u/nous-vibrons

I’m taking the leap to help my mental health as I’m just swinging from phases of no issues to borderline crisis for a while now. Here’s the thing- I feel like I am going to hit some roadblocks with therapy for a couple reasons.

First: I have autism. Not on paper, as I had to abandon my diagnosis journey due to issues with finding providers who will assess adults. My other medical providers believe it to be incredibly likely that I have it, due to certain lifelong behaviors that I’ve exhibited. One of the issues I struggle with because of my autism is being extremely inflexible. I have terrible difficulties changing my mind on something once the pathway has been set. It makes it hard for me to seriously make changes in my life and changes in my cognition. I know this is a keystone of a lot of therapies, and I wonder how I am supposed to work through anything when I have an unusually hardwired brain.

Second: I feel like I am overly intellectual and aware of my issues. I’ve already done the “this is what makes me anxious and I know that what I’m thinking is irrational” but I can’t go beyond that. Trying to reframe things just gets me in a cycle of what ifs and whataboutisms as my brain tries to justify the feeling regardless of the logic I present it with. My main issues are anxiety and suspected OCD. When I start having intrusive thoughts I try to out logic them because I know they are irrational but I think my way back into irrationality. For instance, I’ll get worried that I have a blood clot. Then I’ll tell myself that blood clots are incredibly unlikely in my age group. But then the fear that I’m the exception will come in, then the fear I’ll die because I thought my way out of a fear. I have zero tolerance for uncertainty. I’d like to be right, and when there is no right, I suffer.

Third: I don’t know how well I’d go through with any changes I’d have to make. Like I said in my first point, I’m really rigid and I don’t know how successful I’d be at anything that requires changing my life. Some of this is the autism and some of this has to do with the fact I’m just not really good at being a person.

Fourth: I have zero clue how I’m not supposed to be anxious about the bad things in my life, and I’ve had a lot of bad things. My life is kinda just constant impending doom. There’s things I cannot change that will objectively have a negative impact on my life for the foreseeable future. I don’t like that I have to live this way and don’t like that I’m just expected to accept it.

Anyway, these things make me a bit apprehensive of therapy. I want to try it in conjunction with meditation, hopefully to find a new mindset or cope until the material conditions of my life improve, if they improve. I want to become a better person but I feel like I can just tell I will give up on the legwork. Am I being too pessimistic? What are some changes I can make even before therapy that will improve my outcomes? Is there a certain therapy that will help me better than others?

My mental health has been incredibly poor for a month or so now. I’m experiencing more generalized anxiety than ever and just a lot of existential dread which really makes me down. Here’s the thing: I don’t know how to feel better when feeling at this end of my rope seems so justified.

I’m an unemployed college grad in a shit job market and I don’t see any improvement in the future. I have loans to pay and thankfully a roof over my head for free but I still feel a little pathetic living with my parents.

At the same time, I feel obligated to bc my mom is chronically ill and no one else can take care of her because my dad’s disabled. They’ve given up on their marriage to the point my mom actively chooses not to speak to him, so if I’m not around they will both talk to nobody since my older sister never visits. I try very hard to not be resentful or upset about this but I just get so frustrated at how encumbered it makes me.

I don’t go out because it costs money I don’t have and so I don’t see people or interact with people my own age. My friends I do have live far away. I’m in general bad at making friends and haven’t had a new meaningful connection with someone who reciprocated in years. I think there is something foundationally unlikable about me or something. I feel like life is passing me by.

The whole world seems like it’s in a death spiral. My one bit of hope is that I’m of the opinion we’re witnessing a conservative extinction burst but the fallout of what sometimes feels like literal fascism rising seems on the horizon for society as a whole and I’m concerned where that is going to go.

I don’t want to be poor and lonely my entire life, but yet, I’m not seeing how I’m not going to be. We all live in hell and I’m a nervous wreck because of it. But how am I supposed to get by? How do I stop being anxious and dissatisfied with a life and world that’s just shit? I want to get better and be more productive, confident and happy so I can go out and do things, I dream of being carefree and doing big things with my life, and I’d like to step toward that. However, I’m stuck in my hole for the foreseeable future and I don’t know how or even why I have to cope with it in the meantime.

ET-2840 has been connected to the WiFi for a month and worked previously. We have not been using it much since we are trying to use up ink from other printers we have first. Today, went to print from it and it would show up in the list of printers on computers, phones and my iPad, but it wouldn’t connect. Went to the Smart Panel app and the Smart Panel couldn’t find it, either. Tried to reset the network settings and start it like a new printer in the app. I got as far as setting it back up on the WiFi, but once it tried to add it to the app, it said it’s not found.

It’s on the WiFi, same WiFi as our devices (it’s literally the only WiFi around), the WiFi it USED TO WORK ON, but it won’t communicate with any local network devices. All of the required devices have permissions for local area network access. What’s going on?

So I’m a big fan of collecting older media formats, and I’m trying to get back into cassette collecting. I have an admittedly cheap portable cassette player that gets the job done but ideally I’d get a better shape vintage one.

I’m in the US, and my price range is towards the low middle end of things, since this isn’t going to be my main driver. I still intend to use my phone w my Bluetooth earbuds and my records through my hi-fi mainly. This is just something for when I want to unplug from my phone for walks and things.

I’d like something decently balanced in sound but it doesn’t need to blow me away with any sound, I’m listening to cassettes after all, they aren’t super dynamic to begin with. I’ll probably be listening to a lot of both classic rock (mainly towards the post punk end of things) and a few modern releases of various heavier genres (my post was inspired by the fact I’ve got a new hardcore cassette coming in the mail). Maybe some pop from time to time.

However, I’m looking for something that has maybe a more robust cable than your average pair of dirty buds. I’m mean to cables, even if I try not to be. I catch them on things, just toss them in my pocket, things of that sort. I’ll probably be doing less of that since I won’t be listening as often, but I’d like something with a good lifespan. I prefer earbuds, especially rubber tipped (as most are these days) cause they seem to be less leaky than over ears and bigger over ears don’t play nice with my glasses, but if a better quality over ear is available at a better price point or is easier to find, I’ll take those.

So I’m writing a story where a woman is interviewing a man who is in the hospital. It takes place in the UK, specifically somewhere around Manchester, and in the early-mid 1980s. I made some references to the man smoking whilst hospitalized as a marker that this story takes place in the past. However, once I did this, I realized, I don’t know if that was still allowed in the 1980s. I know public smoking was certainly still a thing in the 1980s, and when I tried to do research, I could only find out about the law in like 2004 that banned smoking in places like pubs. Even if it was legal in the past, were there hospital policies that preceded bans?

If it helps, the man wouldn’t be in any particularly intensive wards, just a general recovery/observation ward for injuries after being jumped by a gang of youths. If not in the ward itself, would he be able to be taken to some sort of outdoor area where he could smoke? Also, if the smoking thing doesn’t work at all, are there any other markers I could use that would help signify time and place without explicitly saying so?

Currently can’t sleep because I’ve been having issues sleeping due to overall increased anxiety. I have this really bad cycle where I’ll have one big outburst, and then for days afterwards be really anxious because my baselines gotten all fucked up. However, whenever I get any amount of insomnia, that also makes me even more anxious because I start worrying I’ll never be able to sleep again and die because of a prion disease. Because I know that’s a thing.

I feel like some knowledge is like a cognitohazard for me. Knowing it gives my anxiety something to latch on to. If I were more ignorant of health things I wouldn’t have this amount of health anxiety. I feel like I know about so many bad things (not just health related) that make me anxious that if I didn’t know them, I would be less anxious.

Does anyone else wish this?