u/porkborg

I’m a 53M American living in Paris for 25 years. My wife of 25 years was Parisian (recently separated). When I moved here many years ago, one of the things that surprised me most was French women’s taste in men.

US women in their 20s can be very superficial and like very tall, big, masculine frat boys or finance dudes with symmetric faces. These men can be dumb as nails with zero wit and intellect, as long as they look hot. Yes, I’m generalizing a bit, but overall it’s true.

In many ways, French women are the exact – and I mean, EXACT – opposite…

They don’t like big men. It’s not that they don’t like us (I’m 6’5” and do very well with French women) – it’s just that they don’t really care much about height. If you spend 20 minutes walking around Paris, you’ll see half the couples where the woman is taller than the man. It looks like moms walking around with their sons. I do find some French women who say they could never date a short guy, but they’re the exception.

They don’t like ultra-masculine men. French men, especially Parisians, are very effeminate. They’re little and skinny and walk like women, and they wear elegant decorative scarves around their necks all year long. Strangely enough, this doesn’t seem to bother French women. I hear a lot of American expat women complain about how French men seem like they’re all gay.

They’re not impressed by your nice face. With all their shortcomings, Frenchmen are actually very handsome. They have nice, handsome, symmetrical faces. Clavicular looks like every 20-year-old French guy. He doesn’t stand out one bit in Paris.

They like wit and intellectual depth. It sounds like a cliché, but it’s true. French people in general really do admire wit. They also love deep conversation and are turned on by intelligence. Clavicular’s pickup lines were so laughably bad it made me cringe to listen to them. He just tells women they’re pretty. LOL. And asks them if they want to spice up their evening. It’s hilariously cringe.

They don’t like Americans. I should clarify this… It’s not really true. What they don’t like are the typically clichéd dumb, arrogant Americans with cocky attitudes. Although I’m American, I speak perfect French and know how to talk to a woman with an understated confidence – a subtle mix of humility and wit. Clavicular comes off as the ultimate “ugly” American.

I’m just pointing this out because it seems that the vast majority of women here are constantly complaining about men wanting sex. As if. One woman even mentioned that she automatically reports any guy who starts getting sexual early in the conversation.

What you people don’t seem to understand is that a LOT of women also love casual sex, including ONS, FWB and other forms of uncommitted intimacy. Just because YOU don’t want that doesn’t mean that nobody does.

Another thing… wanting a serious long-term relationship and getting sexual early are NOT contradictory or mutually exclusive. It’s very possible to be relationship-minded but also want to start with sex early on.

Who made this rule that we all have to form an emotional or intellectual bond before moving on to physical intimacy? That might be your own little rule, but it’s not a universal rule for everyone.

For me, personally, finding a kind woman who I can build an emotional connection with is the easiest thing in the world. Such women are everywhere. What’s hard is finding a woman who matches my sexual energy.

As a man, I don’t want to go out on four or five dates, take my time, pay for dinners, and chat for hours, only to discover later that the woman is a starfish in bed or isn’t very sexual overall. Or worse, maybe she’s asexual or simply doesn’t like things I like.

For instance, I’ve met women who hate receiving oral. That’s a non-starter for me, and it’s the kind of thing I’d want to know VERY early on so I don’t waste my time. Therefore, why wouldn’t I want to have sex discussions early on?

To be clear, I’m not defending men who send dick pics and are aggressive or even derogatory unprompted. Rudeness is always wrong, no matter what the topic at hand. However, it’s not fair to assert that sexual talk is offensive. It might be undesirable for you, in which case you can tell the person or unmatch. But it’s unfair to accuse sexual people of wanting sex.

That would be like me getting angry and reporting women for talking about visiting galleries together on a first date. LOL. I love art and galleries, but I don’t want to do that on a first date. So should I get angry about it, complain about it, and report women over it?

Look, if some of you are prudish about sex, then that’s your right. But I can promise you, there are a lot of freaky sex fiends out there – men AND women – and we have no problem getting into sex talk early and openly.

If it’s not for you, so be it. But stop expecting everyone to be like you. We’re all different.

Just thought I’d share because I went three years without ever hearing of either of these. One day someone on this subreddit mentioned Bumpy, and I saw a Facebook ad for Breeze. Since many don't know about these, I figured I'd share my experience.

Bumpy…

Bumpy is very similar to Bumble and Tinder. The main difference is that it’s geared towards international dating. The interface and functions are so clean and user-friendly. If you’re a guy, get on Bumpy and you’ll discover what it’s like to be a woman on dating apps. You get thousands of likes, but, unfortunately, most of the women are far away in countries you’d never fly to. And many of these countries have weak passports, so the women can’t meet you anywhere. However, there are a lot of Brazilians, Colombians and other South Americans, and they can fly to a lot of places, including Western European countries. You’ll also find some matches who are local or nearby.

On the first week of the app, I had a Brazilian woman fly to me for a couple days (she bought her own plane ticket), and I met a cute American across the border in Germany (I’m in France). There are tons of women ready to meet, but most of them expect you to go to them. Understandable. As for scammers, I don’t think there are many at all. The site is very well managed and moderated. Most profiles are verified. They also have location verification. If you're a globe-trotter and into international dating, Bumpy is absolutely great.

Breeze…

This is such an interesting concept and well-made app. Unfortunately, it’s pretty worthless where I live (Paris area). The concept is that they only show you a couple likes each day. If you and another user like each other, then a date is set. You both agree on a date and time, and the app will send you to one of its partner venues for a drink. You need to pre-pay for the date, but it’s only a few bucks, and it includes the first drink. What’s great about this concept is that there is absolutely no texting before the date (it lets you text a couple hours before the start time though just to facilitate meeting if needed).

Unfortunately, for me, there are very few women in my age range on the app here in Paris. It’s constantly telling me to broaden my settings, but I have a wide age range (up to my age) and 150km reach. Many days it only shows me one woman, and she’s almost never interesting to me. I must’ve liked seven women so far, had two matches, and went on one date, which was nice. It’s unfortunate it’s not more popular here. The app is nice and the concept is good.

Following three years of dating, of the seven apps I’ve used, here is my ranking…

1 – Bumble – Great combination of quality and volume. Well managed.

2 – Hinge – Less volume but quality driven. Some of my best dates.

3 – Bumpy – Well designed, thousands of gorgeous women. But international.

4 – Breeze – Such a great idea, but location-dependent. Not very useful in Paris.

5 - Facebook Dating – Not bad but lots of scammers and fakes, and very buggy app.

6 – Badoo – Very low quality, full of ads, badly managed, scammers, fakes, etc.

7 – Tinder – An absolute cesspool. Even for hookups I’d rather use the other apps.