Girlfriend of 4 years maybe broke up with me? Hurt and confused.
This literally just happened. I’ll try to explain it as clearly as possible but I think I just ruined the best thing in my life.
For context, we had a deep talk around May about how she was unhappy with my actions and that she was unhappy that I didn’t do enough with her. She stated she wanted to go out and do more with me besides hanging out in our places or going to grab dinner, which we did a lot and was our main hangouts. I saw her point of view and I started going to things more with her but at some point I dropped the ball and just stopped and eventually reverted back to hangouts where we just hung out, watched some movies and or got dinner. Which leads me to today & the argument we got in yesterday.
We got into an argument yesterday because we agreed to hangout around 4:30 after she got off work and got ready, I had been ready for a while and accidentally fell asleep around 3:30 and I woke up at about 5. This turned into an argument over text and instead of either of us meeting in person to talk about it, for some reason we just kept talking over text an it just made the argument so bad. Bad as in not much was solved, not that we were at each other’s throats. Part of it was spurred because she told me she wanted to go for a hike that day, which I agreed to but said we should think of some other things to do first because I had a going away party for one of my friends and had to leave and I wanted the maximum amount of time w her (If we went on the hike I’d have to shower). So eventually this turned into her saying she wanted some space and that she didn’t want to talk about this anymore til tomorrow. So now comes today.
Today we had a talk and she started being weird towards the back half of the argument and eventually after asking a few times what’s up I asked her if she felt like this could still work and she said “I don’t know”. We cried a bunch and talked it out and she basically said she decided then and there she probably wanted to break up. She never outright said it but when I was asking certain questions like the one if we could still work she started shifting to a “I don’t think so” and said stuff like “I just don’t think it’s healthy for either of us”. I told her to just think about it and that we would work out and I loved her deeply and she said she also loved me so much but didn’t say anything to me saying stuff about how I know it’ll be okay. I told her to take all the time she needs and that whatever she decides, that I’ll be there for her and I love her no matter what, she’s the love of my life and I’ll support any decision she makes because I just want her to be happy & healthy. Also we talked about what we could do better and she kinda said something along the lines of “I just don’t trust that you’ll do those things”.
Obviously I’m leaving out parts of the conversations where she did wrong and we talked that out, so I might come off as a bit of an asshole but that’s not important because I just wanted to put everything she said out there.
The advice I’m asking for is, what the hell do I do now? She’s still in contact with me, as we texted twice since it happened (happened about 2/3 hours ago) but it’s obvious she’s not gonna be on her phone a lot for the rest of the night. It’s been 4 years and we met in high school (I’m 22 and she’s 20). She is everything to me and I don’t know what to do or what to say to her to make her feel better about this. If there’s anything I could say or do to talk it out more with her or have her take what she didn’t outright say but still said back I’d do it. I shit the bed here because I’m too stupid and didn’t keep up with what we talked about last time and I’m just at such a loss. Please help me out, wtf do I do?