AITA for not making my sister a bridesmaid?
AITA for not making my sister a bridesmaid?
Sorry for how long this is….
I recently got married and one of the biggest issues that came up was my sister not being a bridesmaid.
For context, this is my sister on my dad’s side. We actually did have a close relationship. But since I’ve been engaged June 2023, I haven’t heard much from her, and it felt like she became distant during a season of my life where I really needed support and consistency. I’m not the type of person that needs constant communication, but none at all is where I get frustrated!!
The distance didn’t just come out of nowhere. December 2023 I had a girls night, she didn’t show.. Cool. 2023-2024 we were close and communicating. But July 2024, she didn’t show up for my birthday party. Never said she wasn’t attending just didn’t show. I reached out that new years to link, we never did. In March 2025, I had a housewarming and she didn’t come. That was my test for her to be a bridesmaids or not. I did send a group text of the invitation but she could have at least said she wasn’t coming. Mind you… during this time our other sister and I are getting closer. In July 2025, I had my bridesmaid proposal. She wasn’t included in the actual bridal party proposal, although I had made her a box. But we hadn’t spoke since new years…..This decision was based on the lack of communication. In August 2025, I sent save-the-dates for the wedding, and again, there wasn’t any communication, I called her as well. Then November 2025, she told me she wasn’t coming to the wedding because she wasn’t a bridesmaid. I explained why she wasn’t and told her I still would like for her to come. January our aunt passed away and as I was walking out she was walking in. I gave her a hug which she didn’t seem like she wanted. Mind you this is the first time seeing her since April of 2024!!!! She didn’t attend the funeral so, on February 2026, I reached out asking for her address to RSVP, no response. Then around March 2026, I was on her side of town and went to her house and she didn’t answer. I messaged her on Snapchat since I deleted her number, that I was outside and wanted to talk things through. She blocked me on there. That was the day I was going to put my pride to the side and give her the box and apologize. However now I’m blocked on EVERYTHING…
When I chose my bridal party, I chose people who I actually talked to often during that season. I chose people who showed up, checked on me, supported me, and were active in my life. I wanted my sister present but she was gone!
My sister was upset that she wasn’t chosen as a bridesmaid and decided not to come to my wedding!?!?! That hurt!!! During this whole wedding process that’s the only reason I cried.
What makes it more frustrating is that my godsister was ALSO upset that she wasn’t a bridesmaid. But she handled it completely differently. She texted me, told me how she felt, and we had a real conversation. I explained my side, she expressed her feelings, and we handled it. It was a completely different reaction than my sister’s.
Yesterday, our cousin asked my sister why she wasn’t at the wedding, and apparently she went OFF. Claiming I never reached out and said FUCK ME , multiple times. So now it feels like the situation is being brought up again, and I’m being painted like I excluded her for no reason.
I didn’t choose my bridal party based only on family titles. I chose based on who was present in my life during that season. Our little sister was in my wedding, which definitely added to the fire. But the thing is my mom was the parent who got along with all the baby moms so I have a relationship with most of my siblings and they don’t.
I do feel sad that my sister wasn’t there, and I’m not saying I handled every single thing perfectly. But I also feel like she chose not to come because she didn’t get the role she wanted. Based on the story she sounds hurt but I was too. The difference is I’m past it, and had to accept she wasn’t there. I’m open for a conversation but it seems like she wants to fight me.
So, AITA for not making my sister a bridesmaid? And do I continue to live life without her ? I feel like I tried so many times and she’s just MAD ASF, but she chose not to come!! WTF