u/onthebackburna

WARNING LONG POST

For context- I just started two weeks ago so I’ve only been twice.
When I first met her she told me that she had a previous cleaner that had to quit for health reasons and that it had been approximately 6 weeks since they had anyone cleaning their house. She is giving me about a 3 hour max time limit but it has taken me 3.5-4 both times because of all of the requests

She instructed me on the first day to deep clean her guest room for a relative that is staying with her, she told me that the guest can NOT have any dust or it will irritate their condition…. But the room was insanely covered in dust. It took me about 1-1.5 hours to deep clean top to bottom everything in the room like I was told. After that she told me she was happy with how it was but acted like I took too long to get it done without actually saying that.
She then asked me to do four other rooms (one being a bathroom) in the remaining 1.5 hr time frame….. but wanted them all dusted, windows cleaned, vacuumed/swept and tidied. She also asked me to scrub the windows, blinds, and window sills because she said they needed it…. And scrub the tub and shower.
Well I ended up not getting to everything because it was 10PM by the time I finished doing 3 rooms (everything she requested in each one).

The second day she told me to clean the living room, kitchen, dining room, and if I had time - her room. The previous time she told me she wanted all of the windows cleaned completely because they were “gross” (her words). So I dusted the three rooms, wiped baseboards because they were filthy, had to scrub each individual blind (on 2 windows) because there was grimey dust caked on each one very thick… there was no way to quickly dust them, and had to scrub multiple sticky mystery dirt spots off of every shelf and table (pet friendly home so normal lol) . Swept as I moved from room to room and again once more when I was completely done, I cleaned the grime off of the oven and fridge, dusted/wiped the kitchen cabinets. At the 3.5hr mark (as I was finishing up the surfaces she told me to clean, and getting ready to mop) She asked “well have you pulled all of the appliances out and cleaned the counters and the backsplash? And have you cleaned inside of the fridge yet?” It felt like the more I did, the more she added on. Mind you I was doing all of the things she had mentioned and asked of me and running out of time. Then she goes “yeah I’m not the OCD type of clean, just tidy” ….. ok.

Then as I finish the counters she says “I’m going to stop you and have you start mopping now” so I apologized and got the mop and mopped the 3 &1/2 rooms and cleaned the mop and bucket. At the end I apologized for taking so long to do everything, which looking back now I actually was rushed through each room.

I texted her today and let her know I could come by and tidy up anything I didn’t get to for free since I ran out of time yesterday. She replied that she got up early this morning and dusted (all of the things I had already dusted that I promise you were NOT dirty or dusty) and told me a list of things she did that she didn’t ask me to do for her. She also told me she polished the table and chairs and the cabinet by the table, which I had also already done….. and dusted a chandelier that I scrubbed thick sticky dust off of 😭…..?

I feel irritated and maybe even a little offended because I know that I went above and beyond and left nothing dirty for her to have to re-clean. I’m very thorough and wouldn’t half-ass something when somebody is paying me to help them. I just didn’t acknowledge that she said that when I replied because I didn’t even know how to respond to that.

Am i the issue in the situation or am I just overthinking everything? I just feel like she has very high expectations but I don’t have enough time to get it all done. Especially when I think she isn’t being honest about how long it has been since she’s had someone cleaning her home. (Totally not an issue- I don’t judge, it’s not my place. But it just seems dirtier than a house would be if someone was cleaning it 6 weeks ago on a weekly basis) (I would know I have two kids and 5 animals 😂)

Warning- long post

Little context- I have two kids, first is 2yr and the other is 6m. I have previously been on antidepressants before I met my current partner. Also I live 7 hrs away from my friends and family and the couple of friends (2) I’ve met here never hang out or are just busy with their own kids and life. So I’m on my own 90% of the time. Partner works m-f usually and then has hobbies on the weekend. So the only day I have someone with me (other than the babies) is Sunday almost every week. I also am not working so I don’t have money to go and do anything for myself, so I never get time for a break. The only break I get is cleaning…

LOL

Anyway- after the birth of my first, I struggled a lot but my partner has a firm stance on meds (thanks to the opinions of his mother :)) for these things and, in part, I let that influence my decision. Also I have medical anxiety and I worried so badly about how any sort of medication may affect her because she was being breastfed. So I refused the help and raw dogged life just ignoring my problems. (But I had a job so we could get out of the house a bit too)

But this time around I am struggling much more for probably obvious reasons. No support system of my own, no breaks, and two little bodies demanding things from me from the moment my eyes open to the moment they close. I also keep up with the house (cleaning, laundry, dishes, animals, blah blah blah). So I’m always just sooo worn thin and I finally feel like I’m ready to try some medication to help me not be so snappy and maybe alleviate some symptoms I have going on.

So I reaaaaaally cranked out the math to show him (and myself) how LITTLE of the medication actually would pass through the breastmilk and it ended up being less than a grain of sand in his body TOTAL.

I tried to explain this to my partner because it made me feel SO much better seeing it this way….

and he responded with “I’m sure overtime it would build up in his system.” And that “the medication would just be a bandaid” and to get therapy for what I’ve been through instead of “further damaging myself” with a pill.

I feel so crazy I want to cry. I just want support instead of shame, I told him it’s unfair that he is going to play on my anxiety by saying it would build up in his body. And now I honestly am worried about that. I don’t want to be the cause for anything wrong with him further down the road, but I also don’t want to cause problems for my kid’s with my anger and depressive episodes.

I guess I just needed to vent but I also don’t know how else to approach him about this. I told him it’s unfair and that he’s acting like I’m poisoning the baby by treating my mental health and that I don’t feel supported I just feel shamed. & he now he’s saying “just take the medication.” But after this I feel that I’ve kind of lost respect for him. Is it manipulation? Or maybe just too much influence from his mom’s opinion ? Idk. Usually he has good intentions and it sometimes comes out wrong, but this hurts my feelings. I get that he wants me to go back to therapy, but am I wrong for wanting to try the medication?

It’s possible that I’m overthinking it and taking it the wrong way but I can’t tell anymore. Just thought maybe grabbing the opinion of someone outside of the relationship would be helpful for me

Sorry you had to read all of this but thank you if you did 🤍 don’t be afraid to tell me if I’m just crazy lol!

Title says it all

Idk what to do. I haven’t had a dairy slip up in probably a month, and even when I did (it was a few bites I didn’t notice) he didn’t have a reaction like this.

I’ve thought back on everything that I have eaten and all of it has been dairy free.

The only possibility was my a meal we had at my in-laws but she swears she didn’t use butter for the meal so I’m truly at a loss. It’s been consistent for 3 days and started the day after we went to their house. But again- she says she purposely DID NOT use butter and since we already asked her once, I don’t want to be rude or accusing and ask again 😭

He hasn’t ever reacted with soy- but is it possible that he may just be starting to?

Idk I’m just confused and it’s already been tough because my supply has tanked the past like 2.5 weeks and I already feel like a failure and now it’s harder because I can’t figure out what I did wrong to cause him these issues.

Advice welcome and sorry for complaining - I guess I’m just hoping someone has a miracle answer