I feel so guilty. I feel like i am all he has & he is all I have.... I'm so scared, but i know I'm doing the right thing for my kid. I'm destroyed emotionally. How do i start the healing....
Hi,so I'm realizing I think very slowly that I think my husband is abusive.... I dont know if im trying to make myself feel better or what, but a big part of me feels like this isnt him.
I know he loves me very very much i mean he sacrifices so much for me emotional, financially & physically. He works hard for me & takes care of me when he can, but i think he's abusing me & I dont know what to do or if I'm overthinking or if we're just under a lot of stress.
I left him prior to being married & came back to him, we were married very shortly after. I left him because I had convinced myself he was abusive, came back when I convinced myself otherwise. The love here is very strong, both ways.
If I'm being honest, im scared to leave. I'm scared he will hurt me, someone else or himself. I mean he very commonly shows signs of physical violence & i know he is capible of it.
We are homeless right now so the stress is higher, but as I said I left him before all of this so I just dont know.
I feel like i would be lost without him, he takes care of me.
I don't know. I feel safer away from him right now but I just dont know what to do. I just got a job & he wants 90% of my check while leaving me only 10% (actual numbers) because I am bad with finances.
This is rambly I'm sorry i just need to let it all out.
​
So its me, my husband, 2 yo toddler & dog in a truck.
I've gone thru and looked around for all kinds of help offered by the governemnt and whatnots but its like even housing for the homeless is expensive! Ive tried getting jobs but as soon as they figure out I'm homeless they dont wanna hire me. Its pretty obvious when you look in my truck and see all of our belongings.
​
It feels like no matter what we do, we cant get ahead. Ive managed to secure a place to have free showers & we sleep in shopping centers and rest stops every night, but in terms of finding places to LIVE feels so impossible.
​
We both have evictions & bad credit which has majorly contributed to our situation, not even low income will rent to us.
​
I'm so tired. I'm facing serious, permanent nerve, spine & hip damage where my husband's feet swell cos he cant put his feet up at night.
​
I haven't even seen the inside of a home in over 2 months, I'm starting to forget what comfort & stability feel like. Honestly- sleeping in a TENT sounds like a luxury anymore. (Can't afford a tent!!! God they're like $300 for one that would even come close to fitting our family)
​
A home cooked meal sounds lovely. Me & my husband are amazing cooks & I havent had anything of nutritional value in so long. We have foodstamps so we can get some food at least but god I want like a hot homemade bowl of pasta or anything.
​
I miss a bed, a floor, I miss closests and toasters and sinks and a bathroom whenever I need it. I'm just so frustrated, my kid is miserable (I have her in daycare so she can have some kind of normalcy), my husband and I fight a lot. Its just so insufferable.
​
I hate feeling like I have to rely on others to get by. We're trying sooooooooo fucking hard but it feels like no matter how hard we try, it doesn't matter it won't get us anywhere!!!
​
​
​
​
Thanks for reading my rant sorry 😭
So as the title says, my daughter will throw tantrums where shes screaming so loud, hard & much its caused damage to my hearing & im at a loss. 90% of the time its over wanting flavored beverage rather than water (I'm trying to break her of that) or being tired & not wanting to go to sleep. Like- actual just tantrum stuff. Her needs are met when she does this, and even if i try to give her something to eat or anything she just keeps screaming & usually throws the stuff. She has even gone as to far as to hit me, my husband and herself. I'm at a loss, any advice helps. Thanks.
Just a disclaimer, I made this throw away account kind of just to vent with my struggles right now as mom, wife & a mentally unwell adult. I just really need to vent to anyone.
I'm a 26 yo mom & me and my husband, child & dog are currently living in a truck 2,000 miles away from everyone I know (not that theyre great to start with, my family isn't much to brag about). I'm pretty lonely, I didnt really have friends before leaving my hometown, but I really don't have anyone to chat with, now.
We are kind-of making it, my husband just got a job & we both doordash together & I doordash alone when he is at work, but to be completely honest it's still not exactly enough to get housing. Not even to mention we both have recent evictions, debts, and bills to pay every month that are non-negotiable. I think my husband technically makes too much at his job for us to recieve any assistance from the government, tho I'm still going to try.
At this point I'm pretty desperate, just cos I'm so scared someone will call CPS on us. We get food from the pantry (non-perishables, usually) & I spend what I can to get us hot foods. My daughter is fed & hydrated first always. Her & her wellbeing is our no.1 priority in this situation. I still worry always that its not enough, she seems unhappy since shes in the car seat so much (we take as many breaks as is feasible, dog parts, playgrounds, hikes, even just gas station bathroom breaks, ect.) I would do just about anything for the safety of my little one & I feel a massive pressure of "youre not doing enough". Especially since theres not much I can do in terms of getting a job, myself since we have the tot & a dog so someone has to always be avalible & in the truck with the two.
I spend a lot of nights crying that I'm not being a good mother, that I'm just as bad as my mother was to me. I struggle with my mental health & here lately, my physical health as well. I know that has an impact on her & my husband I just wish I was better & I wish I could provide better mentally, physically, and finically.
I'm so scared and at a loss of what to do I mean rent is so expensive anywhere & I'm just so scared. I dont know how much longer it will be even somewhat manageable to live in a truck with her. Especially since my husband works now so we spend 8hrs just me, the tot & the dog alone. We try to make-do, doordashing when we can & spending time in public open spaces that are safe.
Thank you for reading if you read this far. All I ask is please don't be hateful, I'm just here to vent as a falling apart mama. ♡