u/olipocket16

I was just at Rona on Ottawa St and they have a ton of sad looking but very much still alive perennials for $1! I got berry bushes, daisies, and salvia. I’m guessing they’re only a few days from being chucked in the dumpster, so get them while you can!

First some context: I (a cis woman) was formerly married to a man before I came out as a lesbian. I have been together with my wife (a trans woman) for 5 years now. She is the love of my life and I’m absolutely smitten with her. We are very happy to have found one another and are totally perfect for one another.

Anyway, my wife has always had some struggles with her mental health, but in the past one or two years has been struggling more and more with depression. It’s not so major in that she can still work and do activities she enjoys for example, but it definitely affects her every day.

A major source of her depression is the state of the world, especially the demonization of trans people and anti-trans laws in the US and UK. We live in a very safe country, but she fears that the same kind of rhetoric will gain more traction here and she will not be safe anymore. She fears losing access to healthcare, her medication, being forced to use men’s facilities, being hate crimed, assaulted, etc. I fully and completely understand these fears as they are very much based in reality in countries that are generally comparable to ours. However, our country is still safe (as can be anyway), and nothing has actually changed in her day to day life.

She does have a therapist who is honestly very good and she always seems to manage her fears and depression much better for a little while after a session. However, therapy doesn’t change the world and not long after she feels better, she gets beaten down again by her depression.

What I’m noticing now and why I’m reaching out to see if anyone has any suggestions, is that she’s beginning to neglect her hygiene and appearance. This signals to me that her depression is getting worse, and some of the self-neglect is causing a vicious circle and reinforcing the depression.

For example, she used to wash her face and shave every day, but now she might go 4-5 days without either (or a shower). She starts getting scruffy, which causes her massive dysphoria, but seems too depressed to do anything about it. This is where the late-bloomer lesbian context comes in as well, as I also do not like when she’s scruffy. NO, I don’t think of her as less of a woman obviously, but the reality is also that when she has this amount of facial hair my brain can’t help but think about my ex-husband. The hair makes me… dysphoric!? idk what word to use… in a way as well.

She’s also starting to not change her clothes either, and will wear the same clothes all day and even to bed for several days at a time. She has told me she feels frumpy and none of her clothes make her feel good, but also they look kinda frumpy because they’re all wrinkled or she’s accidentally spilled food on them, etc. (Context: she works from home so she doesn’t have to put in work clothes every day or anything)

Anyway, I guess I’m just asking if anyone has suggestions on how to gently coax her into being more consistent with her hygiene? I have never once mentioned her scruffiness because I don’t want to point it out to her when I know how much it bothers her and triggers her dysphoria, but I also know she would feel better if she was able to shave it more consistently. I don’t want to make her feel like I think she’s ugly (she’s beautiful), or looks dumpy or frumpy, as it could just make her feel worse. But I also want to help her get back in control of herself and not be gripped so badly by the throes of her depression.

Sorry for the long post. Any ideas are welcome. Thank you.

I’m now a little over 12 weeks out from my excision and hysterectomy at the beginning of April, and I feel like an entirely new person already. I feel like I got at least a decade of my life back and there’s even more improvement to come as my body recovers from surgery and from years of being deconditioned.

Quick context: I’m 33F, had stage 4 DIE.

Here’s a few of the highlights I’ve experienced since surgery:

1. Significant reduction in pain. I can now do many different types of activities without flaring up and my only real pain has come from the surgical recovery, not an endo-type flare.

2. Reduction in fatigue. Most days my level of tiredness is now proportional to my level of activity. I can now go a whole day without a nap or crash out. Before, as much as washing the dishes was enough to destroy my energy level for an entire day.

3. Seriously improved gastro function!! I had a ton of bowel endo which caused lack of motility. I am down to half the dose of laxatives I take daily and even better… I can eat gluten again!!! No more endo belly, gas pain, bloating, nausea, nada! I have been shovelling gluten into my mouth at an alarming rate since about 6 weeks post op and loving every crumb lol

4. Reduced anxiety. I still have anxiety but it’s nowhere close to what it was like before. I feel like I’m free in my body, not a prisoner awaiting the next unexpected torture session.

5. Improved cardio function. This is a by-product, not direct result of the surgery I am sure since I am now able to do more physically, but my Fitbit notified me of a significant reduction in cardio load and BPM now versus pre surgery for the same activities. Basically, my heart doesn’t have to work nearly as hard to do stuff anymore.

6. Improved blood pressure. Likely goes along with cardio function but because of how bad this alone used to affect me, I’m giving it its own section. I used to regularly pass out with standing up, have to wear compression socks, and drink electrolytes or even sometimes just eat pure salt to remain conscious. Now, that’s seems pretty much miraculously fixed for the most part.

7. Improved overall mental health. Besides what I already mentioned about anxiety, I feel like there’s hope in my life again and that the future means something now. I’m taking chances that come my way and saying yes more and more. Life feels like sunshine is coming through the window instead of trying to keep my head above water.

This surgery was the best thing that has happened to me in so long and I genuinely feel like I have been given a new chance of life. My brain and body have been going steadily downhill for so long, I didn’t realise how bad things had truly gotten until recently. To feel this good even 3 months out is nothing short of an actual miracle.

To anyone reading this who is hesitant about surgery - it can absolutely change your life. It changed mine already more than I could have expected, and there’s still plenty of progress to be made. Find a trustworthy and skilled excision specialist and it could change your world. It did for me.

I have seen so many sad stories on here from people who have gone to doctors claiming to be endo specialists and had terrible experiences. I just finished up care with a real endo specialist and had a truly amazing journey with her. I wanted to share what I found she did right compared to other doctors I have seen (or heard about from friends). The comparison is night and day.

1. Listened to hear me, not just respond to me. When I spoke she looked at me, gave me time to arrange my thoughts into words, and waited to make sure I was done speaking before she replied. She let me describe my emotions, not just my physical symptoms, and considered both in her response.

2. Accepted my choice to not have children without contesting it. I requested a hysterectomy and at 33 I wasn’t sure they’d give it to me, however, she simply explained the risks (of surgery itself and the slight increased chance of dementia). No “are you sure you don’t want kids?” or “you’re too young and you might change your mind” or “what does your partner think” or anything. She simply told me the risks involved as any good doctor should, and accepted my consent.

3. Involved interdisciplinary care. Since the surgery wait list was long (over a year), she wanted to use that time to get me as prepared as possible for a successful surgery. She referred me to a physio clinic who specializes in pelvic floor therapy for endo patients. She also recommended psychotherapy as endo tends to have serious psychological impacts (from being gaslit, from chronic pain, even from fearing your own body). Both of these other practitioners helped significantly.

4. Prepared herself for surgery by ordering imaging. I had an MRI first, and when she saw something that wasn’t fully captured by it, she ordered an endo mapping ultrasound which gave her the information she needed to properly plan my surgery. She explained she wanted my surgery to be complete, meaning no surprises once she got in there so that she could do one full surgery instead of having to pull out and do a follow up surgery to address anything she hadn’t been prepared for.

5. Validated me. My follow up was so validating I cried. I already knew I had Stage 4 from a surgery five years ago, but the way she explained everything and went over my results in detail helped me really understand why I have struggled so much and that I have not been exaggerating or am just dramatic. This is a truly life altering disease and we are taught to downplay our symptoms so much.

6. Carefully considered recurrence. We had a long discussion about the measures she took during surgery to help prevent recurrence as well as my own personal likelihood of recurrence based on factors like medication. She gave me options for continuing or stopping meds, how they would affect my chances of recurrence, and took time to answer all of my questions. She also detailed what recurrence might look like should that happen and gave me a brief rundown of what a future care plan would look like if it did return.

This doctor truly lives and breathes endo care and I have never felt as truly cared for by a medical professional in my life. Helping people with endo is clearly her passion and she truly wants the best outcomes for all of her patients, no matter who they are. A real endo specialist has the training, expertise, and surgical skills to completely excise endo AND considers what their patients need beyond surgery to make their care a success. We are human beings, not just bodies on their table. Make sure your doctor sees you and treats you as a real, individual person. It makes so much difference.

Exactly what the title says. Does HS204/206 just go more in depth into how things work? Like the nitty gritty? HS101 covered a lot so just wondering if there’s a benefit to also taking HS204/206 as electives or if it would be fairly repetitive

Hi! I had my total hyster and endo excision on April 9 (18dpo today), and so far everything is going really well. Still pretty limited on activity and taking things super nice and slow since I am a (mature) uni student and am now off for the entire summer until September.

My partner and I are thinking that since my recovery is going super well, that hopefully I will be able to do a trip in August. We’re thinking a week or so trip to the Maritimes (from Ontario), province undecided but PEI has always been on my bucket list. With flight costs and cancellations, driving is probably most realistic.

Is this trip realistic 4 months post op? Is there a good chance that I’d be able to do enough walking and such by then to make it a fun trip? Is there likely to be any irritation from the seatbelt for long periods of time by then? Any insight appreciated!