u/pineapple_282

I’m from America (Texas) and my ethnicity is Bangladeshi, but tbh I am kinda whitewashed so I don’t really know much about my culture or language 😭

I really want to make friends who r into playing Roblox, specifically horror games. I tried to make friends on this app but nobody replied to me but one did but they actually wasn’t interested. If y’all enjoy playing mimic, backrooms, animal hospital, specter, doors, exit 8, etc.. pls hit me up! Some of these r so hard to beat/complete so I would like someone to play together so we can finish it.

Some other hobbies or stuff I like to do is walking, cooking, and studying- I recently started studying on khan academy and so far I like it!

I walk a LOT. I try to walk more than 3 hours a day cause my step goal is 20k steps. I mostly walk indoors but I also try to walk in the mornings outside.

I’m into glow up/self care stuff too. Hair care, skin care, makeup, fitness, etc.. if y’all know anything about Kibbe, we can talk about it

I’m also trying to go back in fitness and losing weight. I already lost a lot of weight but I want to lose another 50 lbs. I lost almost 85 lbs in a year but I have gained some weight cause of binging 😭 so pls if ur into losing weight and also struggle with food pls hit me up !

I’m going to go to college this year and my major is undecided. I really don’t want to choose a degree that I’ll regret. Some degrees I’m interested in r biotech, biomedical, biology/chemistry, neuroscience, psychology, and engineering. I’m still tryna learn to see what I really like.

I have some memories of what happened, and I’m so confused. One memory that confuses me is that I remember waiting for him in the morning before he took me to his room to let him do whatever he wants to me. Like I think it was a repetitive thing- every morning I’d notice he’s in the restroom and I’ll just wait at the top of the stairs to grab me. Everyone is asleep by then and by the way, my parents and I slept downstairs and my uncle,aunt, and grandma slept upstairs. I remember one time I was waiting for him as usual and I started to talk to god telling him along the lines of “I want him dead. Please kill him. He is touching and hurting me in places my dad told me I shouldn’t be touched”. My dad taught me very early on about how people aren’t supposed to be touching specific body parts of mine. Then I remember going back to my room cause he took too long to get out of the restroom. But the thing is if I hated it so much, why did I go back for more? Why did I wait for him every morning? Did I wanted him to touch me? Like I remember crying and telling my uncle “no/stop” cause of pain. I remember so many stuff clearly, like his disgusting tea stained teeth- literally was brown and it stank. I remember him kissing and biting me on my lips and down there and I started crying and then he told me to shut up and covered my mouth and still proceed whatever he’s doing to me. I remember he was taking me to his room and my sis was there too. My sis wanted to come with me but my uncle shoved her and proceeded to take me to his room.

After he left, I became very hyper sexual. I’d touch myself everywhere, like bruh I was a fucking animal lol, didn’t care if my parents caught me to the point they’d slap me to stop doing it 😭 And I also remember having fantasies with grown men- romantic mostly I’d say. I feel so disgusting for saying this but like later, as I started growing up, I developed fantasies of wanting to get raped or raping someone. I don’t know why I have that but I just feel so ashamed.

I already told my dad what happened. I told him when I was prob around 12-13 years old. He was very mad at my uncle but he couldn’t t do anything cause he was already dead by then. I think he died when I was 5-7 years old.

Before my uncle died, my dad got a call from my uncle. He was very sick and was in a very bad condition. When I was three years old I was at a healthy weight range but then around 5 years old I got very big, like morbidly obese. They were on FaceTime. Then my dad wanted me,sis, and mom to talk to him so we took turns. When it was my turn, i heard him really wanting to see and talk to me but then when he saw me his facial expression changed right away. He was smiling slightly earlier then it just drooped upon seeing me. I’ve always believed that he had that reaction cause of my weight. I felt both happy but also sad. Like I thought that at least he doesn’t find me attractive no more but I also thought that I’m not pretty no more and felt a little insecure which now I’m thinking about it, that’s so crazy that I even thought about that so young.

I’ve always wonder if I really enjoyed my uncle attention. Did I not receive enough love or attention from my parents? But I think that’s impossible because my dad was always around me and loved me. My dad told me before that I used to scratch and hit my sis whenever she gets close to him 😭 So why did my uncles attention mattered more than my parents?

As I gotten older, like when I was 12-13 years old, I started to question if these memories are even real. Cause now I’m starting to question how the hell did I go up and down those stairs without my parents assistance? I remember I use to be so scared of the stairs and I would have nightmares falling down the stairs. My sis was 1-2 years old at that time. How was she up there too? But these memories feel so real and it’s so specific. I had so many nightmares when I was young that felt so real. I still remember those dreams today. My dad even told me I’ve had nightmares and one time I screamed waking up. So random but I also had repetitive or deja vu dreams of falling down the stairs, dining table, and this big chandelier on top of my dining table.

I was sexually assaulted by my uncle when I was 3 years old. I have some memories of what happened, and I’m so confused. One memory that confuses me is that I remember waiting for him in the morning before he took me to his room to let him do whatever he wants to me. Like I think it was a repetitive thing- every morning I’d notice he’s in the restroom and I’ll just wait at the top of the stairs to grab me. Everyone is asleep by then and by the way, my parents and I slept downstairs and my uncle,aunt, and grandma slept upstairs. I remember one time I was waiting for him as usual and I started to talk to god telling him along the lines of “I want him dead. Please kill him. He is touching and hurting me in places my dad told me I shouldn’t be touched”. My dad taught me very early on about how people aren’t supposed to be touching specific body parts of mine. Then I remember going back to my room cause he took too long to get out of the restroom. But the thing is if I hated it so much, why did I go back for more? Why did I wait for him every morning? Did I wanted him to touch me? Like I remember crying and telling my uncle “no/stop” cause of pain. I remember so many stuff clearly, like his disgusting tea stained teeth- literally was brown and it stank. I remember him kissing and biting me on my lips and down there and I started crying and then he told me to shut up and covered my mouth and still proceed whatever he’s doing to me. I remember he was taking me to his room and my sis was there too. My sis wanted to come with me but my uncle shoved her and proceeded to take me to his room.

After he left, I became very hyper sexual. I’d touch myself everywhere, like bruh I was a fucking animal lol, didn’t care if my parents caught me to the point they’d slap me to stop doing it 😭 And I also remember having fantasies with grown men- romantic mostly I’d say. I feel so disgusting for saying this but like later, as I started growing up, I developed fantasies of wanting to get raped or raping someone. I don’t know why I have that but I just feel so ashamed.

I already told my dad what happened. I told him when I was prob around 12-13 years old. He was very mad at my uncle but he couldn’t t do anything cause he was already dead by then. I think he died when I was 5-7 years old.

Before my uncle died, my dad got a call from my uncle. He was very sick and was in a very bad condition. When I was three years old I was at a healthy weight range but then around 5 years old I got very big, like morbidly obese. They were on FaceTime. Then my dad wanted me,sis, and mom to talk to him so we took turns. When it was my turn, i heard him really wanting to see and talk to me but then when he saw me his facial expression changed right away. He was smiling slightly earlier then it just drooped upon seeing me. I’ve always believed that he had that reaction cause of my weight. I felt both happy but also sad. Like I thought that at least he doesn’t find me attractive no more but I also thought that I’m not pretty no more and felt a little insecure which now I’m thinking about it, that’s so crazy that I even thought about that so young.

I’ve always wonder if I really enjoyed my uncle attention. Did I not receive enough love or attention from my parents? But I think that’s impossible because my dad was always around me and loved me. My dad told me before that I used to scratch and hit my sis whenever she gets close to him 😭 So why did my uncles attention mattered more than my parents?

As I gotten older, like when I was 12-13 years old, I started to question if these memories are even real. Cause now I’m starting to question how the hell did I go up and down those stairs without my parents assistance? I remember I use to be so scared of the stairs and I would have nightmares falling down the stairs. My sis was 1-2 years old at that time. How was she up there too? But these memories feel so real and it’s so specific. I had so many nightmares when I was young that felt so real. I still remember those dreams today. My dad even told me I’ve had nightmares and one time I screamed waking up. So random but I also had repetitive or deja vu dreams of falling down the stairs, dining table, and this big chandelier on top of my dining table.

The majors I'm most interested in are biology, chemistry, microbiology, biotechnology, biochemistry, neuroscience, biomedical sciences, and psychology related fields. The problem is that every time I research one of them, I find people saying the degree is useless, that there are no jobs, that the pay is bad, or that I should just do engineering instead. I don't have work experience yet, but when I imagine a future career, I usually picture myself working in a lab, researching, developing things, running experiments, or helping create new discoveries. Those kinds of jobs sound interesting to me. But I also worry that maybe I'd like something else if I were exposed to it, like engineering, but I don't really feel excited about it right now. Did anybody here studied majors I’ve listed above how did you decide? Do you regret it? What do you actually do day to day, and would you recommend it?

The majors I'm most interested in are biology, chemistry, microbiology, biotechnology, biochemistry, neuroscience, biomedical sciences, and psychology related fields. The problem is that every time I research one of them, I find people saying the degree is useless, that there are no jobs, that the pay is bad, or that I should just do engineering instead. I don't have work experience yet, but when I imagine a future career, I usually picture myself working in a lab, researching, developing things, running experiments, or helping create new discoveries. Those kinds of jobs sound interesting to me. But I also worry that maybe I'd like something else if I were exposed to it, like engineering, but I don't really feel excited about it right now. Did anybody here studied majors I’ve listed above how did you decide? Do you regret it? What do you actually do day to day, and would you recommend it?