How to cope with weight gain in a fatphobic society?
hi! I've been attempting recovery after my recent relapse and I found that I'm having trouble with fully committing to it because im afraid of weight gain (duh, I know thats very common lol). however, im not afraid of it in a sense that I'd find my body less attractive - i don't really care that much, tbh. if I was stranded on an uninhabited island, i'd easily allow myself to gain weight. im more so afraid of societal consequences of weight gain.
i may have worked hard to unpack my own fatphobia but unfortunately, the rest of society had not. im scared of facing discrimination and judgement, especially financial and job discrimination. fat women tend to earn less than thin women according to some studies i found 🫠 >!(meanwhile, heavier men actually tend to earn slightly more! i hate this world we live in yall)!< idk if this is just my ED catastrophizing by equating recovery weight gain to me becoming broke and homeless immediately, i know thats not how this works. im just scared of letting go of the current privilege I hold, as sad as that sounds.
it is kind of ridiculous because I dont even get to use my "privilege" rn, my brain is too obsessed with food and too exhausted to hold a job. I just keep holding on to that fantasy that I could just maintain this weight I achieved in my current relapse by just eating my "maintenance" cals as it is a "healthy" BMI and all the fatigue and other physical symptoms will just go away. ik thats not true though, the moment I actually let myself eat I experience energy and clearness of mind I have never experienced during my relapse 😭 I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.
if you had similar struggles in recovery, what helped you overcome it and commit? any resources you could recommend to deal with this? this is pretty much the only thing holding me back from going all-in rn..