Teens and cellphone
I’m a mom of three teenage boys, and I would really appreciate some advice from parents who have been through this stage.
I homeschooled my boys until the end of middle school. Growing up, we limited screens a lot. We did things together—board games, museums, nature, outdoor activities, playing in the backyard, family outings, etc.
Now, my oldest is 18 and a senior in public high school, my second is 16 and a sophomore in public high school, and my youngest is 13 (still homeschooled ) . My youngest really isn’t an issue yet, but I am struggling so much with my older two and their phones/screens.
They are great kids. They are excellent students and get great grades. They play sports, stay out of trouble, and don’t go out doing crazy things. From the outside, they are the kind of teenagers people compliment me on, and I am very thankful for them.
But at home, I feel like I am constantly fighting a battle with their phones.
Whenever they aren’t at school, playing sports, or doing something they have to do, all they seem to want is their phones. Homework gets left until the last minute. I can ask five times for a simple chore to get done because they are distracted by their phones.
I find myself constantly saying, “Get off your phone,” “Did you do your homework?” “Please put your phone down,” “I already asked you to do this.” It has gotten to the point where they tell me that all I do is complain about their phones—and honestly, sometimes it feels that way to me too.
We talk about it almost every day, which obviously isn’t working.
I also have a strong personality, so when I get frustrated, I tend to raise my voice. I know that isn’t helping either. But seeing them sitting on their phones for hours genuinely drives me crazy.
My husband is an excellent father, but he is much more introverted and laid-back about this than I am, so most of the phone monitoring and arguing ends up falling on me.
I hate how much phones have taken over teenage life. At the same time, I understand that with high school, friends, sports teams, school communication, etc., there really isn’t a way to completely go back to life without phones.
What I miss most is our family connection. We used to play board games, go outside, do things together, and just enjoy being around each other. Now it feels like nothing can compete with a phone for very long.
For parents who have successfully navigated this stage with older teenagers: How do you set healthy limits without constantly fighting about it?
I don’t want the last few years I have with them at home to be spent with me nagging them about their phones. I want boundaries, responsibility, and family connection—but I also want peace in our home.
My boys tell me I am always bringing conflict to the house. They want me to let them alone. I am so , so tired of nagging and asking and screaming every and each day.
An example: weekdays they get home from school straight to their bedroom to scroll cellphone for hours. Then they check cell phones during dinner. Homework is left for 10pm.
They say it is because they are tired from school.
Weekends it is sofa and phones for hours. If I complain, they go to their bedrooms. If we go somewhere for a hiking, in the car they just stay on their phones. When I pick them up from practices, they are scrolling on their phones because they say they are tired from practice. Any kind of conversation I try to have, all they do is say I don’t want to talk, I am tired.
My husband hates conflict and confrontation
so he does not get involved. I am so tired to the point t of just wishing they go to school and find a job so they spend all day busy instead of cell phones.
Thank you!