AITAH for not saying no?
Potential Trigger Warning for CSA(?) and gr00ming(?) and online CSAM. Please proceed with caution if triggered by those topics.
So I (16) have always had trouble with saying no to people when they ask me for things and have always been a bit of a people pleaser and attention seeker (or at least thats what other people have called me anyways). I also have always loved writing and role playing. I am huge into fandom culture and have been since I was a child (think 9-10) so I have been on the internet for a long ass time. With that being said Ive always had trouble discerning what is and isnt appropriate behavior from the people around me and as a result continue to accidentally traumatize myself both online and irl because of the past trauma I experienced as a small child.
The most recent incident happened right after I was broken up with by my (age appropriate) ex. I got really sad so I went to look for role play partners online, but unfortunately non ai platforms are really hard to find because of the recent ai boom. So it was a struggle even finding a place to look for RP partners. Until I found an app I will not name. It was exactly what I was looking for so I signed up and made a profile. But nobody messaged me at first. Until a couple days later when I got a message from a guy who said he wanted to RP. I was ecstatic! I excitedly told him all my plots (they were all sfw obviously) and then he asked that dreaded question that every roleplayer regardless of age has heard at least once:
"Do you do NSFW?"
I said no (a really difficult thing for me to do). He blocked me. This same thing kept happening with several people until finally I was worn down, eventually saying yes to someone. He and I wrote something truly disgusting that I still cannot erase from my brain no matter how hard I try. But unfortunately then the floodgates were opened. I kept saying yes to more and more stuff with more and more people, I saw so many things I did not wanna see and read so many things I did not wanna read.
These people knew my age and they were all between 19-25. It all came to a head when someone asked me for pictures and videos... I agreed and I took them. I felt disgusting but they kept telling me how attractive I was so I kept going. Eventually I finally got overwhelmed enough to delete my account, delete the app and block everyone. But it was too late. More pictures of my naked body are out in the world and I have zero control of where they go.
The reason Im posting here is because when I told my dad about all this (I have a very close relationship with my dad and feel guilty when I dont tell him what Ive done wrong) he said I shouldve known better because of how many times this has happened, and that the law wouldnt be on my side for much longer. He also said how I was an asshole to myself for complying with them when I didnt have to. And now I just feel stupid. Was I the one in the wrong here? I know I did the wrong thing but idk.
AITAH for not saying no?
EDIT TO CLARIFY SOME THINGS:
I am not a girl, I am just a very feminine trans boy. I use he/him pronouns.
my SA traumas go back as far as I remember, most of the earlier ones being IRL and even some of the later ones being IRL too.
my dad is a very supportive and amazing parent, he is just really tired of this stuff happening as the police and CPS keep questioning us because of it.
yes I do already read fanfiction and write by myself, it does help.
I have decided to not RP with people I dont already know for the foreseeable future.