch it just remember the riffs from the episode. I’m sure that’s not true but I can see why many feel that way. I agree with Joel, "every frame of this movie (does) look someone’s last known photograph." Any riffs that sort of comment on the unpleasantness of the film hit home. “So, what are we about half an hour into this movie?” “No, I’m afraid not it’s only been about a minute.” It feels that way at times.

The standout sketch for me is the recreation of the scenic drive. It’s the first example of a sketch I saw where it sort of breaks down half way through. Then becomes a commentary on the breakdown of the sketch. There’s some term for that. I don’t remember it though. The only other standout is Cartuner. Is The Lockhorns still in print?

Mike makes his first appearance as Torgo. He will be back. I love that Torgo’s theme replaces the end credit music for the MST3K episode. I like when shows do that from time to time.

What are your memories of this episode? Do you think “Manos” is the worst movie ever featured on the show? Do you ever wonder what happened to the sheriff and his deputy? Has the will of “Manos” been served? Let me and those who read know what you think.

To remind everybody, this is part of my experiment where I’ll be watching a different MST3K episode, every Saturday until I’ve watched all 176 episodes of the show’s original run in the exact order that I watched each episode for the first time. I will be consuming NO MST3K outside these viewings until this experiment is over. Crazy I know. We shall see what come what may. Will I crack? Will I make it? Will I ever figure out what makes this show so great? Keep reading and find out. Next week I watch the fourth episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 I ever saw. In actuality, the fourth MST3K related thing I saw was the Poopie blooper tape on the "Manos" Disc and not long after Mystery Science Theater 3000 the Movie. But they aren’t episodes, so I will be skipping them. I’m going to leave it a mystery til next week. You will find out then. The only clues I will give are that it’s a Mike Nelson episode and it’s from the Sci-Fi Era. Thank you for reading and Keep Circulating the Tapes.

3 Down 173 to go.

MST3K Rewatch Experiment Week #2

Episode 321 Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Rewatch Date: January 14, 2023

You Spell it S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-U-S, Hooray for Santy Claus!

Hope everybody is having a Merry Christmas. Listen as I regale you with this Christmas Fable.

After seeing MST3K for the first time, I was hooked. I told everyone I knew about this hilarious show that I watched. I needed more. Like a crack addict, I had a Jonesing. Only instead of a street drug, I was addicted to a puppet show. But I had a problem. MST wasn’t airing on television in reruns anymore, we didn’t have internet fast enough to download any episodes (which you shouldn’t do because it’s illegal *wink wink*) and home video releases were expensive for a 13-year-old. One day in October, my mother and I were at Best Buy. There I saw the perfect solution: Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Essentials. The two most requested episodes of all time, released together in one set and only for $19.99. Mom bought it for me, and the whole car ride home I eagerly awaited being able to watch the show that had entranced me so. Not unlike a child on Christmas morn. We only had one DVD player and it was in the basement. So, I popped in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, and my bloodlust for laughs was satiated.

For the people who do not know, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a 1964 children’s movie produced and distributed by Joseph E Levine who was also the Man who also brought us Hercules, Hercules Unchained and The Graduate (though I prefer the first two). In the movie, the children of mars are depressed and acting like soulless robots, not unlike today’s children. The Martians devise that the best way to bring happiness to the kids is to abduct Santa Claus and bring him to cheer up their barren red planet.

My dad actually saw this movie in a theater when he was a kid. How lucky was he? I’m not being ironic. This movie is great. Yeah it’s not well made, cheesy as hell and has some bad kid actors (one of whom would “win” a Golden Globe one day). But it’s fun. Considering all the dreary crap out there, SCCTM is a breath of fresh air. Give me this movie any day. This movie is in the public domain which meant it was shown on Television all the time round the holidays.

Filmfacts: Droppo Actor, Bill McCutchen (AKA the guy in that one Atari Commercial) won a Tony for his work on Broadway. The actress who played Mrs. Claus was once married to John Carradine and Future low rent “exotic Dancer”/Golden Globe buyer: Pia Zadora would grow up to make her parents regret pushing her into life as an actress.

It makes for great riffing as Joel and the Bots give some humdingers whilst not voiding too far from the childlike atmosphere of the film. References to C. Evertt Coop and Divinyls abound. As a kid I was most impressed with the “Robot that walked from Gilligan’s Island to Hawaii" riff. Crow wears a Rudolph nose throughout the whole episode including the theater segments. It is a movie that some could argue doesn’t lend well because it’s so campy. But unlike something akin to Birdemic, which I personally believe was intentionally made to be bad, I get the feeling the makers of this film were earnest and that’s what makes this movie so perfect for the show. Plus, every show needs a Christmas ep.

The sketches hit well. Though if you didn’t grow up in the Midwest before 2010, I’m sure much of it is lost on you. Crow and Servo looking at Christmas catalogues strung about the floor, sifting through crappy Christmas movies ("The Christmas that Totally Ruled" sounds like it could be a fun watch) and reading Christmas essays. Of course, the sketch that most stands out is Mike Nelson’s epic, Patrick Swayze Christmas. This where I learned that there was a Patrick Swayze and that he had been in something called Roadhouse. When I was in school and brought up Patrick Swayze, everyone mentioned this other movie Dirty Dancing. I didn’t know what that was at the time. But as an adult, I prefer Roadhouse. I loved the Patrick Swayze song so much that after his untimely passing in 2009, I declared December 6th to be “Patrick Swayze Day”. A day where we can all make pottery, shoot up Commies, dress in drag and beat the crap out of the crooked sheriff trying to take over our smalltown s-hole. If there’s a heaven and Patrick Swayze is looking down on us, I hope he takes joy in knowing that his legacy lives on in his films and in a song sung two robots and a guy in a jumpsuit. That said in recent years, A Patrick Swayze Christmas has kind of worn out it’s welcome. MST fans sing it constantly round the holidays. It’s not funny unless it has context.

I went to a Rifftrax Live event where Mike Nelson, Bill Corbet and Kevin Murphy re-riffed the film. It was fun. A moment that stands out for me most is when Santa makes 3 baseball bats, Bill chimes in with “one for every hit the Royals will have this year.” As you can imagine, the riff played quite poorly in the Kansas City theater I was in. But Bill would have to eat his words as 10 months later, the Royals won the Pennant and a year after that they would be world champs. Full circle baby.

A lot of people watch this episode at Christmas. I know I did in 2004. Not because I thought it was appropriate for the holidays. But because it was one of only two MST episodes that I had access to at that time. Santa Clause Conquers the Martians is apex MST3K. easily a classic episode. The riffs, the sketches, the mood it evokes. I can’t think of anything more Christmassy (Though a later episode comes close).

What are your memories of this episode? Do you watch this ‘round Christmas time? Did you first see this in a basement? Do you still want to know whatever happened to the subplot about NASA trying to save Santa? Let me and those who read know what you think.

To remind everybody, this is part of my experiment where I’ll be watching a different MST3K episode, every Saturday until I’ve watched all 176 episodes of the show’s original run in the exact order that I watched each episode for the first time. I will be consuming NO MST3K outside these viewings until this experiment is over. Crazy I know. We shall see what come what may. Will I crack? Will I make it? Will I ever figure out what makes this show so great? Keep reading and find out. Next week I watch the third episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 I ever saw. If you are familiar with your DVD releases then you know that episode is the iconic Manos: The Hands of Fate. I finally get to see that episode my friend showed me the VHS of (you know, the one with the Eskimo). I will save my thoughts til then. Thank you for reading and Keep Circulating the Tapes.

2 Down 174 to go.

Experiment #1

Episode 506 Eegah

Rewatch Date: January 7, 2023

Watch Out for Snakes!

The year is 2004. I’m a 13-year-old readying for my last year of Junior High. My best friend D.J., who I hadn’t seen in 2 years, invites me to his house. We chat and play video games like any dorky tweens would. He then asks me if I’ve seen this thing called Mystery Science Theater 3000. I hadn’t. He shows me the cover of the "Manos: The Hands of Fate" VHS. Naturally upon seeing it I assumed it was a show about an Yup'ik. He then proceeded to explain the show to me. Fortunately, D.J. did not show me Manos. Instead, he showed me EEGAH, and the rest they say is history. I remember pissing myself with laughter. D.J. later told me he hadn’t seen the episode prior to showing it to me. I lucked out, I guess. Upon rewatching tonight, I was able to relive some of those memories.

If you aren’t familiar with the movie featured in this episode, It’s your standard early 1960s teens run into caveman flick. The titular EEGAH is played by Richard Keil of James Bond fame. Our heroine Roxy hits him one night with her car. She passes out at the sight of him before being rescued by her dashing boyfriend Tom (played by Arch Hall Jr). They, along with Roxy’s father, proceed to track EEGAH down and basically ruin his life.

The movie doesn’t register high on the pain meter for me. I know it constantly makes lists of “Worst movie of all time”. Maybe it’s because it’s the first episode I ever saw but I am able to stand this pretty easy.

I hadn’t seen this episode in 6 years prior to tonight. My first thought on the rewatch is something I never thought about til tonight. EEGAH really gets the short end of the stick. Roxy hits him with her car, She, her boyfriend and father then hunt him down, He follows her back to civilization thinking she cares for him, Shortly before being shot to death by police. Yeah, the stuff with him being lecherous towards Roxy isn’t great, but he’s a caveman with no concept of civility. If anything, it’s Roxy’s Dad we should think less of. I know the circumstances are bad, but trying to get your daughter to flirt with a 7-foot-tall caveman? Jeez, no wonder your wife left you.

The riffs hit well in both referential and observational humor. I remember being impressed as teenager in that they referenced both Indian Reservation by Paul Revere and the Raiders and Crystal Pepsi. Watching tonight I’m now impressed by the fact that Joel and the bots reference Steven Jay Gould, Richard Leakey, Markie Post and Emmett Kelly. Alex I’ll say, “Who are four people who’ve never been brought up in the same conversation before?”

As much as I love this episode, I’m always amazed at just how vicious the show is to Arch Hall Jr. They are brutal in making fun of his appearance. Noting the fact that at one point they are rooting for him to get accidently shot in the face. It’s not like Arch Hall was some well-known actor like Joe Don Baker. He was just a teen who starred in his dad’s films. He does a good job with what he’s given. He reminds me of a Blonde Mickey Dolenz. I could easily see him as the 5th Monkee. Full disclosure, I interviewed him on my old podcast. He seemed really down to earth about the whole thing. This shocks me. I wouldn’t be able to just brush off “Sorry About my Face” and I don’t know many who would be able to. I sure hope 30 years from now, Puppets don’t make fun of my appearance.

The sketches are classic (except for the Zero Degrees Crow opener which while smart, didn’t really land for me). The one that stood out to me at the time was turning Joel into Arch Hall. I love the minor incarnations of hell discussion. But my favorite sketch is “Where are all the 1960’s moms?” I never took note as a kid all the shows that had single father households. This feels like a Frank sketch as he was the most knowledgeable of television.

Overall a good episode and a fun rewatch. So far it’s at the top of my enjoyment list. That will change so there’s no point displaying the list now.

What are your memories of this episode? Was this your first episode? Did you laugh your keester off like I did? Did you think the jokes about Arch Hall went too far? Let me and those who read know what you think.

To remind everybody, this is part of my experiment where I’ll be watching a different MST3K episode, every Saturday until I’ve watched all 176 episodes of the show’s original run in the exact order that I watched each episode for the first time. I will be consuming NO MST3K outside these viewings until this experiment is over. Crazy I know. We shall see what come what may. Will I crack? Will I make it? Will I ever figure out what makes this show so great? Keep Reading and find out. Next week I watch the second episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 I ever saw: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. I will save my thoughts til then.

Thank you for reading and Keep Circulating the Tapes.

1 Down 175 to go.

Now that I've finished my 176 weeks long quest of rewatching all of the original network run of MST3K. This is the ranking I came up with along the way. I look forward to people telling me how wrong my opinions are:

https://preview.redd.it/4nagjv3l8d5h1.png?width=411&format=png&auto=webp&s=c66900b19546f70dc55fb566eb959b17147ecff4

#1	303- POD PEOPLE
#2	1001- SOULTAKER
#3	706- LASERBLAST
#4	501- WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD
#5	619- RED ZONE CUBA
#6	820- SPACE MUTINY
#7	506- EEGAH
#8	903- PUMA MAN
#9	821- TIME CHASERS
#10	1003- MERLIN'S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS
#11	421- MONSTER A-GO-GO
#12	822- OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK
#13	507- I ACCUSE MY PARENTS
#14	1004- FUTURE WAR
#15	814- RIDING WITH DEATH
#16	811- "PARTS": THE CLONUS HORROR
#17	321- SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS
#18	705- ESCAPE 2000
#19	621- THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS
#20	910- THE FINAL SACRIFICE
#21	504- SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON
#22	908- THE TOUCH OF SATAN
#23	816- PRINCE OF SPACE
#24	1013- DIABOLIK
#25	521- SANTA CLAUS
#26	1007- TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST
#27	609- THE SKY DIVERS
#28	418- ATTACK OF THE THE EYE CREATURES
#29	618- HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT
#30	622- ANGELS' REVENGE
#31	809- I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF
#32	912- THE SCREAMING SKULL
#33	906- THE SPACE CHILDREN
#34	817- HORROR OF PARTY BEACH
#35	1012- SQUIRM
#36	904- WEREWOLF
#37	704- THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN
#38	1010- IT LIVES BY NIGHT
#39	610- THE VIOLENT YEARS
#40	322- MASTER NINJA I
#41	612- THE STARFIGHTERS
#42	901- THE PROJECTED MAN
#43	802- THE LEECH WOMAN
#44	902- PHANTOM PLANET
#45	1002- THE GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS
#46	804- THE DEADLY MANTIS
#47	801- REVENGE OF THE CREATURE
#48	324- MASTER NINJA II
#49	602- INVASION U.S.A.
#50	212- GODZILLA VS. MEGALON
#51	1008- FINAL JUSTICE
#52	907- HOBGOBLINS
#53	819- INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN
#54	624- SAMSON VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN
#55	414- TORMENTED
#56	702- THE BRUTE MAN
#57	813- JACK FROST
#58	508- OPERATION DOUBLE 007
#59	603- THE DEAD TALK BACK
#60	606- THE CREEPING TERROR
#61	424- "MANOS": THE HANDS OF FATE
#62	810- THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION
#63	909- GORGO
#64	703- DEATHSTALKER AND THE WARRIORS FROM HELL
#65	815- AGENT FOR H.A.R.M.
#66	316- GAMERA VS. ZIGRA
#67	1005- BLOOD WATERS OF DR. Z
#68	312- GAMERA VS. GUIRON
#69	608- CODE NAME: DIAMOND HEAD
#70	306- TIME OF THE APES
#71	818- DEVIL DOLL
#72	318- STAR FORCE - FUGITIVE ALIEN II
#73	308- GAMERA VS. GAOS
#74	701- NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST
#75	1006- BOGGY CREEK II
#76	604- ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE
#77	807- TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000
#78	310- FUGITIVE ALIEN
#79	519- OUTLAW (OF GOR)
#80	623- THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN
#81	808- THE SHE CREATURE
#82	411- THE MAGIC SWORD
#83	611- LAST OF THE WILD HORSES
#84	1011- HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND
#85	323- THE CASTLE OF FU-MANCHU
#86	302- GAMERA
#87	803- THE MOLE PEOPLE
#88	423- BRIDE OF THE MONSTER
#89	812- THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES…
#90	419- THE REBEL SET
#91	805- THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE
#92	523- VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS
#93	314- MIGHTY JACK
#94	514- TEEN-AGE STRANGLER
#95	320- THE UNEARTHLY
#96	615- KITTEN WITH A WHIP
#97	806- THE UNDEAD
#98	512- MITCHELL
#99	210- KING DINOSAUR
#100	408- HERCULES UNCHAINED
#101	307- DADDY-O
#102	410- HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN
#103	208- LOST CONTINENT
#104	607- BLOODLUST
#105	911- DEVIL FISH
#106	405- BEING FROM ANOTHER PLANET
#107	614- SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL
#108	510- THE PAINTED HILLS
#109	509- GIRL IN LOVER'S LANE
#110	616- RACKET GIRLS
#111	409- THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MAN
#112	305- STRANDED IN SPACE
#113	515- WILD, WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN
#114	905- THE DEADLY BEES
#115	301- CAVE DWELLERS
#116	319- WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST
#117	422- THE DAY THE EARTH FROZE
#118	518- THE ATOMIC BRAIN
#119	913- QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS
#120	404- TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE
#121	416- FIRE MAIDENS OF OUTER SPACE
#122	620- DANGER! DEATH RAY
#123	201- ROCKETSHIP X-M
#124	304- GAMERA VS. BARUGON
#125	317- VIKING WOMEN VS. THE SEA SERPENT
#126	520- RADAR SECRET SERVICE
#127	213- GODZILLA VS. THE SEA MONSTER
#128	111- MOON ZERO TWO
#129	403- CITY LIMITS
#130	522- TEEN-AGE CRIME WAVE
#131	415- THE BEATNIKS
#132	417- CRASH OF THE MOONS
#133	601- GIRLS TOWN
#134	413- MANHUNT IN SPACE
#135	524- 12 TO THE MOON
#136	503- SWAMP DIAMONDS
#137	315- TEENAGE CAVEMAN
#138	1009- HAMLET
#139	101- THE CRAWLING EYE
#140	309- THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN
#141	412- HERCULES AND THE CAPTIVE WOMEN
#142	613- THE SINISTER URGE
#143	205- ROCKET ATTACK USA
#144	407- THE KILLER SHREWS
#145	204- CATALINA CAPER
#146	107- ROBOT MONSTER
#147	203- JUNGLE GODDESS
#148	517- THE BEGINNING OF THE END
#149	513- THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN't DIE
#150	112- UNTAMED YOUTH
#151	402- THE GIANT GILA MONSTER
#152	406- ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES
#153	605- COLOSSUS AND THE HEADHUNTERS
#154	110- ROBOT HOLOCAUST
#155	502- HERCULES
#156	617- THE SWORD AND THE DRAGON
#157	420- THE HUMAN DUPLICATORS
#158	516- ALIEN FROM L.A.
#159	206- THE RING OF TERROR
#160	401- SPACE TRAVELERS
#161	104- WOMEN OF THE PREHISTORIC PLANET
#162	313- EARTH VS. THE SPIDER
#163	109- PROJECT MOONBASE
#164	511- GUNSLINGER
#165	106- THE CRAWLING HAND
#166	207- WILD REBELS
#167	311- IT CONQUERED THE WORLD
#168	113- THE BLACK SCORPION
#169	505- MAGIC VOYAGE OF SINBAD
#170	108- THE SLIME PEOPLE
#171	211- FIRST SPACESHIP ON VENUS
#172	209- THE HELLCATS
#173	202- THE SIDEHACKERS
#174	105- THE CORPSE VANISHES
#175	103- MAD MONSTER
#176	102- THE ROBOT VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY

Hi, If you saw my previous post, I asked people if they wanted to know how I tracked down he rights to the film used in episode 913 Quest of The Delta Knights. I'm posting in a separate post so it's not buried in that one.

For a little background, I've been rewatching the original network run over the past 3 and half years (one episode each Saturday) and doing a writeup. I'm watching the last one tonight (Pod People). But I have seen that one before many times (wanted to end on a good one). Delta Knights, I had not seen and it's the one I did last week. I've excerpted the part of my writeup talking about finding the rightsholder of the film. Before you read this, there is a bit of bitterness on my part. If you don't like that or just don't want to read something negative, you may want to skip this. I'm not sure how many people here will read this in its entirety or how it will be received, but this is what happened:

Yes, I was the only one who was able to track down the rightsholder to this film. The producers at Shout! Factory were not able to locate them. It was a mystery of surprising proportions. Of all the episodes, this is the one you can’t find the rights to? You managed to find The Pumaman, City Limits and Outlaw, but not this one?

I don’t know if anyone gives a damn about how I found the rightsholder (whose name I’m not saying but will disclose if/when this ever gets a DVD release). But in the event there is someone who wants to know, here is the story:

In 2020, I reached out to a contact at Shout! Factory to see if he had ever tracked down the rights. He told me that he had never been able to find them. He had reached out to the director of the film, but said he never replied back. I then asked if I could try to find the rightsholder. He said sure, knock yourself out.

Now I could tell you about the dozens upon dozens of phone calls to video distributors, people who I thought were video distributors, relatives of video distributors, writing letters to people in English and Spanish, reaching out to the South African film board at one point, getting hung up on more times than I can count. I could regale you will all of that. If I did however, I would be a liar. Because it did not take any of those things to find the rightsholder to Quest of the Delta Knights. Three phone calls… three domestic phone calls are all it took. I called the person who I suspected either owned or would know who owned the rights to the film, left a message, didn’t hear back. About a month later I called the company they worked for, they told me to try calling the number again. That Saturday I called and this is the conversation that took place:

Josh: Hi my name is Josh. Is this (NAME REDACTED)

(NAME REDACTED): Yes, this is.

Josh: Hi (NAME REDACTED), is this a good time to talk?

(NAME REDACTED): Yeah sure.

Josh: My name is Josh. I’m a film and television historian based in the mid-west. I’m working in conjunction with a company that is trying to find the North American home video rights to a film that I think you may have had some affiliation with.

(NAME REDACTED): What’s the name of the movie?

Josh: It’s called “Quest of The Delta Knights”.

(NAME REDACTED): Yeah, I own that. At least I’m pretty sure I do.

I told them there was a company that was interested in making a deal for the film and asked if I could forward their information. They said yes. I then cc’d this person on an email to the my Shout! Factory contact, They confirmed they would be reaching out to them soon, four months later the episode shows up for sale on the official channels.

I'm leaving the name of the person out of this, but just so it's made clear, this movie is owned by exactly who you would think would own it. This is not something where rights changed hands multiple times. The person who owns this is logically the first person you would think to reach out to. Why no did that 12 years earlier, I still don't understand. This easily could have had a DVD release probably back in the RHINO era. I was always under the assumption that RHINO/Shout! had reached out and they said they weren't interested.

Now I know what I’m about to say seems like an odd thing to write in here, but it is part of both my history with the show and the history of MST3K home video releases. From finding the rightsholder, the episode was officially released, people made lots of money, a lot of fans were happy and a lot of good came out of it. Which may make the next sentence I write seem somewhat of a shocker. For about 4 years, I really wished that I had not found the rightsholder. Yeah, I was not happy about it for a long time. Initially I was, but it turned very sour very after a few years.

I’m glad that the mystery was solved and the episode did get a release of sorts. But for a long time, I wish I had not found them. Which is not to say I wish they hadn’t been found at all. I just wished someone else had done it ten years earlier. And if I’m being fully honest about this, I don’t know whether or not I still feel that way now or not

And I suspect I know what the reaction to this is may be, “Does this guy seriously think he’s the reason this episode was released? What a putz.” Here’s the thing though, I have the emails that validate everything I’ve said. I don’t want to share them, but if I have to, I can. And there are other noted MST fans who I told this to back in 2020 and they can vouch.

So why the hell am I saying this? For the same reason I tracked down the rightsholder initially. I want this thing on a DVD. I don't know of any reason why it can't be. My hope is that people here will read this and reach out to say please release this to DVD. I really want this in the same quality as the other episodes that are available legally and not a 480p download that can only be streamed. So if this group can somehow make that happen whether that's through reaching out to RiffTrax or something or making a petition, Even if it's just an ISO file in the highest possible quality like they did with Rocketship XM, I would appreciate it. Otherwise, Thank you for your time. Please don't say hurtful things to me.

Anyone want to know the story about me finding the rightsholder to Quest of The Delta Knights and forwarding them to Shout! Factory, allowing the episode to finally be released digitally?

EDIT: Here's a link to the post detailing the search.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MST3K/comments/1tf0dod/the_reason_why_quest_of_the_delta_knights_was/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button