u/quietlydisillusioned

I've been wondering if y'all experience something I've recently understood as premature grief.

I have been unconsciously doing it all my life but have started feeling it more intensely over the last couple of years.

I find myself grieving things that haven't necessarily been lost but my mind has mentally checked out and I just go through the motions like a numb fossil.

Sometimes it's the person I thought I'd be by this age. Sometimes it's the partner I assumed I'd have by now, the children I imagined I'd have, or just the life I quietly assumed would unfold in a certain way.

And then there's another version of it that I've noticed in relationships.

I'll meet someone (friend or romantic pursuit), genuinely like them, but then randomly get an intuition that this isn't going to end well. And my brain immediately goes into the future, imagines the eventual ending, and somehow I'm already mourning it.

It's almost like I don't just experience things as they are. I experience the possibility of losing them alongside them.

I know some of this is probably just being way too pessimistic or realistic about life and relationships, but sometimes I wonder whether I'm protecting myself from disappointment by emotionally experiencing it in advance.

I’m curious if this happens to anyone else, especially with things like relationships, marriage, children, ageing, career, or the person you thought you'd become.

If you experience this, how do you deal with it? Do you let yourself grieve these imagined futures, or have you found a way to stop mourning things that haven't actually happened?

I’ve hit a pretty bad reading slump and I desperately need something that can pull me out of it. 😭

I’m looking for my next fantasy obsession based more on the kind of fantasy I enjoy than specific books that are similar.

I’ve really loved the world-building in books/series like Kindred’s Saga, Villains of Lore, Keri Lake’s books, Penryn & the End of Days, Angelfall, Gothikana, ACOTAR, Blade & Shadows, etc. I’ve read plenty of other fantasy too - these are just some examples of the kind of atmosphere/world-building that has really worked for me.

What I’m craving:

- Immense, immersive world-building. I want to feel like there’s an entire history, mythology and lore happening beyond the actual plot

-Magic, powers, supernatural creatures, monsters, gods, demons, different realms/species: give me ALL of it

- A strong FMC who can actually hold her own. Please no constantly whining/helpless protagonists

-Dark, gothic, dystopian or atmospheric settings are a huge plus

- Romance is very welcome, especially if the chemistry is GOOD

- Smut is absolutely welcome bonus points if it’s spicy and the book still has a genuinely good plot

- Morally grey characters, enemies-to-lovers, obsession, complicated relationships, etc. are all welcome

I’m not necessarily looking for the usual top 10 BookTok recommendations. Underrated/lesser-known gems would be amazing.

Basically, I need the kind of book that makes me forget that i have a life and suddenly has me staying up until 3 AM because I need to know what happens next.

Give me your “I wish I could erase my memory and read this again” recommendations. And tell me what you loved about them!

I’ve hit a pretty bad reading slump and I desperately need something that can pull me out of it. 😭

I’m looking for my next fantasy obsession based more on the kind of fantasy I enjoy than specific books that are similar.

I’ve really loved the world-building in books/series like Kindred’s Saga, Villains of Lore, Keri Lake’s books, Penryn & the End of Days, Angelfall, Gothikana, ACOTAR, Blade & Shadows, etc. I’ve read plenty of other fantasy too - these are just some examples of the kind of atmosphere/world-building that has really worked for me.

What I’m craving:

- Immense, immersive world-building. I want to feel like there’s an entire history, mythology and lore happening beyond the actual plot

-Magic, powers, supernatural creatures, monsters, gods, demons, different realms/species: give me ALL of it

- A strong FMC who can actually hold her own. Please no constantly whining/helpless protagonists

-Dark, gothic, dystopian or atmospheric settings are a huge plus

- Romance is very welcome, especially if the chemistry is GOOD

- Smut is absolutely welcome bonus points if it’s spicy and the book still has a genuinely good plot

- Morally grey characters, enemies-to-lovers, obsession, complicated relationships, etc. are all welcome

I’m not necessarily looking for the usual top 10 BookTok recommendations. Underrated/lesser-known gems would be amazing.

Basically, I need the kind of book that makes me forget that i have a life and suddenly has me staying up until 3 AM because I need to know what happens next.

Give me your “I wish I could erase my memory and read this again” recommendations. And tell me what you loved about them!

​

Okay, I've officially fallen down the perfume rabbit hole and I need recommendations. 😭

The only thing I cared about before was not stinking (i sweat so damn much!)

I'm trying to figure out my actual scent profile, and I'd love to hear from women who are really into perfumes.

So far, I've realised that I really enjoy patchouli, especially when it's blended with warm, woody, musky or slightly sweet notes. I also seem to like feminine floral/fruity scents when they have some depth to them, rather than being purely fresh, clean or powdery.

I'm open to designer, niche, luxury, Middle Eastern, Indian, affordable - basically anything that is nice. I don't really care about the brand or price at this point. I just want to find scents that make me genuinely obsessed.

I'm particularly looking for:

sensual / addictive scents

warm, woody, musky or earthy fragrances

patchouli, amber, vanilla, spice, woods etc.

feminine or unisex is fine

something distinctive rather than generic

preferably something I can sample/decant in India

Please give me the perfumes you personally LOVE, rather than just the most viral/popular ones. Tell me what they smell like and why you're obsessed with them.

Basically, I want the fragrance equivalent of “fu\*k, I need to keep smelling myself.” 😭🖤

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I’m a woman in my early 30s, and I’m looking to meet someone for a genuinely serious relationship, with marriage eventually being the intention.

I’m fairly independent and have a life of my own. I work in IT and am currently based out of NCR. I’m also the kind of person who can be quiet for hours and then suddenly become extremely invested in some completely random conversation. I value intelligence, curiosity, humour and emotional maturity more than having a perfectly polished personality.

I love travelling, reading, exploring random existential rabbit holes, and researching things I absolutely did not need to know.

I’d prefer to leave some things undisclosed here. If we end up talking, you can discover them yourself.

What I’m looking for:

Someone roughly in the age range of 30-36, emotionally available, reasonably self-aware, independent, and genuinely interested in marriage/long-term commitment.

About the new account: yes, it’s new. 😭 I’m mostly a Reddit lurker and use it for reading/researching things rather than posting, so I never had much of a profile to begin with. I realise a new account can look suspicious, but there really isn't an elaborate story behind it.

If you’re also looking for something serious and think we might have enough in common to make a conversation interesting, say hello and preferably tell me something about yourself.