u/ohgodohfuckj

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"OH MY GOD, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!"

Seol's eyes snapped open, and she glanced up at the source of the Russian-accented exclamation of disbelief. Illyana, who was sat at the far end of the couch that Seol was sat in front of, gestured with her controller to the TV. Seol turned her attention to the screen, where a small, cartoony depiction of Scott Summers was flat on his ass on the floor, gazing up, blushing pink at the sight of a similar rendition of Bobby Drake.

Seol stifled a giggle. Illyana had been playing her new social-sim game all morning, trying to get the in-game version of Scott to fall in love with the version of Scott's real-life wife Jean. But evidently little Scott had gone and fallen for Bobby instead.

After the cartoony depiction of Iceman helped Scott back to his feet, a prompt appeared on the screen - a choice for Illyana to encourage or discourage little Scott's crush. Illyana's mouth twisted as she flicked the cursor back and forth between the two options. Sai, who was laid across the length of the couch with her legs draped over Illyana's, spoke up.

"You wouldn't deny his love, would you darling?"

Illyana huffed. "But he should be with Jean!"

"Wow, Illyana!" gasped Seol, voice laden with faux shock. "You'd refuse Scott's love for another man to force him into a relationship with a woman? Kinda homophobic, babe."

"Disgraceful." added Sai.

"I hate you two..." grumbled Illyana, but the wry smile on her face as she told the cartoony rendition Scott to pursue his crush betrayed her real feelings. As Illyana returned her focus to the game, Mantis returned from her morning run, with their day's mail in hand. The empath perched herself on the arm of the couch beside Illyana, idly flicking through the envelopes as she excitedly chatted with Sai about a dog she had met during her run. Suddenly, though, Mantis let out a sharp gasp. Everyone turned to her.

"Seol…" the empath started, holding up bright red envelope covered haphazardly in pink love-heart stickers. "She's sent you another one." Seol's eyes widened as she recognized the handwriting. And the pawprint. AGAIN?

As Seol wondered why a woman who so openly disliked her kept inviting her onto her show, the envelope was surrounded by a pinkish energy, and it levitated from Mantis' grasp into the hands of Sai. "Shall I read this, Seol?" the telepath asked.

"Actually babe," Seol replied, "I'd like to read it this time." The last letter Rocketina had sent Seol hadn't reached her in the best mental state, but her third place finish on Rocketina's Holiday Hoes had done wonders for Seol's self-confidence (at least in regards to superhero-themed drag shows), and she was now more than ready to deal with whatever bullshit the Procyon pop-star was up to this time. Sai floated the envelope into Seol's hands, and she quickly tore it open.

Rocketina had, like last time, either dictated the letter or chosen to manually write out her own vocal inflections. And, like Sai did last time, Seol neglected to imitate the accent as she read the letter aloud.

LUNA!!!!!

Thanks to some skilful use of my mouth (and I ain't talking about my way with words) the producers of GDR have recognized my brilliance as a host, and I've got myself another special! This one's themed around the immutable power of love or whatever because apparently my pitch for an orgy-themed season "wasn't appropriate for television". Boring, right? Anyway, we got Storm and Panther, Scotty and Jean and Reed and Suzie for the strags, Johnny and Peter Pansy for the

Seol blinked a couple of times. "She's... just... drawn a lit cigarette here."

For the... cigarettes. And we need a couple of lesbos for the like three of them who watch GDR. And, well, you are yours are the only canon ones we got at the moment.

Sai interrupted with a question. "What does canon mean in this context?"

"Honestly, I don't know." shrugged Seol in response.

Soooo, I would be honoured if you and one of your girls would join us for five weeks of... cigarette, sheep, tree? starting July 27th!

Oh, I had a chat with the suits in corporate and they said they'd prefer you bring that fox girl or Magik (apparently you and one of those two are the most palatable lezzie couples for general audiences) but honestly I don't give a shit who you bring and thanks to my expert negotiating skills none of the producers have any real power in this. Now that I'm thinking about it, it's not like you're even needed, wannabe Betsy and the bug girl as our lesbo rep would work just fine too.

Actually I called the fox girl to try and get some dirt on Tina Tanuki once, and she just told me she knew what I did on Barbados in '09 and hung up, and honestly that was the only time in my entire life I've felt real dread and fear so please please don't bring her.

Yours gayly, Rocketina

PS. Tell anyone about the real dread and fear thing and I'll rig the GDR voting system against you, your girlfriends and any girl any of you have so much as flicked the bean to for the rest of time

As Seol considered just how many women would suffer Rocketina's wrath should that happen, she turned back to her girlfriends.

"So. What do we think?" she asked.

Sai spoke up first. "You know how much I love spending time with you all, but I will decline. I have no express desire to return to that show."

"Aww, I thought you enjoyed yourself?" Mantis queried.

"I enjoyed the camaraderie, particularly Wanda's. But I prefer to enjoy the company of my friends in less irritating environments."

Seol nodded. "OK, Sai's out. And... I can't say why, but I tried to schedule a date with Ami for the end of the month, and she's going to be very busy. So, you two?" she asked, looking over at Illyana and Mantis. "Any takers?"

Mantis' brow furrowed. "It sounds fun. But Peter has been talking about a Guardians road trip some time in August. It may overlap with filming the show."

"OK. Illyana?" Seol asked as she clambered onto the couch, Sai swiftly moving her legs out of the way to accommodate her.

The mutant swordswoman exhaled slowly. "I don't know, Seol…"

"Aw c'mon, babe! When was the last time you and me did something, just the two of us?"

"Last night? When I took you to the spare room and fu..."

"You know what I mean, dummy." Seol smiled as she interrupted her partner, reaching out and playfully pressing her finger against Illyana's nose.

Illyana rolled her eyes. "You're such a fucking cornball..."

"A cornball you fell for." beamed Seol. "C'mon, babe! It'll be fun! You and me!"

Illyana sighed, clearly already won over and offering only token resistance. "I guess the Christmas one you did seemed pretty chill..."

Seol grinned and leant in slightly closer. "Mhm..."

"And it has been a while since the two of us had some time together..."

"Mhm..."

"And it'll be nice to see Scott and Jean again..."

"Uh-huh..."

"And I can finally give Rocketina a piece of my mind for how she treated you in Season 2..."

"Yeah?"

Illyana rolled her eyes again. "Fine, I'll do your stupid show with you." Seol planted a kiss on Illyana's cheek, the mutant's face reddening at the contact. "But I'm only doing it because I'm doing it with you. Don't expect me to say yes to the main show if they come calling." Seol smiled and curled up next to Illyana as the blond returned her attention to her game, focusing on her next matchmaking attempt - getting the avatars of her friends Danielle and Rahne together.

As Mantis headed off to change out of her running clothes, Sai's voice appeared in Seol's head.

We are still going to cajole her into going on a full season, yes?

Oh, absolutely.