u/potatews120

I just need some perspective…all welcome!

I have a younger cousin who lives in Los Angeles. He’s married, and he and his wife just had their first baby. The baby arrived about a month early 2 days ago, so understandably everything is possibly chaotic.

I called to congratulate him, and during the conversation he was talking about how rushed everything felt because they thought they still had several weeks to prepare. In that context, I asked if there was anything they needed. I was thinking along the lines of diapers, wipes, baby supplies, food delivery gift cards, something practical that could help in a pinch.

He thanked me and initially said they didn’t need anything. We kept talking, and then a few minutes later he said, “Actually, I know what you can get me. You can get me a chest.”

I was confused and asked, “A chest?”

He said, “Yeah, for the baby’s clothes.”

So I clarified, “You mean a chest of drawers?”

And he said, “Yeah. Just make sure it’s white because my wife only likes white.”

I was honestly caught off guard. Asking for furniture felt very different from asking for baby supplies. In the moment I didn’t really know how to respond, so I didn’t push back. I told him it would need assembly, bc again, I was thinking of “he needs this in a pinch type of way and he said his brother would put it together.

After we got off the phone, the more I thought about it, the stranger it felt. Furniture is expensive, highly personal, and something that usually involves the couple’s tastes and preferences. My thought was that if I was going to do this, I’d need to find several options and send them over for both him and his wife to approve before buying anything.

What really bothered me happened less than 24 hours later. He texted me:

“What’s the ETA on the chest? Mom and baby are doing fine and heading home today.”

That message rubbed me the wrong way. Not because I don’t want to help, but because it suddenly felt less like a gift and more like I had been assigned a task with a deadline. Finding, purchasing, coordinating, and delivering a piece of furniture isn’t exactly something that happens overnight.

Now I’m wondering if I’m overreacting. Just feels a little overboard, out of hand, weird etc so wanted to come on here and ask for others similar experiences and what they did and if I’m being unreasonable for feeling irritated by this? 🤔🤔🤔

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UPDATE:

Guys, thank you for all your responses, appreciated every piece of advice, perspective and the occasional joke 😂 I love it here.

So I ended up sending one off Amazon that was in my budget and let him know in response to his text “ETA THURSDAY - earliest one I could find to send”. Wanted to post screen shot of his response but this was it: “Niceeeeee. Baby is going to be home by tomorrow, can live one day without it. Thanks!”

To everyone saying I offered, why am I annoyed? - I hear you. I am annoyed at myself too for not pushing back - I should've.

To everyone saying he’s probably overwhelmed and new parents and all that - also get that. But his tone was not stressed, it was not one of scrambling to get things last minute, the rush he was referring to was having to wheel his wife to deliver the baby a month earlier. So w the context of what I know abt my cousin, I think the ask was more entitled than pls help us w this. Also side note: he was showing me the room and I mentioned I don’t see a crib and his exact words: “babies don’t sleep in a crib until they’re maybe 6 months, usually a year” - I don’t have kids nor do I try to impose parenting advise on those who do but that seems not right to me lol.

To everyone validating my irritation and me thinking this was a wild ask - thank you. I know I’m outing my cousin here but that’s what this platform is for and I’m just speaking my truth - in hindsight, this isn’t the first time something outwardly like this has come from him, but if I was ever just brushing it off, this seals it and now I know. Maybe it’s a lack of social cues, maybe it’s being brought up elsewhere, maybe whatever. My bar is the way I operate and I would never ask someone outright for something big no matter the pinch esp if I have never provided the same to them at some point.

I was looking at multiple options after the ask bc even tho wild, I wanted to put time and meaning into it but the second ETA text threw me off completely and put a bad taste in my mouth so it turned into just doing my due diligence.

To everyone giving me verbatim advice on what I should’ve said - I learned so much and will for sure be using these lines moving forward.

I did talk to the wife and stated “hey talked to dad and asked what was needed and he mentioned a chest, so I’ve sent one, it isn’t pottery barn like you guys are used to but should mull you over until you get what you want.” She was really appreciative and thanked me.

There might be one more update after they receive the piece and if I hear anything 🤭