u/ohgoshsorry

I have never made a reddit account before this one so i apologize in advance if i break rules.

For starters, im 19y/o and diagnosed with depression anxiety ptsd adhd and anorexia i just wanna know if anyone else with these diagnoses can relate to me or if i should seek a professional once more, because i feel quiet confused and alone. I had an attempt 2 summers ago and i feel since then things have been getting worse and worse. my therapist suggested that i find someone else about 1 year ago because she said she didnt know how she could help me and i havent had a therapist since. However the past 15 days or so ive been taking notes about my days and emotions. but everytime i read them back its like i dont even remember writing any of it. even writing this is making me extremely nervous.

I think i hallucinated within the past month (part of the reason im writing this post), Which ive never had before or at least i think they were im not sure if im making it up or not. im gonna copy word for word what i wrote down in my notes from that night so i apologize for spelling mistakes, "saw a face which seemed to be inbedded in the fabric of my curtains but i couldnt tell if it was real or not so oi jhust sat there trying to be as still as possible so it wouldnt see me and so i could observe to see if it was a threat or not, made me breath extremely heavily and fast and i didnt mmove a thing except for my pupils to look around subtly" and around 30 minutes later, "something bresthing behind me in bed, im trying hardest to just bresth hesvy and loud so im louder than its bresth cause i k ow deep down its not resl but udually only after and it takes me s lot of strength to not go completely silent in fear because of whatever is there." Ive been thinking abt that since its happened and it makes me scared even thinking back and remembering that happening and seeing and hearing that stuff.

Sometimes i crawl underneath windows if they are left uncovered because im scared ppl are outside watching me. sometimes i feel like a completely different person than the last day with like different opinions or feelings than yesterday that make me wish i could take back what i said cause its not at all what i think anymore, and not in a way where i said something mean and regret it, i mean talking abt basic things like opinions and interests. I'll do something nice to/for someone or for myself just because i wanted to, but i notice around 1 second AFTER i do that thing i get thoughts about that i was just doing that thing to manipulate people subconsciously somehow. Its extremely distressing because the thoughts are completely unwanted and sometimes i do end up giving into it and become extremely self hating and isolate myself from everyone because i dont wanna do that to anyone on accident. I also have a very constant looming guilt as though ive murdered someone, and ive had this feeling since i was about 12 (i cant remember almost anything before that age anyway). Anytime i go outside it feels like everyone is either staring at me cause im weird or talking about me to whoever they are with and if i tell this to someone they always tell me that random people arent looking or talking about me even though i can literally see everyone staring at me. Ive also feel like people can read my mind sometimes which has happened since i was younger and i kinda believe it, i sometimes try and talk to people through mind reading without telling them out loud to try and "catch" them.

I wanna know if this is normal for the diagnoses i have or if i should try getting a therapist/psychiatrist again (i havent been on any medication for about a year now)

I have never made a reddit account before this one so i apologize in advance if i break rules.

For starters, im 19y/o and diagnosed with depression anxiety ptsd adhd and anorexia i just wanna know if anyone else with these diagnoses can relate to me or if i should seek a professional once more, because i feel quiet confused and alone. I had an attempt 2 summers ago and i feel since then things have been getting worse and worse. my therapist suggested that i find someone else about 1 year ago because she said she didnt know how she could help me and i havent had a therapist since. However the past 15 days or so ive been taking notes about my days and emotions. but everytime i read them back its like i dont even remember writing any of it. even writing this is making me extremely nervous.

I think i hallucinated within the past month (part of the reason im writing this post), Which ive never had before or at least i think they were im not sure if im making it up or not. im gonna copy word for word what i wrote down in my notes from that night so i apologize for spelling mistakes, "saw a face which seemed to be inbedded in the fabric of my curtains but i couldnt tell if it was real or not so oi jhust sat there trying to be as still as possible so it wouldnt see me and so i could observe to see if it was a threat or not, made me breath extremely heavily and fast and i didnt mmove a thing except for my pupils to look around subtly" and around 30 minutes later, "something bresthing behind me in bed, im trying hardest to just bresth hesvy and loud so im louder than its bresth cause i k ow deep down its not resl but udually only after and it takes me s lot of strength to not go completely silent in fear because of whatever is there." Ive been thinking abt that since its happened and it makes me scared even thinking back and remembering that happening and seeing and hearing that stuff.

Sometimes i crawl underneath windows if they are left uncovered because im scared ppl are outside watching me. sometimes i feel like a completely different person than the last day with like different opinions or feelings than yesterday that make me wish i could take back what i said cause its not at all what i think anymore, and not in a way where i said something mean and regret it, i mean talking abt basic things like opinions and interests. I'll do something nice to/for someone or for myself just because i wanted to, but i notice around 1 second AFTER i do that thing i get thoughts about that i was just doing that thing to manipulate people subconsciously somehow. Its extremely distressing because the thoughts are completely unwanted and sometimes i do end up giving into it and become extremely self hating and isolate myself from everyone because i dont wanna do that to anyone on accident. I also have a very constant looming guilt as though ive murdered someone, and ive had this feeling since i was about 12 (i cant remember almost anything before that age anyway). Anytime i go outside it feels like everyone is either staring at me cause im weird or talking about me to whoever they are with and if i tell this to someone they always tell me that random people arent looking or talking about me even though i can literally see everyone staring at me. Ive also feel like people can read my mind sometimes which has happened since i was younger and i kinda believe it, i sometimes try and talk to people through mind reading without telling them out loud to try and "catch" them.

I wanna know if this is normal for the diagnoses i have or if i should try getting a therapist/psychiatrist again (i havent been on any medication for about a year now)

I have never made a reddit account before this one so i apologize in advance if i break rules.

For starters, im 19y/o and diagnosed with depression anxiety ptsd adhd and anorexia i just wanna know if anyone else with these diagnoses can relate to me because i feel quiet confused and alone. I had an attempt 2 summers ago and i feel since then things have been getting worse and worse. my therapist suggested that i find someone else about 1 year ago because she said she didnt know how she could help me and i havent had a therapist since. However the past 15 days or so ive been taking notes about my days and emotions. but everytime i read them back its like i dont even remember writing any of it. even writing this is making me extremely nervous.

I think i hallucinated on the 11th (part of the reason im writing this post), Which ive never had before or at least i think they were im not sure if im making it up or not. im gonna copy word for word what i wrote down in my notes from that night so i apologize for spelling mistakes, "saw a face which seemed to be inbedded in the fabric of my curtains but i couldnt tell if it was real or not so oi jhust sat there trying to be as still as possible so it wouldnt see me and so i could observe to see if it was a threat or not, made me breath extremely heavily and fast and i didnt mmove a thing except for my pupils to look around subtly" and around 30 minutes later, "something bresthing behind me in bed, im trying hardest to just bresth hesvy and loud so im louder than its bresth cause i k ow deep down its not resl but udually only after and it takes me s lot of strength to not go completely silent in fear because of whatever is there." Ive been thinking abt that since its happened and it makes me scared even thinking back and remembering that happening and seeing and hearing that stuff.

Sometimes i crawl underneath windows if they are left uncovered because im scared ppl are outside watching me. sometimes i feel like a completely different person than the last day with like different opinions or feelings than yesterday that make me wish i could take back what i said cause its not at all what i think anymore, and not in a way where i said something mean and regret it, i mean talking abt basic things like opinions and interests. I'll do something nice to/for someone or for myself just because i wanted to, but i notice around 1 second AFTER i do that thing i get thoughts about that i was just doing that thing to manipulate people subconsciously somehow. Its extremely distressing because the thoughts are completely unwanted and sometimes i do end up giving into it and become extremely self hating and isolate myself from everyone because i dont wanna do that to anyone on accident. I also have a very constant looming guilt as though ive murdered someone, and ive had this feeling since i was about 12 (i cant remember almost anything before that age anyway). Anytime i go outside it feels like everyone is either staring at me cause im weird or talking about me to whoever they are with and if i tell this to someone they always tell me that random people arent looking or talking about me even though i can literally see everyone staring at me. Ive also feel like people can read my mind sometimes which has happened since i was younger and i kinda believe it, i sometimes try and talk to people through mind reading without telling them out loud to try and "catch" them. i dont feel human.