u/p1nki3gl0w

i look at the counter

the blade looks back at me

i think about you

and what you said to me

but its calling me

to give it one more chance

it says to me

Just one more line

Just one more time..

but I know I promised that I’ll stop

and i love you till my heart drops

but the blade is here to stay

you cant make me put it away

its just its just its just its just

one more time

just one more line

and then im clean

wont go to deep

i can stop when i please

just dont feel the need

but the warm down my leg

the thoughts gone

from my head

keeps me going

oh nothing

can replace this feeling

the urge is unbearable

i cant let go

but its fine Tomorrow, I’ll be fine

so its just its just its just its just

one more time

just one more line

and then im clean

wont go to deep

i can stop when i please

Just don’t feel the need

why cant you see im pleading for help

i hope you dont think

these cuts mean nothing at all

i want to get better i really do

but this blade has been through more with me then you

my heart yearns for you

but it yearns for the burn even more

im sorry i had to do this to you

i love you

its been three years since we met

dont you remember?

i was a dying deflowerd daisy who was so alone and afraid and oh so desperate for a friend

then you came around…

a beautiful elegant rose who had every beautiful flower wrapped around her stem

and you promised me as long as i followed your rules you would take care of me and be my bestest friend

I agreed

even though everyflower told me how much your thorns could hurt

i didnt care

but sometimes i thought your rules were a little biserk

like when u asked me to stop getting sunlight and drinking water

because the light would burn my beauty

and the water would make curves more noticeable than ever

but you reassured me and i trusted you

“this is what every beautiful flower does dont you want to be as beautiful and elegant as me?”

i couldnt argue with her on that so i listened

i stopped drinking water i stopped getting sunlight i even stopped eating fertilizer

all for you and it made you proud

and that made me feel a rush ive never felt before and i loved it

but the day i broke your rules was the day i found out how much your thorns could hurt you tore me apart with your jaggered ends and left me to bleed

but i still loved you and you loved me

Though the pain hurts

the pain gives me relief

The scars help me cope

but I can’t seem to get out of this hole

i’ve dug down too deep

I’ve reached the finish line

.There’s no fixing me.

I can’t deny.

There’s like a rope

tied tight around my neck,

pulling me back to where I started

once again

my feet are dragging on the floor

my oxygen is getting low

my fingers getting cold

please get me out this hole

but i’ve dug down too deep

I’ve reached the finish line.

There’s no fixing me.

I can’t deny.

There’s like a rope

tied tight around my neck

pulling me back to where I started

once again

the blade is my only friend

it conversates with my skin

speak to it slow

tell it all the things its never heard before

tell im beautiful with all my scars

tell me im not all alone

but my heart is getting slow

i’ve dug down too deep

I’ve reached the finish line.

There’s no fixing me.

I can’t deny.

There’s like a rope

tied tight around my neck

pulling me back to where I started

once again

can somebody untie my knoose

let me be free

cut me down

let me breath

so i can live peacefully

please?..

basically how this starts is that me and my boyfriend recently started getting sexually active and he promised me he wouldn’t tell anybody because of the fact I do have sexual trauma and this would be the first time I’ve done something with somebody that was consensually so he agreed and that was that

in times where it was brought up, he promised me that he hasn’t told nobody and that he would never without telling me and I trusted him

Now onto the problem After we started getting active I felt like his relationship with his best friend was making me a little bit uncomfortable because he was more emotionally connected to her than he was with me she was always the person he would go to first about a problem, and then it was me second and I calmly told him that it made me uncomfortable and he told me he set boundaries, which was cool and I really appreciated it

then I found out he told her we had sex from a close friend of ours and he lied to me saying that he didn’t for weeks prior to me finding out and what really made me upset was that he asked her if he should tell me that he told her and she told him that he doesn’t have to tell me everything and that would be weird which rubbed me the wrong way because why are you giving my boyfriend advice to lie to me when lying is a really big trigger of mine

So after I found out, I told him I’m not comfortable with him being friends with her anymore because I’m not comfortable with having somebody around who feels like they can tell him horrible advice for our relationship that is only gonna bring us down and it just felt disrespectful to me aswell

so I ended up giving him someone of an ultimatum because he said that he didn’t know what to do which I can say was an impulsive decision and I do take accountability for being immature in that choice

But now it is causing problems with the friend that told me and him

was I overreacting should I have just left it alone

dear dad

i can tell your using again

your peeling your skin down to the bone

you body goes weak you can’t control the way you speak

you’re folding in half im waiting on your collapse

you say you love me but can’t put down the bag

You say that you were there but i think twice to call you my dad

Oh dear Dad you promised me that you’ll get some help

so many times that i can’t count

You chose the high instead of me your “baby girl indefinitely”

you say you love me but can’t put down the bag

You say that you were there but i think twice to call you my dad

oh dear dad

your little girl has lost all her hope

she knows you cant change

so she’ll distance herself

While every hit you take makes you decay

but deep down she prays that one day you’ll say you’ll stop just for her and come back changed ready to love her like you never strayed

but she knows that you’re not gonna

your just not that strong

so she’ll wait till that day

u fade away