u/ofthrees

...but taking my first week off since July 2024, now supporting five people (previously, I had one big bad and aligned my PTO with his, so coming back from PTO was pretty manageable), hearing my phone buzz incessantly starting around 4:30a every day (most of my team is ET and I'm PT), and peeking through my fingers at my inbox on Wednesday morning (600+)...

I have a legit pit in my stomach imagining logging in tomorrow.

I was planning to start the week in the office, but I suspect that after I log in at 5:30a [I can't imagine waiting till 7:30a or 8a], I won't even be able to think about a shower, much less a commute, until something like 6p.

I'd ask who can relate, but I already know everyone can.

Send good vibes!

i'm nearly five years into this, and my dreams started out as beautiful visits, then stopped, and now i have them more nights than not, and they are always involving my husband and i being in a real world scenario, and he's cold, and when i pull him aside to talk, he wants a divorce.

there are always details surrounding this, but the dreams are ultimately the same at the end - he is cold, i ask him if he wants a divorce, he says yes. usually, he's openly dating someone and i'm aware of it, and when i ask him if he wants to be with her, he says yes, and i say "okay."

i'm never jealous in these dreams, and while i'm sad, i always just say, "okay, if that's what will make you happy."

i know this is unresolved grief, and likely even guilt over issues we had over the years, but it's really starting to fuck with me. i have these dreams more often than not, to the point i feel like an imposter still wearing his rings or keeping his things on display in the home. i'm actually starting to feel like he's haunting me. he wasn't a vengeful sort, so it kind of feels like he's screaming at me to move on, but i don't know.

is this him trying to tell me to finally move on? is this just grief? is this guilt?

i'd love some feedback from others who might have experienced similar.

ETA: i've not pursued counseling at all since his passing.

This isn't the most annoying thing that has ever happened to me, but it has been pissing me off since it occurred six hours ago:

Coordinated an onsite for my team that was out of state for 98% of the attendees. The last three I coordinated, I coordinated every detail and attended as well; this time, it was much more laid back, I was unable to join (was optional to begin with), and a couple of people on the team actually planned the evening event themselves, with me involved only as far as confirming the menu and signing the contract/handling the deposit.

When it came to selecting a beverage package, I connected with one of my bosses, the one who was in charge of planning, to get her feedback, as in order to stay under our hard and fast per person max, the only guaranteed option was to do beer and wine only (for this group, uncool, but it would've guaranteed staying under budget) or going on consumption - risky.

My boss indicated that she felt on consumption would be ideal (agreeing with me that beer/wine only wouldn't go over well), and asked if we could put in a max to avoid going over. We agreed on the dollar amount to max at (which was generous, and I did all the calculations to ensure even with higher tax and grat that we'd come in at our max limit or just under), and as recently as Monday, she told me she didn't think we'd come close to hitting it due to the non-drinkers and the people who might have a single beer or glass of wine. She felt strongly that those people would offset those who would order a few top shelf cocktails.

All good.

Then, HER boss (who doesn't drink) called me on teams just after they got to the venue tonight. Odd, because we've spoken live precisely once, nearly a year ago.

After pleasantries were exchanged - her, brightly, saying hi and asking how i was, me saying i'm great, how are you, how's it going? her responding all is great - then her tone suddenly changed:

"Can you explain to me why there's a max of X dollars at the bar?"

I was totally caught off guard, but explained why and that my boss, her direct, had requested the cutoff point and blessed that specific number.

"You realize this is only 1.5 drinks per person."

"Is it? We calculated that it would be at least two drinks per person, if everyone drinks, which we know some people won't." [of note, i personally know of at least ten people who don't drink at all, and at least ten more who might have a single beer.]

"How much is the food, then?" Her tone implying I should've left more room for booze.

Bear in mind, this is a) a place I didn't select and b) their food package prices were set.

She stayed impatiently on the line with me while I located the contract, and when I told her the food costs left $40pp for drinks, she said, "well, that's not enough." I asked, "Are drinks that expensive there that $40pp won't cover more than one?" (I already knew they weren't; their cocktails max at $15 each.) When she said that no, $40pp should be fine [then why are you calling me about this, lady?], she followed up by saying, "won't that increase the tax and gratuity if we hit that number? Did you factor that in when you left $40 for alcohol?" Suddenly she was now implying the max was too high?

I explained that yes, my boss and I had calculated increased taxes and tip into coming up with the bar limit, and pointed out that my boss didn't think we'd come close to hitting that number. I suggested that if they hit the max, that one of the leaders there put down their card, which is ultimately what we agreed on, but she was clearly pissed off. She seemed to believe I'd gone entirely rogue on this.

And I'm left to wonder why on earth my boss's boss came directly to me with this, rather than going to her direct who she knew was in charge of the whole thing (the direct who was in the room with her at the time). Like, if she had gone to my boss, onsite with her, my boss would've told her exactly what I did - so why did she call me to dress me down for trying to follow company policy?

It's worth noting that if we go over the max, the difference is non-reimbursable. Was she really suggesting I should've not considered the max pp at all and ended up holding the bag on the overage?

Frankly, I don't like this woman anyway; she's always vibed to me as an asshole. And apparently, I was right. Instead of "confronting" her direct, she decided to skip down to me, not even in attendance, and dress me down.

It was all I could do not to text my boss immediately and ask wtf, but I restrained myself. (Btw, I know that my boss would've never thrown me under the bus for this - she would've absolutely explained the logic - so I am certain that she wasn't asked about it at all.)

Anyway - again, not the biggest deal, but still: annoying.

UPDATE: logged in and viewed the final bill. They did not, in fact, reach the bar max.

Mostly-remote team is hosting an onsite next month. This will the fourth I've executed, with the prior three requiring me to be boots on the ground for 4-5 days onsite across the country, which I did, quite happily (despite the stress involved in planning myriad events and meetings in cities and offices in which I don't actually work).

I'm now in a new (much more laidback) team with the same company, and this time, they really just need me to arrange a couple of lunches and dinner transport for one night (as well as hotels/flights/etc, already handled), and my attendance is entirely optional - so optional, in fact, that it didn't occur to leadership to invite me until I made the assumption I should be there. At that point, it was like, "oh! you can come if you want!"

So they're leaving it entirely up to me, though I think they'd really like if I were there to manage things (since I mentioned it), and I think that's best, as well, if only because it would prove my value in a real way.

Here's my dilemma:

This event is a city I love and have been wanting to go back to for a couple of years, and I have friends from my prior team in that city with whom I'd love to get together while in town. Also, I've only met 7 of the 45 in person, and I only have occasion to meet with a handful of them virtually on cam, so I'm basically just a ghost making things happen behind the scenes (I've actually heard that some have mentioned "I've never even seen ofthrees; does she actually exist?) - so putting a face to my name would be a really good thing, professionally.

HOWEVER, making this trip will be personally very difficult for me. I'm a widow with pets who lives alone, so this would require me to ask friends and family to drop in twice a day to feed them and clean up after them (leaving food out isn't an option), which I loathe asking for if I don't have to. I have in fact already arranged it "just in case," but the people who can help would be really turning their lives upside down for a few days in order to do this for me, and while they say they're happy to, I just feel shitty about it.

But more importantly, I'm going through a health situation (think of something VERY serious that you wouldn't necessarily want colleagues to know about, one that didn't exist in the prior three events with the other team) that only a handful of people know about (and only two in this new team - leaders who have kept it absolutely confidential), and the daily requirements of managing this are complicated with travel. I don't want to get into the details, but let me be clear: this isn't a matter of traveling with a cpap or something similar. Taking this trip would not only put my health issues on full display, it would absolutely invite either direct questions, or worse, gossip. I feel like that would neutralize the whole "oh! you're ofthrees! awesome!"

So, what would you do?

I feel like the right thing to do is to go, but I also know that taking care of my health there the way I do at home will invite a lot of curiosity/questions/gossip. In addition to actually being nearly impossible to do the way I need to, but to explain that, I'd have to go into the details I'm trying to refrain from. And I also know that this particular event will probably go off well even if I'm managing it from afar (the prior three required MUCH more on-the-ground attention).

I'm at a loss and could use some feedback from counterparts. (I'd ask my counterparts in the org, but they also don't know my situation - and I don't want them to.)

Help?

And this may have nothing do with anything but my own bad luck, but given all the hijinks going on with the administration and the mail service, and in light of this, I thought I should share this.

(TL;DR - USPS can no longer be trusted. Long ass anecdote to follow.)

On 4/9, I mailed a certified letter to an address in Sacramento - this was an extremely important letter with a deadline, and if it arrived late, was tantamount to losing three weeks' pay. (An appeal for improperly denied paid family leave. Denied on the basis of receiving full wages during leave period, when paystubs clearly prove this was not the case - which I include before anyone asks me what makes me think it was an improper denial.)

It arrived on April 16, according to tracking (14 days prior to deadline). But when the portal wasn't updated with the receipt of the documents, nor did anything arrive in the mail, I checked tracking again on 5/4, and only then did I notice that it had been delivered to the wrong ZIP code in West Sacramento.

Immediately went to post office, the woman behind the counter was baffled. Checked the system - yep, it had been sent to the right address. Nope, the zip it had been delivered to had nothing to do with said address. She apologized and refunded my money.

Because I know never to send anything to the government without scanning a soft copy for myself, I came home, printed out the original appeal, and included a letter explaining the situation (as to why I'm now outside the 30 day appeal window) and making copies of the original certified receipt and tracking showing improper delivery. I was relatively confident this would solve the problem.

Took it back to the post office on the 6th, same woman helped me, we triple checked my address, and I sent it off express this time for arrival by today, 5/8.

Checked tracking this morning - it is sitting in Richmond, Virginia. It went from Long Beach to the LA distribution center, and then Sacramento distribution center, and THEN Virginia. Where it sits.

Called the main USPS number this time, and they confirmed the correct address was on the mailpiece and couldn't explain what happened. I was told to wait till the item shows delivered (it's currently hanging in the Richmond distribution center) and call back to put a service ticket on it. Nothing they can do yet.

Went into the post office again, saw the same woman again, she was like, "you've gotta be kidding me," and advised me to call the Richmond distribution center directly to have it redelivered. (As if I can contact a local distribution center directly, and as if I can trust Sacramento to not send it to Alaska next time.)

Important to note that both times, I sent it to the very same address that I've successfully sent mail to previously; there is zero doubt that I had the right address.

Anyway, this would just be a useless war story about my personal problems, but with an election coming up, I just thought I'd pass it along. I would urge you to either vote in person next month (and in November), or at the very least, use a drop box, because something funky is going on in the Sacramento USPS distribution center, at least based on my very recent back-to-back experiences.

Our mail in ballots go to Industry, so perhaps they aren't at risk, but I wouldn't advise taking the chance.