u/peachesdaqueen

Strap in.

Deadbeat hasn't been in my life for 26 years. When he finally contacted me I tried to be chill with him. He and my mom slowly started talking more and more. Over Christmas dinner (he was not there) I mentioned how it's crazy that she was able to forgive him. In a celebratory way. She was drinking I was not. She reported back to him that I had berated her about him abandoning her. He texted me super aggressively and name calling. I really specifically texting " whoa you're coming in way too hot for this to be a productive conversation" it genuinely hurt my feelings and he said some terrible things and especially untrue since he had a false witness. I went to my mom asking if we were cool. I explained that that was not at all how I meant it and she acted so weirdly childish like I was a principal. I asked her if there was any possibility it was told to him in a certain way that would encite this energy from him. She said yeah. So I asked her to please tell me next time she has an issue with something I say and to give me some benefit of the doubt.. I also asked her to talk to him and she said it was between him and I...?.... Cut to deadbeat following up his barrage with a causal conversation. I explained that I talked to Mom and it wasn't what he thought. And I would be needing an apology for us to move forward. "It would be a disservice to my self respect if I let you talk to me like that" I said. He said he'll never apologize for defending a friend. And that they were friends before I came along. And that I'll have to remain disappointed. So I blocked him. It hurt like hell but he literally didn't even pay child support he has no right to talk to me like a child when HE WASN'T EVEN THERE. Cut to the next year of my mom every time she sees me mentioning that I need to reach out to him. And that he's just so stubborn. And I need to remember that he came back. Every time I said the same thing I just needed an apology. He doesn't have the credit with me.

Months pass when I have an ex who overdosed for the very reason I left him. She tells me I need to check on him.. Ive told her how he blames me for his problem (that he had before he met me) and the death of his friend (I was living in a different state) the man is not well.

Months pass. Then randomly I get a text of her and deadbeat sticking their tongues out at the airport. (I later saw on Instagram she had posted just them smiling captioned when you accidentally run into your baby daddy)(She's married to another man for 10 years)

I eventually scheduled a lunch with her and with shaking hands told her that I don't think she supports me when I stand up for myself. And listed everything above and talked about how now that I'm at the time 27/28 idk that I need to start thinking about being an example to a child and what does that say if I let people talk to me like that. If I draw a line that's my line. I explain what deadbeat did and read her the texts and explain that given the circumstances that photo reads as a fuck you. And I want her to be in my life and just what is going on. I kept saying you're my mom. It feels like you let a dog off on a lease and you don't care because it was for you. She says how why didn't I say this earlier, I can always come talk to her yada yada. And I explained how her actions thus far have not shown that, that is why I am here. And I thought she did alright. And she asked why I was so nervous and I said because I just felt like you'd just shrug it off. "Like this" she scoffed and rolled her eyes and laughed. She just made it feel so small. Like I could have just said this as if I hadn't every time.. then she's talking/ hang out with deadbeat. She tells me when he blocks her she says he's bipolar or something. I don't engage. A year later she's being super flaky on my birthday when she asked to make plans but whatever. I can get past working late and needing to reschedule. How ever! It wasn't until yet again I saw her on Instagram at the PUB WITH DEADBEAT the night before my birthday. AND I get a text on my new phone with my new number from deadbeat. After I told her and told her my boundaries. So I'm just beyond pissed and confused so I just sent this a few mornings a ago. Used his name like a good Christian woman in the text.

I'm really at a wall. At that brunch a while ago I asked you to be respectful of my boundaries and told you how much it hurts to not feel like my mom respects my emotions. Giving deadbeat my new number absolutely crossed a line for me. You didn't ask or anything that shows you care about me in this. All I need is for him to say he's sorry for going off and name calling. Again he doesn't have the credit with me. I can explain all I want but you told me when someone shows you who they are believe them. And your actions continuously tell me you don't care. I know you love me and I love you in a come to the hospital for emergencys way but I can't make you care about how I feel in the little emergencies that make up life. I miss you but Im tired of chasing and explaining.I would do things differently and I need some time to process the differences between us. So I need to love you from a distance right now. This is BFs number for emergenciies but you won't be able to contact me at this number. I love you

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End of message and I limit her on my socials just to be able to breathe. My chest feels tight the whole day after I send it. I send a text to my grandma saying I'm love her and miss her and I just need space from mom but want to visit when she's at work or something. She goes

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I am shocked and dismayed at your attitude. I really am. We are family and family no matter what works through their problems not run from them. I love you but you see us all or you don't see us at all.

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So I'm just at this weird place. Because I know I did what was best for me. But also I feel like a terrible person because how could she possibly not understand. Maybe if I explained that I have feelings 1000 more times she would have understood. I'm also so annoyed she made me do this. I was okay with everyone talking I just don't understand. I'm just in a rough spot. Sorry for trauma dumping, thanks for party rocking.