u/rasputinlovesdudes

I'm just not sure what to do. She blocked me today and I'm not even sure why as we were talking things out and even had plans for counseling together to make things better. I tell myself I don't want to get back with her, thats a lie, but what do want more than anything is to be able to right my wrongs.

I know I wasn't very good to her sometimes, we would get into little arguments about small stuff that didn't matter and afterwards we'd both feel bad but for some reason I would still hold on to that petty anger. We had a big argument about 1 week before we broke up. She's always had self confidence issues and I hated seeing her hate herself over things she couldn't control. I got angry and yelled about it saying that there's a reason why she drew me to her, a reason why I loved her so much, and a reason why she had so many friends, because she is kind, compassionate, and so empathetic to the point where it ends up hurting her instead.

I ended up telling her how I haven't been doing well mentally because there has been a lot of loss in my life recently. When she broke up with me she told me how she thought I was unstable and dangerous to be around because of my mental state. I never wanted to scare her.

I love her so much it genuinely hurts to think about. There isn't another person in this realm I could possibly think about being with and that scares me. I thought she accepted me for who I was, she told me she would stick with me through thick and thin, that no matter what happened she'd be there to support me, and I promised her the same. Now I can't be there to support her, I may never hear her voice again or be held by her. It brings me to my knees to think about it, about what we could of done together.

I'm sorry Michelle, I wish to hell and back that I could've been better to you. We could've built a life together, a stable and healthy one.

I know you've probably blocked this account. I miss you. I see you in my dreams a lot... distant, but ever present