u/ownworstfrenemy

my partner gifted me with a long weekend in ocean shores from sun - weds. i think i have visited before but it was years ago and i am sober now.

this is our first vacation (-adjacent) time together and it is very much needed for both of us. the airbnb was an investment itself — so i would hate to leave feeling like we should have done more.

money is pretty tight and it looks bougie. we don’t need much to keep busy, but i don’t have a lot of time to research the best way to spend our time.

***interests include eating oysters, painting pottery, oddities/curiosity shops (the kind with taxidermy rats and jewelry made with bones), thrift malls, photo booths, beachcombing***

what do you recommend? we are missing the corgi beach party by ONE DAY.

p.s. is there a reference site or app somewhere to follow the tide schedule?

i was invited to be on a very prestigious team of professionals as a city employee. i wasn’t able to make it to the initial interview because i have an autoimmune disorder and sometimes that’s how it shakes out. i was told there wouldn’t be a second opportunity, but a week later i was invited again. with that in mind, i talked myself out of believing i deserved it — a little too well.

i never felt i deserved it. i started noticeably seeking out validation that it wasn’t sustainable. and, as if manifested by the universe, funding was cut. i told myself that i’d take the weekend to sit in my
feelings and start over on monday. i didn’t.

12 days in and i was now becoming just as anxious over the things i had ignored as i was when i chose to ignore them in the first place. but a 90m therapy session and an audience later (my friend slept over) and somehow productivity was moving through me.

i filed for unemployment, i applied for ebt, i updated my resume, i applied for 23 jobs, i researched an alternative professional route which would require reworking my degree with different credits, i applied to become a student (again) and sent in my transcripts, i applied for financial aid, i filed my 2023 taxes after anxiously looking through my irs documents to then realize i was able to receive a return, i scheduled for all of my dentist appointments to be done before my insurance lapsed, i checked the mail (side quest) and opened a letter from our most recent property management — it was an attempt to retain my security deposit and bill 3k more on top of that — so i contacted them back and cited the laws they broke (and punctuated the end using my lawyer’s office number). i authored some scary emails to my licensing department and to my prior-employer’s hr department and to community supports that i usually only become connected to in midst of crisis.

no crisis here! 🥳

but anyway, so now i still feel anxious. cli5!

and what does that look like?

i am gassed out.