u/panicbutmakeitanon

Im think im going to AA tonight. I didn’t think I had a problem. My mom and my best friend have expressed concern over the past 2 years but I thought mom was being mom and friend was overly concerned or jealous. Now my boyfriend is suggesting I have a problem and wants to end the relationship because of it. That kind of hit me big. Like now three people have told me I need help.

I don’t drink all the time but I have been using it as a crutch recently and have drank most days of the week. When I start drinking, I can’t stop. And that’s where the problem is I guess. It just makes me feel so carefree and happy. I have bad anxiety and depression and it helps me forget.

I know it’s a problem now. I’m scared though. I’m only 30 and I’m struggling with it. I want to be able to go out and have a couple drinks but it usually ends up being 10 and me losing control unless someone stops me. I’m so terrified at what this means for me, my mental health, my social life, and my relationships.

I don’t want to say alcoholic but at this point maybe I should. I feel so defeated.

EDIT: Thank you guys for all of your caring words and advice. I ended up going to a meeting and was greeted very warmly as soon as I got out of my car. I felt like everyone I talked to had a big blow up in their life that prompted their change so I felt out of place and like I didn’t belong. I’m trying to tell myself that it just hasn’t happened yet. I haven’t gotten a DUI. I haven’t hurt someone else. I haven’t lost my job.

Three different women gave me their numbers and told me to text or call if I need something. I think I will go back tomorrow and see what happens. I think tonight was an « open » meeting and tomorrow is closed so it may be different.

The mental illness part is really a big factor. I have an appointment to look at medicine tomorrow and plan to set up something with a therapist as well.

I dont want to call myself an alcoholic, but I think my current habits are leading to it.

Someone please tell me I’m not the only one you no crazy?? I was okay with the AI summary on searched. Fine whatever. I was good with Gemini trying to help me with things.

But WHY can I now not look up a list of restaurants without it being AI?? I search food near me. It gives 3 options. I click see more and now it’s an AI chat bot?? The f***?!

Crashing out

Hey all. I was in an abusive relationship for four years. I left about three years ago and haven’t really been with someone or slept with anyone since. I’ve been dating a guy now for a few months and he’s great. But past learned behaviors have crept into the new relationship and it’s causing a lot of anxiety and conflict. Like I’m trying to protect myself before he can hurt me. The worst part is I know it’s me, like I get so overwhelmed and overthink things and I spiral instead of just asking or talking things out.

Why I’m writing now is i haven’t been able to finish during sex with him. He’s great, some of the best. But my ex would make me feel bad if I didn’t sleep with him when he wanted. And to make it worse, he wouldn’t let me just get it over with, he insisted I finish no matter what. And he wouldn’t stop until I did despite wanting it to stop. I don’t know how to explain it. Most people would be so grateful that their partner would ensure they came, but this was a very selfish act on his part. I don’t think it was ever for me.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so helpless. I feel like I’m broken beyond repair after my ex and I won’t have a healthy relationship because of him. I just feel so defeated. I thought I was doing so good but now I just feel like I’m worthless.