u/realgreeniebeanie

I'm only 22(F). I know I have my whole life ahead of me. But I'm terrified my anxiety will take that away from me. I'm like a whole package. General anxiety, social, performance, anxious attachment, and the one that affects me most, driving anxiety.

I've only been driving for about 2 years. I really didn't want to get my permit or my license but I was pressured by everyone in my life. I got my license and my own car so I'm doing pretty good there. But I can't even enjoy my car to the fullest because I'm terrified.

I wanna go out, I wanna go spoil myself, see other people, go places, actually have fun. But I'm terrified, especially on the road. I hate how some roads are designed.

Whenever I absolutely need to go somewhere, I study and overanalyze the route for days before I need to go. I need to take a right somewhere so I want to stay in the right lane. But why does it turn into a right turn only lane sometime later? So I'd have to stay in the left lane but what if I can't merge by the time I need to make my turn because people are in the way? What's the parking situation like? What if parking is almost full and I have to maneuver into a spot between cars? Even on my drive to work which is less than 5 mins, I'm always anxious.

And when I'm there, I feel like I'm put on a pedestal and everyone is analysing every single one of my actions. I walk in, I'm embarrassed. I'm looking at stuff, I'm embarrassed. I'm checking out and the cashier asks me if I'm a member or something and my brain blanks out and I'm embarrassed.

It's so draining and I don't know what to do. I've been told to suck it up and show myself that it's not as bad, and I know it's not as bad. But I can't get myself to go get something I really really want if it's optional. I feel so trapped.