u/onthetopicofspace

[Hopefully this is allowed lol]

Basically, there are so many tiny things and I’m having trouble coalescing it into a single identity (and I don’t really wanna be unlabelled because that’s really hard to explain and I want to know what’s going on). To list a few of these things:

- I am AMAB and am neutral to he/him pronouns. They’re fine and I’m used to them since I haven’t talked to anybody except one close friend about gender stuff [and she really wants me to be a trans woman so it hasn’t been very helpful]

- I don’t like being referred to as a man, it makes me uncomfortable. I’m indifferent to terms like ‘boy/son’ because that’s was my whole childhood.

- I don’t like having male genitals but also don’t want female genitals but also don’t want no genitals because I still want to experience sex. I’m fine with having male genitals in sexual contexts but literally any other time it sucks.

- I don’t a lot of my masculine traits and don’t want most of the ones I don’t have. I don’t like having body hair, long eyelashes, etc. and don’t want to have muscles, be particularly tall, have a deep voice, etc.

- I absolutely despise my given name (though there more reasons than just than the gender expression typically associated with it)

- I also don’t like any trait that’s too feminine though (particularly my thighs and how they kinda look bigger when you’re sitting down because they get squished, if you know what I mean) but this might just be from trauma that I won’t get into

- I literally broke down in tears when somebody used they/them pronouns for me but have trouble referring to myself with they/them consistently

- I prefer to dress androgynous (though leaning male because I’m socially akward and don’t want to draw too much attention). I really enjoy dressing slightly more femme than I’d be willing to show anybody though (having one shoulder out makes me particularly euphoric because I think it really suits me but also it helps with some sensory issues)

- The chosen name that I’m currently leaning towards is Trev (Trevor) bc I think it really suits me but I don’t enjoy how gendered it is (as in I think it will impact other people’s perceptions of me, I personally would love the name Trev if all names were gender neutral)

- I don’t really have a clear image of what ‘me’ should look like in my head. I’ve always just felt a vague uncomfortability in having a body. I’m relatively happy with my face/hairstyle but everything below my chest makes me uncomfortable.

- I’m fine with having a flat chest, though I haven’t really experimented with it. I don’t really want to because everything I’ve heard from boob-havers sounds like a nightmare (sensory stuff especially) and I don’t want to try it and like it lol.

Any advice? I really love the concepter of They/he with the name Trevor but its really hard to tell if I like it because its me or just sounds like a person I’d like to be friends with. Its hard to test pronouns for me because I can never tell why my brain feels happy/sad about something :/

Hey! I’ve hated my birth name and my relationship with my gender has been weird for a bit so I’m trying this out. A few questions though:

1. Is it weird that I’m changing from a masculine name (I’m AMAB) to another masculine name but using gender neutral pronouns? Is that confusing? I really love the name but I feel like a larper
2. Also I’m okay enough with he/him pronouns, I just find myself referring to myself with they/them and I feel really good when I do they/them in pronoun dressing room sites. It might just be novelty though?? Idk. As said earlier I feel ilke a larper
3. Is there anything wrong with the name Trevor? Any implications or horrible people you know of? Would that name turn you away?

If you couldn’t tell, I’m very autistic and struggle with identifying my emotions/opinions…