u/proton_smelts

I'm a middle manager at a mid-sized office. I manage a team of 9 people. One of my employees is a young woman in her late twenties who's been trying for a while to go back to college and finish her degree. A few days ago, she asked me if she could change her schedule for about 5 months while she takes a course that isn't available online. She would leave early in the afternoon once a week and make up those hours on Sunday. Our whole office is WFH, so as far as I was concerned, I had absolutely no problem with it. And I've been telling her for years that she needs to go back and finish her studies.

My manager, "Sarah," the department manager, is an obnoxiously micromanaging and genuinely awful person, and supposedly any decision like this "has to" go through her. So I sent her an email, explained that I wanted to approve it, and said that all I needed was for her to give her approval with HR.

Her response? "Wow, she's really bold and entitled to assume we'd approve something like this. What is she planning to do if we say no - quit??"

I told my manager that yes, of course she has the right to quit if she wants to. She doesn't owe this place anything. I also said I'd be very upset if we lost her because she's great, she's been here for years, and this schedule change is temporary. Losing a good employee over a simple accommodation would be stupid and petty.

My manager did not like that response at all. She denied the request anyway, and we got on Zoom with the employee to tell her. The employee didn't even blink. She said, "OK, I expected that might be your answer, Sarah. I've already written my resignation letter and just sent it to you and HR. This is my 2 weeks' notice."

Sarah just sat there stunned. In that moment I got even more angry at my manager, but honestly I was fucking proud of my employee.

Side note: if I could go back in time and choose again, I would never become a manager at any company. You find yourself stuck dealing with everyone's bullshit, with almost no real say in anything, and somehow you're still the person employees have to hear corporate bullshit from.

My husband made a very stupid decision. He was supposed to be working, clocked in and telling everyone he was handling tickets, but he left work and went to a nearby sportsbook and got caught sitting there watching the races. They fired him because of that, and honestly, I'm very upset.

He had been at this company for about 8 years, and now I'm assuming he won't be able to list them as a normal reference. One manager who knew him outside of work said, somewhat hesitantly, that he might be able to vouch for him, but that's basically all he has. I also have a job, so we're not in panic mode right this second, but with bills and the kids, that could change quickly if he stays unemployed for a long time.

How does he even explain this in applications or interviews? The company is small and the owner might be petty, so if a future employer calls to verify anything, I'm worried they'll say exactly why he was let go if he tries to spin it.

He says he understands how badly he messed up and that he's ashamed, but I don't know how much that matters to someone hiring in IT. I'm stressed and trying to understand what the realistic picture looks like here. Any advice would help. Thanks.

I had an interview recently, and everything seemed normal until the guy asked me for three reasons why they should reject me. The question threw me off and, honestly, really annoyed me, so I ended up giving three answers that probably sounded fake and likely ruined my chances right then and there.

After that, when it was my turn to ask questions, I asked him: "What's the biggest reason that might make me not choose this company if I got multiple offers?"

He immediately got annoyed and said something like: "Well, you're welcome to keep working where you are if that's how you feel." After that, he kept coming back to that point and saying: "I can't believe you asked me that question. Thank you for taking the time today, but that last question was very strange."

Screw these companies. I didn't even want the job anyway.

For clarification, I'm currently in a senior role and have a little over 10 years of experience, so this wasn't a junior opening or my first job interview ever.

A good job became toxic

I've been working at the same company for a little over 9 years as a senior/lead developer. For a long time, honestly, I liked the work and got along well with most of the people there. I worked on several major site builds, internal tools, and cleaning up messy processes that were wasting everyone's time. It was work that mattered to me, even with a commute that was eating up nearly 4 hours a day round trip.

About 3 years ago, my daughter had to have a medical procedure, and the next morning I slipped and badly injured my shoulder. In the end, I was late to an important meeting after what happened. Instead of even a little understanding, I got a written warning and was put on probation. Looking back, that probably should have shown me exactly who I was working for, but I convinced myself it was a one-time thing and moved on.

Then early on a Friday night this year, my wife had a very serious cardiac event. I rushed her to the ER, and eventually they sedated her, put her on a breathing machine, and placed a device to relieve the pressure on her heart. They also did an angioplasty and put in 3 stents. I called my manager that same night and explained that I had no idea when I'd be back. On Monday, I sent an update to the team. She was still in critical condition and still unconscious in the ICU. She stayed that way for about 9 days.

I sent another email update in the middle of the week. After the tenth workday I'd missed, while I was using sick time and vacation time, my manager called me and said HR needed to meet with me that same afternoon. I was written up again and put on another probation period. He told me there are moments when I have to choose what's more important: my career or my wife. I was told I had to come back to the office 4 days a week or I would be end.

Someone in HR mentioned FMLA, so I applied for it. Since then, I've heard that my manager has been talking as if everything will get back on track as soon as I'm sitting at my desk again. My plan is to use up the rest of the PTO I've earned, return the company laptop, badge, and monitor, and submit my resignation.

In the middle of all this, a recruiter contacted me about a developer role less than 15 minutes from my house. I did a few interviews, and they made me an offer. They were also completely understanding about waiting a few weeks until my wife gets through the worst part of her follow-up appointments before I start. I'm supposed to start there in about two more weeks.

Am I wrong for not giving them the usual two-week notice? Part of me feels like that would be the professional thing to do, but another part of me can still hear my manager's voice basically telling me to choose between my job and my wife. They showed me no mercy when my family was falling apart, so I can't see why I owe them any mercy now.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and give your perspectives. I’ve decided to stick with my plan to drop off my gear and walk away without giving notice, and I also found some useful information about handle toxic workplaces in this post, which I wanted to share so you can benefit.