Realizing I just don’t like anyone more than I like being alone
I put my pinky toe back in the dating pool and met some people who were nice. I think to myself, maybe I could be open to the right person. Then on date 3 or 4 my interest evaporates and I realize I was happier alone. I hate when physical expectations enter the picture. I want to spend my time doing what I want. I hate that dating inevitably means spending more money in the end. I want to eat what I want and spend my time doing what I want. I’m also very serious about my art and it’s what gives me purpose and fulfillment. So when I’m spending time with these people and we end up watching a movie or whatever I’m just thinking…I’d rather be using this time to make art. I also just get bored of people eventually and crave being alone. I haven’t met anyone I don’t get sick of after a few hours. I can’t imagine shacking up with someone who bores me just to say I’m in a relationship. I’m my own best friend and enjoy my time alone more than with anyone else.
I used to be someone who thought they were missing something because they were single, and that love was outside of myself. Through a lot of self work and reflection I realized that I have all the love I need inside myself, and when that happened all my interest in “finding someone” vanished because I realized they would never fulfill me, only I can. Subsequently I don’t have any interest in getting married or children, it looks like entrapment to me. I don’t envy anyone’s relationship. I want all my time to myself. I think also because I already have an all consuming passion for art I’m not looking for something to distract me like other people seem to use dating for. Wondering if others have had similar experiences?