u/omenoflord

I will post an update once I figure the situation out for those who want to follow along. I'll use fake names and perhaps if the advice is something she could use I may show her this thread (discreetly and safely.

My 20*something*F best friend Sarah[fake name] of over 10 years has a habit of dating men with emotional trauma and that end up in pretty rough situations, for the past 10 years we had been friends I've been by her side and seen it all from her first boyfriend who committed suicide in high school to her first boyfriend she had a child with who was addicted to alcohol and meth, but hid his addictions from her (she got pregnant on accident but chose to keep it). To her next boyfriend of several years who she had another child with, but he wanted an open relationship and constantly cheated and made her feel horrible about herself so she finally left.

In the past she's been addicted to self harming, I won't go into too much detail here, but as of the last few years it mostly boils over into alcoholism.

She met David(fake name) at work. This was during a time she had recently left her baby's father. She has a bad habit of not taking much time to move relationships, and though I always tell her to wait she found David and ended up falling in love, the months of them dating were going fine and I was happy for her. She told me a few months *under 6* in that she wanted to get married and that it was her idea and he had proposed, told her parents and were planning a wedding (to which I wasn't invited initially until she told me this).

David did not want me to come so I didn't, we stopped talking almost completely(David didn't like me) and they got married, everything seemed well and fast forward to 4 months ago (a few months after marriage) she told me that she couldn't be friends with me because David had asked her to delete me on Facebook etc. and to stop talking to me. So I was pretty upset and told her I thought it was insane behavior but if she was happy I wasn't going to get in the way, I warned her it seemed like it could go sideways because estranging or forcing people out of friendships is a sign of abusive behavior, but she insisted and said sorry and we stopped being friends.

It's been a few months and I haven't reached out to her out of respect for their marriage. Well a few weeks ago she called me drunk and I checked if she was alright, sometimes she drinks occasionally when partying and she said she missed me, that everything was okay, and I told her that I didn't feel comfortable speaking since David would be angry and that she was drunk and there is no consent and that I wanted her to remember and willingly, sober, call me.

Well the past few days she's called in the middle of the night at 2-4 am a few times and I've been sleeping unable to answer (I used to always keep my ringer on when we were friends, but I haven't been sleeping with my phone anymore). Well she called me (completely sober) last night at 5:30pm and we spoke for about 10 minutes, she told me that she missed me and her kids spoke with me and told me they miss me and then she talked to me in private and told me things haven't been going well, she's been drinking and David has been using suicide, saying things like "you don't love me" and "I hate you". When she told him I was on the phone with her he said he was committing suicide, he turned off his location and said he was going to drive into a pole. Her first ex died by suicide by driving into a tree with a friend in his passenger seat. It took years for her to heal, and it still affects her. She kept reading a few texts as they came in. They went something like "I can't believe you're doing this to me", "I can't believe you lied to me", "I'm going to kill myself", "I'm turning my location off and killing myself", "Fuck you, you stupid bitch", "I'm going to commit suicide by driving my car into a pole". She also told me he had, during their relationship, jumped out of a moving car.

She went mostly silent, I think she was probably texting him back. I asked her about it and tried to be really gentle as the situation seemed really shitty. She said it happens often, she texts his mom and his mom usually picks him up. I had asked if it happened in the beginning, it didn't (only after they got married). I'm worried that something might happen to the children, her, or he follows through with the suicide. Regardless the situation seems really terrible. I will add that she got pregnant a month into the marriage and had miscarried a few months in. It almost feels like this all planned out like every creepy murder documentary always is...

The only time I've ever done anything in any romantic sense with Sarah was when we were eighteen(9 years ago), she had a bad night with her first boyfriend and he had gotten drunk and scared the shit out of her and I picked her up, she spent the night at my house and we cuddled, since then we've never done anything sexual, never dated, we have been best friends for over 10 years. I think any reasonable partner wouldn't have a problem with this, if they were emotionally mature and trusted their partner.

I'm terrified honestly, and I don't know what to do, her parents are usually supportive of her but he's gotten very close to her parents and they like him a lot. They haven't been to therapy or counseling, all I know is she's been drinking almost every night for at least a few weeks and she called me today and it feels like a cry for help but I have no idea what to do. I asked if he had exes and told her that it might be best to reach out to them to see if the behavior was at all similar.

I will do whatever I need to, but I do not want to wake up to the news that something happened to her or the kids. I don't even know him, I met him one single time when they first started dating and never have seen her since. I haven't been able to sleep and I'm unsure of what to do, has anyone at all been in a situation similar to this? Is this a call for help? Should I do anything, if so, what?

Sorry if this is long, I wanted to get a good amount of the situation out and make sure to not expose any identifying details. I'm praying someone sees this, literally any advice is appreciated because this person is literally the best friend I've ever had all my life and I'm so scared and worried.

I'm considering just acknowledging everything, telling her I'm glad she decided to reach out, tell her the concerns with the drinking, the suicide threats, being afraid to speak to me because he'll be upset, and the ultimatum he gave her (he said it was either friendship with me again or a divorce), acknowledging it's overwhelming and focusing on what healthy behavior looks like, and tell her she has the right to make her own choices and that she can reach out and I'll reply as soon as I'm free if things ever get worse. As well as mentioning the well being of the children.