u/raymundo92

Hey Fellow Ahedonian's

From ages 16 to 30 I had some gnarly depressive episodes with no obvious reasons why. I've always had a strong community around me, slept well, exercised regularly and ate healthy. Managed to get through them without medication. However have always felt like something was off with me due to how intense and prolonged the sadness episodes where.

I am now 34 and for the past 4 years I have had locked in a permanent Anhedonia state (non SSRI induced), complete numbness coupled with occasional intense pain states where it feels like my brain is on fire/poisoned or intense persistent discomfort. No pain medications help however thankfully I can still fall asleep in this state.

This pain state can last multiple days at a time, usually after a several days week I am on my hands and knees looking for any help (medication). This is where I cant resist any longer and end up trailing antidepressants.

I have recently been fortunate and completed a psychedelic assisted therapy program in Australia where I was able to do 2x high doses of psilocybin in a clinic setting (25mg and 35mg). Which was absolutely mind shattering and incredibly interesting/scary. I do see the benefit for a lot of people but unfortunately I did not get any long term benefits. (also after each dose I had a gnarly come down from 3-7 days which was incredibly tough)

I wasn't able to recall a lot of my journey's which made the integration difficult. Therefore they offered me the choice to switch to MDMA for the 3rd dose day.

MDMA was the only thing I have found that made me feel like myself again. I was able to reconnect with joy, contentment and excitement for the future. Which proves I am capable of still feeling all these positive emotions just my brain isn't producing the neurotransmitters to feel it. However it's very fleeting and have not been able to leverage any long term benefits either. Which now brings me back to wondering about trialling a new medication.

I have trailed venlafaxine, escitalopram and vortioxetine over the past few years to no avail.

I am currently living in Brasil with my partners family and considering using Ayahuasca as a hail mary but most likely will trial a new medication as its probably a safer option.

Has anyone been on a similar rollercoaster ?

Hey guys.

Would you try Nucala injections mainly to regain your sense of smell?

I had my first surgery 1.5 years ago, got great relief and return of my smell for about 3 months. Since then it has gradually declined.

I got checked by a ENT the other day, he said they have grown back and are grade 3/4. However I can breath pretty well, probably at 70% capacity.

I would like to mention I have pretty poor wellbeing/mental health and I’m wondering if my anosmia could be contributing.