u/oldVWguy

I’ve used those words to others explaining the oddity of how often the “truth” changes. “If I went back I wouldn’t recognize it.”

I was born in and never had faith, but always had that nagging guilt and suspicion that maybe it was right. I did the right thing on the outside, but inside I didn’t want to be there.

I got baptized at 15. I was such an example. In reality I did it to make my dad happy. It took the actual circuit assembly talk to remind me I was supposed to have spent the night in prayer and supplication regarding my dedication. Oops.

I became an auxiliary pioneer that summer. I became a ministerial servant at 19. I married a witness at 20 and we both started regular pioneering. I went to Pioneer School at 21. All the while doing “privilege” after “privilege.”

Chronologically, I ran mics, handled the stage, did the sound, worked in literature, did the territories, accounts, conducted the back Theocratic Ministry School, gave Public Talks all over, conducted a Home Bookstudy for a good year while the elder took care of his sick wife. I conducted a Watchtower Study, after giving the Public Talk, when all the elders had a big meeting about a new Assembly Hall.

I was disfellowshipped in 30 minutes for something I didn’t do. The committee had the evidence that what they were accusing me of didn’t happen, but weren’t thinking critically enough to figure it out. I explained it. They had me out in less than an hour. I was scheduled to give the Public Talk that coming Sunday in my brother’s congregation. What a way to cancel it.

I was reading about how difficult it is to get disfellowshipped now. How many visits and attempts and record considered. And I saw a picture of a congregation with tablets and the screens, read about Zoom meetings. Cart witnessing. Slacks on sisters. Beards and no ties and now this blood thing. More twists to the generation and how long you can party before trying to get back in and talking to disfellowshipped people and not calling them disfellowshipped.

At 55, I’ve been out for 20 years now, though I was a life long PIMO beforehand. And I genuinely think if I were to walk into a Hall, it would not feel like the same place. And if I tried to give one of the many Public Talk outlines for which I was frequently requested, the congregation would murmur about how wrong the information is. The truth. Wrong.

Have you experienced this? Giving up so much life to something that can’t seem to find a straight line?