u/oldmomlady3

I am at my wits' end with my oldest. He's going to be 17 at the beginning of November, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I literally can't say ANYTHING to him. He's always been a very emotional, stubborn kid - glass half-empty, easily upset, and even if he's happy he can turn to pissed on a dime. It got better for a while when he was around 8th grade, he learned how to control his anger a bit better. But I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him.

He doesn't talk to me at all, and I can't even ask him logistical questions that I literally need the answers to without him yelling at me that I'm "constantly on his ass." (Example: Do you have the link to register for your SATs so I can take care of that?) He has friends, gets decent grades, holds down a job, and is involved in the lift club at school. I realized he may be slipping through my fingers about 1.5 years ago, so I started randomly taking him out to dinner just the two of us here and there. We'd enjoy our time together and he'd let his guard down and start talking on those outings. But he's really busy this school year and doesn't have the time anymore. I have a daughter who is 15 and a son who is 11, and I get along with them so easily. My oldest is far and away my most challenging and I am worried that he's going to hate me forever or that I'm failing him.

ETA: I think a major reason I'm struggling is because my parents were extremely strict and authoritarian with me, and I've tried really hard to break that cycle with my kids, so I feel like I'm flying blind. I'm close with my parents and they'll try to advise me occasionally, but I don't know which advice to take and which to discard since I am raising my kids differently from how they did it.

I am about 20 years into my career and have 2 semesters left in my master's program (business leadership). Now that my kids are getting older, I'm preparing to take the next big step in my career and take on more demanding roles. Ultimately, I'd love to be a director at a small nonprofit. I think most of my career experience plays well with this goal, and I've become something of a generalist as each job I've had has presented new responsibilities. The one thing I just haven't been able to crack is getting into a role where I manage a direct report. I did have the opportunity to supervise a student employee last year, but with budget cuts our department is no longer able to support a student employee.

I guess my question is twofold:

1. How did you break into managing people? (I'm particularly interested in those who landed external roles as I suspect it's slightly easier to get into this via promotion or internal moves and it's looking like that won't be an option for me in my current job.)

2. As a manager, what concerns would you have with hiring someone new to managing? How could I demonstrate to you that I'm a strong candidate even without this experience?