u/owensauvageot

Hi everyone, for some context I am a 25y/o male and I believe I have chronic anxiety. I grew up as the oldest child of two with a functionally alcoholic parent (only drank at night) who was emotionally abusive. Growing up was constant verbal abuse about things not being good enough, academically, with general life things, etc. There would be frequent episodes of yelling directly at us over literally nothing that often ended in tears and trying to sleep off what had just happened. The other thing is that I became extremely avoidant of my alcoholic parent, and if I had any news for them the sober parent would often tell them on my behalf so we didn't have to be yelled at. I also was a chronic pot smoker from 17-19.

Once I left for college I was really able to see the impact of growing up in this setting. The first few years of college I worked through the biggest thing giving me anxiety and insecurity at the time, women and dating. I started talking to more girls (not a lot by any means lol) and had a few kisses before I met my current wonderful girlfriend in 2022. This was the main goal of the first time I did talk therapy, which I did for a few months in 2020 (Like feb-july). Initially talk therapy did wonders but as I got older and faced more complex emotional situations I realized how bad and persistent the negative self talk really was and it became difficult to try and do mindfulness and breathing exercises through the negative thoughts. This often came in the form of communicating with professors or other faculty, and my cope would be avoidance in responding to their messages or emails, and if I didn't respond to their email I might try and avoid them on campus. I think it is important to say that I was a chronic pot smoker from 22-24.

While this wasn't the healthiest thing, it wasn't totally detrimental until January 2025. Before this I was working super hard and I was one of the top students in our design program. I used the negative self thinking as a tool to become better, often telling myself I needed to be the best to be successful. When Jan 2025 came around I had just returned to school for my final semester of undergrad after just experiencing quite a dramatic family event which was caused by the alcoholic parent. I was placed in a class section with a professor who was super chill and wasn't doing a project I was necessarily interested in. I told myself I would work from home this semester, and initially I was ok, doing work and still coming to class, but after mid-term i didn't show up to class at all until our final. Any time I tried to come to school after missing some time my body would go into shock, my arms and chest would feel super tight, i'd get super nervous, and my thoughts would race like crazy.

I say all this in the 3rd paragraph as I had never had anxiety that bad, where I actively avoided work/school. Fast forward to august 2025 and I was starting a one year masters at an Ivy for the design discipline I am in. My anxiety is constantly through the roof and I've had a few instances where I miss a weekend of doing work and I stop communicating with my studio partner(s). I was able to get those under control for the most part within a day or two, but this most recent episode has been the worst. My brother came to visit from July 9 - July 12th 2026 and we smoke and drank a bit. On Monday July 13th I skipped class because I didn't do any work and missed a review of our work, which followed with a ton of messages from my peers and studio partner. Instead of biting the bullet and responding to those I let it spiral totally out of control. As of today I still haven't gone to class, but I am at least reaching out to my professor to let her know about my anxiety, that I am actively in therapy, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to finish the semester and the program. I am just curious if anyone else has anxiety episodes so bad they have skipped school/ work, and what medication has done for anyone who is taking it? For so long I felt like I didn't need anything or want anything, but now I realize that I am existing in like a constant state of anxiety and when something triggers an attack it becomes debilitating.

thanks for taking the time to read this and sorry if its a bit long.

Hi everyone, for some context I am a 25y/o male and I believe I have chronic anxiety. I grew up as the oldest child of two with a functionally alcoholic parent (only drank at night) who was emotionally abusive. Growing up was constant verbal abuse about things not being good enough, academically, with general life things, etc. There would be frequent episodes of yelling directly at us over literally nothing that often ended in tears and trying to sleep off what had just happened. The other thing is that I became extremely avoidant of my alcoholic parent, and if I had any news for them the sober parent would often tell them on my behalf so we didn't have to be yelled at. I also was a chronic pot smoker from 17-19.

Once I left for college I was really able to see the impact of growing up in this setting. The first few years of college I worked through the biggest thing giving me anxiety and insecurity at the time, women and dating. I started talking to more girls (not a lot by any means lol) and had a few kisses before I met my current wonderful girlfriend in 2022. This was the main goal of the first time I did talk therapy, which I did for a few months in 2020 (Like feb-july). Initially talk therapy did wonders but as I got older and faced more complex emotional situations I realized how bad and persistent the negative self talk really was and it became difficult to try and do mindfulness and breathing exercises through the negative thoughts. This often came in the form of communicating with professors or other faculty, and my cope would be avoidance in responding to their messages or emails, and if I didn't respond to their email I might try and avoid them on campus. I think it is important to say that I was a chronic pot smoker from 22-24.

While this wasn't the healthiest thing, it wasn't totally detrimental until January 2025. Before this I was working super hard and I was one of the top students in our design program. I used the negative self thinking as a tool to become better, often telling myself I needed to be the best to be successful. When Jan 2025 came around I had just returned to school for my final semester of undergrad after just experiencing quite a dramatic family event which was caused by the alcoholic parent. I was placed in a class section with a professor who was super chill and wasn't doing a project I was necessarily interested in. I told myself I would work from home this semester, and initially I was ok, doing work and still coming to class, but after mid-term i didn't show up to class at all until our final. Any time I tried to come to school after missing some time my body would go into shock, my arms and chest would feel super tight, i'd get super nervous, and my thoughts would race like crazy.

I say all this in the 3rd paragraph as I had never had anxiety that bad, where I actively avoided work/school. Fast forward to august 2025 and I was starting a one year masters at an Ivy for the design discipline I am in. My anxiety is constantly through the roof and I've had a few instances where I miss a weekend of doing work and I stop communicating with my studio partner(s). I was able to get those under control for the most part within a day or two, but this most recent episode has been the worst. My brother came to visit from July 9 - July 12th 2026 and we smoke and drank a bit. On Monday July 13th I skipped class because I didn't do any work and missed a review of our work, which followed with a ton of messages from my peers and studio partner. Instead of biting the bullet and responding to those I let it spiral totally out of control. As of today I still haven't gone to class, but I am at least reaching out to my professor to let her know about my anxiety, that I am actively in therapy, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to finish the semester and the program. I am just curious if anyone else has anxiety episodes so bad they have skipped school/ work, and what medication has done for anyone who is taking it? For so long I felt like I didn't need anything or want anything, but now I realize that I am existing in like a constant state of anxiety and when something triggers an attack it becomes debilitating.

thanks for taking the time to read this and sorry if its a bit long.