u/pistachiocinnamon

i’m 24f and i feel furious he died from cancer last year. my fiancé was the kindest man i’d ever met. our relationship felt so perfect and safe until cancer came and destroyed everything we planned for our future.

when he got sick, i gave him everything i had. i stayed strong for him even when i was falling apart. i barely slept, ate, and lived every day terrified that something would happen to him. my entire life revolved around protecting him and keeping him alive. it was always him before me.

he kept promising me we’d make it through this. he promised me that once he got better, we’d finally get married and live the life we want but he died, and now i’m the one left here carrying all of this pain alone.

i’m angry because i sacrificed so much just for him to still leave me anyway. i’m angry because i stayed awake panicking and trying to save him while slowly destroying myself in the process, and none of it mattered in the end.

people say the person who dies is the one who suffers the most, but honestly i think being the one left behind is worse. he died once, but i feel like i die over and over again every single day. i relive everything constantly. the hospital memories, the fear, the helplessness, the moment i lost him. it never stops. and the worst part is that instead of healing, i feel like grief is slowly consuming me more each day.

i feel horrible for being angry at him because i know he fought as hard as he could. i know he didn’t choose to leave me. but i can’t stop feeling abandoned anyway. i just want to know if anyone else has ever felt this kind of anger?

i’m 24f and i feel furious he died from cancer last year. my fiancé was the kindest man i’d ever met. our relationship felt so perfect and safe until cancer came and destroyed everything we planned for our future.

when he got sick, i gave him everything i had. i stayed strong for him even when i was falling apart. i barely slept, ate, and lived every day terrified that something would happen to him. my entire life revolved around protecting him and keeping him alive. it was always him before me.

he kept promising me we’d make it through this. he promised me that once he got better, we’d finally get married and live the life we want but he died, and now i’m the one left here carrying all of this pain alone.

i’m angry because i sacrificed so much just for him to still leave me anyway. i’m angry because i stayed awake panicking and trying to save him while slowly destroying myself in the process, and none of it mattered in the end.

people say the person who dies is the one who suffers the most, but honestly i think being the one left behind is worse. he died once, but i feel like i die over and over again every single day. i relive everything constantly. the hospital memories, the fear, the helplessness, the moment i lost him. it never stops. and the worst part is that instead of healing, i feel like grief is slowly consuming me more each day.

i feel horrible for being angry at him because i know he fought as hard as he could. i know he didn’t choose to leave me. but i can’t stop feeling abandoned anyway. i just want to know if anyone else has ever felt this kind of anger?

24F. My fiancé died last year, and the grief has taken over my life to the point that I can’t function, not even with the simplest things. I haven’t been able to find a job because I feel so mentally unstable. I want to try seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist, but I’m scared of medication.

I’m scared that if I take those, I’ll slowly lose the feeling of him. My fiancé is the only person who i ever felt truly connected to, the only one I held onto. I’m afraid the medication will take that away and leave me detached. I’d rather carry this pain than feel nothing at all, because it’s the only thing that still makes him feel close, the only proof I have that he was real and that he’s still with me in some way

Can you please share your experiences with medication with me? before i get myself checked