u/pretendangel

I have schizoaffective bipolar type disorder, or so they tell me. I think I am so aware of it because no one in my family actually speaks about it out loud.
And when I am in a depressive episode I realise that I am in one because I have this disorder.

But then sometimes— I completely ignore it, disregard it, deny it, all of the above. It goes back and forth and I can only actually realise there’s something wrong with me when someone yells at me for my actions.

Is this normal? Shouldn’t I be aware all of the time? Sometimes when I am merely depressed, I know I have it. But when I’m in a mixed episode or whatever the fuck I do, I completely deny it. And lose all insight. I completely think nothing is wrong with me and this is just how I am. Even all of my hallucinations— I never realise they’re hallucinations. I don’t think they are.

Is anyone like this?

I have schizoaffective bipolar type disorder, it has made me such a difficult person to be around. My days are clouded by shame and sadness over what I am putting everyone through, I hate being like this, I resent being a liability. I often think of my siblings— how do they feel having a sibling who suffers from this and multiple other things? Even though they don’t straight forwardly know what’s wrong with me.

Doesn’t matter if you’re dating them or it’s a familial relationship, or even just a friendship. I want to hear what others feel like. Witnessing this, that is.

I wanted to adopt, because albeit I didn’t get my illness from genetics— no one in my family ever had it, but I think I would pass it on. So i decided against biological children. But again: I’ve heard too many stories of people growing up with schizophrenic/bipolar parents, and it didn’t end well.

I don’t want children anyway. At least I don’t think so. Not yet— I’m way too young and unstable but I think about it some nights. Or when I get reminded by other people that people actually want those things.

I would love to hear your experiences!!

Hello!!

I just wanted to ask how does one go about pitching a film to a big production company with the intention of personally directing the film? I have looked into indie production companies but the thing is, the film I am making/ building is such a very galactic film. I am not joking. I don’t think An indie production company could actually execute it in the same way a big budget would? I could be very wrong though!!

But the film I wrote, its genre is dystopian horror if that helps with anything? It’s very detailed and I’ve put my heart and soul into it. I’ve spoken to professors and scientists to help with the world that I am building to make it all make sense for I have this unnerving need to make everything logical.

I have read countless of threads, both my friend and I and it seems the one thing that keeps popping up but it’s my first time hearing of is an agent? But not like an actor agent, but an agent who will submit your script to these producers.

I know it seems rather unrealistic, but my wish is to make my films early in my twenties rather than wait till I’m older lol. I think we need more young filmmakers.