u/pleasingamethyst

i’m 23F and i’m hoping to get back into dating, but honestly, i feel like i have no idea what i’m doing lol. i’d really appreciate advice from people with more experience, especially anyone who’s dealt with anxiety or chronic illness while dating.

i use hinge, but i’ve only ever met one person from the app. we went on three dates before things fizzled out (he didn’t see things continuing with my situation), so i’m still pretty inexperienced. i overthink everything during the talking stage, like how much to text, what to ask, how long to talk before meeting, and whether someone is actually interested. i know people say you shouldn’t text for too long before meeting because you want things to talk about in person, but i’m socially anxious and tend to work myself up so much before leaving the house that sometimes it becomes difficult to actually go through with plans. this was one of my biggest struggles with the last person i dated.

i also have a chronic illness that makes planning dates unpredictable, and i live in a small town, so having a bigger dating pool means driving about an hour. i have ARFID, which makes restaurant dates difficult, too. i don’t currently work because of my health, and sometimes i worry that i’ll seem boring or won’t have much to talk about because my day-to-day life is pretty limited.

i’ve spent the last few years mostly stuck at home because of my illness and not having a car, but i’m finally mobile again and able to start going out and doing things. i think that’s a big part of why i’m ready to try dating now. i want to meet people, experience a relationship, and get my life back after feeling like i’ve missed out on so much.

i know my life hasn’t followed the typical timeline of going from high school to a career and then finding someone, but i genuinely feel ready to be part of someone else’s life and let them be part of mine. i’ve been through a lot with my health and other challenges, and those experiences have taught me a lot about myself. i’m not saying i have everything figured out, and i already go to therapy, but i don’t think i need to have a career or overcome every struggle before i can be a good partner. i’m not looking for people to tell me to fix myself before dating; i want to learn how to navigate dating with the life i have.

i’d especially love advice on:
- how to navigate the talking stage, texting, and knowing when to meet in person.
- red flags and green flags, and how to recognize someone who’s genuinely compatible with you.
- setting boundaries, avoiding unhealthy relationships, and not settling just because you want love.
- handling dating anxiety and explaining health limitations without scaring someone off.
- dating when you don’t work/feel like your life isn’t as exciting as everyone else’s.
- finding ways to plan dates that work around anxiety, chronic illness, or food limitations.

if you’ve been through something similar, or you have advice you wish you’d known when you first started dating, i’d genuinely love to hear it. i want to give myself a real chance at finding a healthy relationship, and i’d rather learn from other people’s experiences than keep overthinking everything on my own.

i know there’s a lot of context to my situation, so if anyone has questions or wants me to elaborate on anything, i’m happy to answer in the comments!

TL;DR: i’m 23F getting back into dating after years mostly stuck at home because of chronic illness and not having a car. i’m inexperienced with hinge, overthink texting and meeting people because of social anxiety, have unpredictable health limitations and ARFID, live an hour away from a bigger dating pool, and don’t currently work. despite all of that, i genuinely feel ready for a relationship and want practical advice on navigating dating, recognizing red flags, setting boundaries, and finding someone compatible. i already go to therapy, so i’m looking for actual dating advice rather than being told to fix myself first.