u/pablojueves

Hello all,

It has come to my attention that a certain ex-member of the community has been willfully decieving members of this community about their whereabouts as well as falsifying magickal powers. Lying about practicing witchcraft is actually worse (according to God) than practicing witchcraft itself. There is no commandment against practicing witchcraft. There is a commandment against being a liar.

And so, in accordance to the sub rules which have been mutually agreed upon, this member (who's username will be omitted from this post) has been banned and will not be returning unless we recieve a handwritten apology by noon tomorrow.

Anyone caught fraternizing with this member will be subject to excommunication.

Now, back to the Dots!

-Pastor Kyle

Paul the Schmoop will be hosting me, Pastor Kyle, for a tell-all interview on his hit podcast Dotcast. Nothing is off the table as we sit down for a three-hour discussion on God, witchcraft, and all things Dootle Dots.

Air date is TBA.

In Christian fellowship,

Pastor Kyle

Hey all!

As r/DoodleDots youth minister, I was thrilled to hear Grok Amato recite the Ten Commandments. I'd be breaking one of them if I said I enjoyed all the car accodents, but if animations like this can bring people to understanding Exodus and Deuteronomy then they are a good thing.

Please reach out if you have any questions or interesting statements regarding the Ten Commandments in the comment section below.

-Pastor Kyle

The following users are known practicioners of witchcraft:

U/SnarkyLeigh

U/HummelFigurineLover5

If anyone else is known to be practicing witchcraft OR sorcery, please out them in the comments below.

-Pastor Kevin

Hey everyone,

Pastor Kevin (a.k.a. PK) here. As many of you have heard, this community suffered a terrible loss over the weekend and also learned of the previously unexplained death of Pablo Jueves. Many of you might be struggling to come to terms with the new reality we all face. To me, it seems like just moments ago u/InevitableBohemian was struggling to stay alive do to the willful neglect of his mother. She dreamed of him becoming a lifeless figurine to add to her creepy collection of Hummels, and in some ways this is what she got.

Now I never knew Pablo Jueves myself as our timelines in this sub never quite overlapped, but from what I gather he was a very loved and respected member of this community. Many have even called him the founder. But regardless of who started what, or who owes how many HEI points to who, Pablo was a hero to all. He sacrificed his life for this community, not unlike Christ. Karate Hill would prove to be Pablo's calvary, where he would be crucified by the evil, torturous mother of Bohemian.

Many of you are probably asking yourselves, "Where do we go from here?" Well my brothers and sisters, there is only one place we can go in times like these. And that is further up the HEI points leaderboard. As the Lord has willed us to surpass not only April Arthur and Phil Braun, but G. Amato himself, so too the Lord willeth we surpass Gregg Turkington and yes, Newman Heidecker. Now is not the time to sit and wait. Now is the time to sign up for many additional HEI Network accounts so that we can accrew even more points.

In Jesus' Name we pray

-PK

sorry jake i left you several voice memos but not sure whats the best way to get hold of you. this whole thing feels like one giant set-up, it plum makes no sense at all. i admit i had more sugary drinks last night than i've had in yrs, but i would have remembered something like a full grown man being under that mat. he definitely ain't moving or breathing and its been hours since i contacted the mother and she still hasn't done diddlysquat to help the situation. i know better than to disturb a scene like this, but poor jenny don't and of course she's done tidying up the whole basement trying to get that stink out.

ypu gotta believe me i ain't had nothing to do with this, jake. being youth pastor means the world to me and i'd never do nothing to hurt one of those kids.

In Christ's Name I pray,

-pk

Well guys, Pastor Kevin here, but a lot of you already know me as PK. I'm the youth pastor here at Dootle Dots.

I don't really know how to say this without crying, but when Jenny and I returned from Youth Service this morning we noticed a very foul smell coming from the basement. The Twister tournament had gone so late last night, and Jenny had been working so hard in the kitchen with the cooking and cleaning, I had plum forgot to put away the Twister mat. Well, it looks like at some point last night u/InevitableBohemian did make it to game night and in his emaciated state, somehow got stuck under the Twister mat. Maybe it was all the Sierra Mists riling us up, but we must of kept playing and playing with him under there. Anyway, when we got back from church the poor little scamp was still under there, all bruised and broken, and he definitely ain't moving. Lord forgive me for what I have done oh please Lord tell me this isn't happening.

If Ms. Hummellover could please come by to help us clean it up and to take what's left of him, Jenny and I would certainly appreciate that. I'm a good man, I just wanted to spread some joy into these kids lives. I am so sorry. We didn't think he was coming over.

Everything I love turns to shit. I feel like a total Baxter.

- Pastor Kevin

Hey all!

Wow what a wonderful Game Night! I'd like to extend a warm "Thank you" to my beautiful wife Jenny for all the food prep, clean up, and wonderful Christian country music that made the night such a huge success. Secondly, I'd like to thank all of you who participated in the games, who shared tacos, hot dogs and ice cream, Christian insight about the real dangers of idolatry, and who joined in with our impromptu worship band! You guys souned terrific, and all deserve a round of applause! Thank you also to all the parents who trusted Jenny and I with your kids for the evening. We understand how precious they are to you, and we are very grateful that you have decided to allow them to learn about Christ's teachings.

Now to announce the winners!

• 5th Place: Jesse W.

Prize: 12" vinyl album of Free At Last by DC Talk (autographed)

• 4th Place: Jenny T.

Prize: Hardcover copy of Just As I Am by Billy Graham (autographed)

• 3rd Place: Maestetro

Prize: 1978 Ovation Magnum V2 Bass Guitar

• 2nd Place: PK

Prize: Eternal Grace

• 1st Place: Robyn W.

Prize: A one week trip for the whole family to Ark Encounter in Williamstown, Kentucky- complete with hotel accomodations, food vouchers and transportation!

This was literally the most fun game night I've ever been a part. You all are a great, supportive group of kids and I am so blessed to be your youth pastor.

Youth service will begin tomorrow at 7:30 AM. I hope to see everyone there!

I love you all so very, very much.

In Jesus Name,

Pastor Kevin

Hey everyone! PK here. Some of you already know me well, but I have also see some new faces around lately. I figure that doing the AMA will get us to know one another better, and will help explain what my role is here in this subreddit. Now go ahead- Ask Me Anything!

Hello friends in Jesus and Dootle Dots alike,

Pastor Kevin (P.K.) here, and I'd like to invite you all to Game Night this Saturday at my house (377 Decatur Ave, 2 blocks west of Arby's) for 6 PM. We will have pizza (no anchovies this time, I promise!), ice cream, and one heck of a Twister tournament!

My wife Jenny has arranged for some pretty cool prizes for the people who finish in the top 4, as well as an extra cool Grand Prize for whoever comes in first. Everyone is welcome to attend, although I got to warn you all- my wife and I are very competitive, so don't assume winning will be easy! Of course, as at all of our game nights, there is only one rule: everybody has to have fun (This will be a youth-only event, which means no parents!)

The theme of the night will be Idolatry. Between now and Saturday, I'd like you all to think about what is an idol, and what it means to worship graven images. Idols can come in all shapes and sizes, and aren't only big and fancy like we see with the Golden Calf in Exodus. They can also present themselves as small and friendly, such as a collection of Hummel figurines.

Hope to see many of you there, and feel free to bring friends! Youth service will be at the same time as always on Sunday morning, so let's try and have everything wrapped up by 10:30.

In Christian fellowship,

P.K.

Hey guys,

Many of you already know me, but for those of you who don't, I'm Pastor Kevin. If Kevin is too difficult to pronounce, you can also call me PK. I go by both. I'm the youth pastor here at r/DoodleDots, and its my job to make this sub a little less boring for everyone, and to make sure that everyone here feels supported in a Christian environment.

There's been a lot of talk lately about what getting kicked really hard in the neck can do to the brain, the spinal chord as well as the brain stem. When we think of the brain, it's kind of like a big super computer that does all the functions that the body needs to do. I'm sure most, if not all of you have computers at home. Now imagine the spinal chord is like your computer's mouse or keyboard. It allows the big, bulky hunk of a computer actually function with the ouside world. But there's one other piece missing, isn't there? How are we gonna turn this puppy on? Well that's what the brain stem is for. Its basically the power cable that connects everything together. It allows the brain to function, and for the brain to communicate with the spinal chord. And it's located right in the back of the head, and continues down to the top of the neck. Now if the back of the neck gets kicked hard enough, it's lights out. Time to log off the internet because your CPU has a major malfunction.

Now, one day Peter asked Christ how many times should I forgive my brother when he has done me wrong? The Lord replied, not once. Not twice. Not seven times, but seven times seventy seven times. We must forgive and forgive and forgive.

I don't know about all of you but I believe in the power of prayer. And the things we believe in, we believe for a reason. I believe in power of prayer because I know it works. I've seen it happen. And with a certain member of our community, I am seeing it happen right now.

And so we must confront those among us who choose not to see. He who has eyes, let him see. He who has ears, let him hear. If any of you, after seeing with your eyes, through the power of prayer a brain stem, reattach itself through no medical intervention but only divine intervention, continues to disregard the will of the Lord, I feel sorry for you. And I forgive you. And I will keep forgiving you, for you have shame in your heart and need not recieve any more shaming from ol' PK.

Let us bow our heads and pray:

Lord, take away those from our midst who wish to persecute those who You have already forgiven. Take away those who doubt your power and your mercy. And may your works continue to heal our fallen, and those who have fallen as part of your divine plan. And may anyone who has a problem with Your will have all their hummel figurines smash into dust, Lord, may their beloved collection turn into dust we pray.

Amen.

Hello all

As we prepare for the moment we've all been waiting for, it got me thinking: what do users of this sub predict will happen in Episode 2 of the Dootle Dots? Will the mayer ever overcome his phobia once and for all? Will Mel "slip into something more comfortable"? Will Baxter repent for his sins?

Post any and all predictions you may be harboring in the comments section below.

Word on the street is he has not been doing to well ever since a freak accident he had on Karate Hill. Aparently the quack doctors at the hospitel are unable to fix his spine and semi detatched brain stem, as well as his bruised hippocampus. I am certain that if we all join hands in prayer, the magic of Jesus will turn him back into a thinking man again, and not the lifeless slop he currently is.

I expect that by making this post I may ruffle a few feathers of the Newheads among us. I just want to be forthwrite in saying that I respect New, his legacy and everything he's done for the HEI Network. But after dropping out of the race for governor, and leaving the citizens of Arizona with no choice but either a pig or a hog (I think the pig won), HEI subscribers should really be prepared for the worst when it comes to leadership of the HEI Network.

If all users of this sub band together and create cooperative ownership of the HEI Network by the means of a massive buyout (using more HEI points than have ever been seen in Histry), we could ensure that HEI remains a meritocracy and that nothing we don't want to change will change. New can still remain CEO. Gregg Turkington can still be a regular guest. Maybe even more new content from New. But first and foremost, we will ensure that Season 1, Episode 2 of the Dootle Dots is released to the public. Maybe it is due to some unknown brain Damage that New suffered in his Boating Accident, but he has really dropped the ball on releasing this episode in a timely manner, and I don't know if he is fit to remain owner for very much longer.

98 million more HEI points is a drop in the bucket compared to how far we have already come. I implore all of you to give, give and give some more.

The wallet ID is f7bd077a23ead6c73a8474fe88f36a91. I use a little rhyme to remember it: f7bd077a23ead6c73a8474fe88f36a91 Episode 2 will be a night of fun

I didn't believe it first, but then my friend showed me. If you listen to it backwards at a quarter speed, its clearly says, "Atop the Temple of the Sun, Teotihuacan. Cloud will be given to Xipe Totec by a blade of obsidian". Super creepy stuff, right?