How do i stop?
I don't know how to write something like this but i will try my best
I am 17 and become 18 in a couple of months i have been watching porn since 11-12 and masterbating since the 13 it was usually once or twice and in extremely rare cases 4 times
My parents didn't watch my history or look after my internet interactions when i was younger it was at night so usually they were sleeping
I want to stop for religious reasons i am Muslim
And for personal reasons because I feel shame I don't feel worthless but i feel like a loser that i will not become a man
And for medical reasons i want to have a child that has my family name for my parents to know that the name doesnt stop at me they didnt force me i want that
Every time i try to quit i come back the longest was 1 week every time i try to stop and pray i lose when i intend to pray the next day i do it again and again
Even when they caught me multiple times i just became less scared and shamed instead of stopping i just got better at hiding i dont know what to do at this point please i need help i have no one to talk to
I have friends and family but i cant talk to them about this
I even started getting scared that i wont be able to satisfy a wife and have kids if i even become something
I feel the shame i feel like I want to cry. Ithay need to cry but can't I feel tired and satire so please help me
I feel like a waste of time for my parents
i have an important year coming up and it will determine my future
I like gaming electric/coding writing a novle and farming and agriculture an plants
Every try just plummets me deeper so please I am done with this and want to quit i used to go to a gym for 2 mo but stop due to it closing didnt find an alternative bcs the rest are very expensive my situation is medium but the money have better uses so thats it my life my useless life they say i am strong intelligent kind and caring but all for what i am slim fat i have no connection with god or a useful skill i cant look my self at the mirror so please any one with a similar experience please i am all ears thank you if you say sth or no for reading my breakdown i will go sleep now