u/questioningme_so

Hey, I’m a female presenting person who has kept this part of me a secret my entire life. I’ve mostly been okay just dressing less gendered, not really talking about it. But I cannot get the thought of ftm bottom surgery out of my head and I don’t know what to do. I’m an adult, but I dont know any gender questioning people in my real life, I have a good job and fit in and feel so at odds with myself and my place in the world that i dont know how to stop it anymore it feels like I need to shout it out :(

I know there are tonnes of these posts, I’ve been quietly reading them for a while now and I just felt like I needed to make an account myself so I can join in. This community has been so helpful for me, so thank you

I’m 31, UK based and questioning everything. I’ve always thought I was bisexual. I’ve had a few experiences with women but never properly dated a woman. My physical experiences of women have been amazing, far far more exciting and intimate than those I’ve had with men. However, I have enjoyed sex with men, it just doesn’t feel quite the same. I hope it’s not TMI but I feel a lot more submissive with men, like I like having stuff done to me but not necessarily doing stuff to them?

I find myself day dreaming all the time about life with a female partner, simple things from holding her hand, going on dates, making each other laugh. I think about it all the time.

I have a boyfriend currently, we were friends first and met through work and it just sort of fell that way. The more I feel these thoughts the less I want to be intimate with him, the more irritated I feel when I’m around him. Which is not fair to him at all I know.

I guess my fears are around what if I leave, blow up my life and realise I’m not actually a lesbian. What if I feel like I regret it. I’m not sure what I want from this post, I just feel a bit lost ❤️