New here so sorry if this has been asked before. But, I am looking to not keep things repressed anymore and have been looking for a place to discuss my gender identity in a safe and respectful environment. Thank you in advance.
Not sure how to phrase what I’m feeling or if this is even the right place for it. This is going to come across more as journal entry so I’m sorry lol. I am having a hard time finding the right words to describe how I feel and feel silly coming and posting here (in an imposter syndrome way). I’m sorry if this doesn’t at all make sense. I wasn’t sure I was even going to post this because I may still have a little denial or not wanting to put any of my thoughts out to the world. Good chance I post this and go back to playing video games and not check on this for a while out of nervousness.
My entire life I have felt I am a guy, besides for like a few things when I was younger that I never really saw as a sign of anything (feeling a little differently towards gender swap episodes of shows, dressing as a girl for Halloween a few years in a row and kind of feeling really comfortable and happy) but this past year I’ve had some questioning of my gender and recently I have really come to grips that I wish I was a woman. The issue comes to I don’t know if I can or should do anything with that.
It’s complicated being as I have an entire life where I am seen as a man. I have a wife and a child, and many family members who have strong feelings towards the trans community. For my wife, I love her very much and we have a good life. She has always been supportive of me, but it comes down to I do not think she would still want to be with me if I started transitioning. Besides that, it would completely turn her life and others lives upside down and seems a little selfish to do that to people I care about.
Do I wish I was a woman? Absolutely, I do not really like my body or masculine features. Do I need to be to be happy? I do not think so. As for this moment right now, I do not feel as if I need to do anything with this discovery about myself. I do not feel as if going forward on this would be worth the drastic changes in my life and others. Not getting into the way the world views transgender people right now, because I am not sure I can deal with that sort of discrimination I see others have.
So basically the whole question I have is if I keep this pushed down and just in the back of my head for a while will it eventually get to a point where I’m miserable?
Secondary question: anyone know how to change Reddit username, made it years ago…. Seeing my name on here, I don’t love.