u/realperson1526

So this story is a bit long with a few players and I will try to tell it as simply as I can, because there's A LOT. I am a 39 year old female and I have been on and off methadone, mostly on since june 2014 when I found out I was pregnant with my second child. I had previously been on it during my first pregnancy in 2010 and It was the first time I had ever had anything work for my addiction. After dozens of detox centers, inpatient, outpatient and ugh the suboxone, I finally fell normal. After my first daughter was born healthy in June 2011, my family pressured me into coming off methadone. Trying to please them I started the process. The cravings were back and I relapsed when my daughter was almost 1. I would not call it a full blown relapse but I was using more and more. Before it got out of hand, I came clean to my family about my struggle, plus my daughter's husband was fully relapsed and not around at all so I was dealing with that too. I got back up on my methadone and felt better after spending 21 days in a inpatient. I was feeling positive then my mom was moving to Florida and it was either go with my mom (whis was in recovery at this point from alcohol) and live with her, who she is extremely triggering for me and I wanted to stop relying on my mom. I found a long term treatment program that would let my daughter live with me while I worked on my recovery and getting my head right. It was a 9-18 month residential treatment center and they told me they took people on methadone. Omg perfect! After about a week there they said that I had to start coming down on methadone. I lost it. I fought tooth and nail and eventually I was pressured AGAIN to detox. They went slow. It wasn't bad at first. I eventually got off fully but I wasn't taking the program seriously. I was angry, I was detoxing and eventually I broke and called my mom who i said fuck it, I will move to FL. So I had already relapsed before I left the treatment program. And off to Florida we went. Within a month of being in Florida I was fucked up again. I told me mom I needed a break to fix everything and if she could watch my daughter because I didnt want her around me if I was acting a fool. During this time my mom became legal guardian of my daughter. It was sopose to be temporary. During this time my stepfathers health was bad but he had a good pension with great benefits and my mom came up with the genius idea that "if me and your stepfather adopt her, its will only be so she can have a trust and the best benefits. Its really just a money thing, you will always be her mom. Its just paperwork.." i was completely against the idea, but the persistence and over the top love bombing , my mom was doing to me, made me feel safe. So papers were signed.

I went back to NY and my now husband was on suboxone and was giving it to me and it was helping. We did relapse fully but thats not the important part. I got pregnant again in 2014 and got on methadone immediately and have been on it ever since. My husband got on it as well and we moved back to florida , so I could be with my first first first daughter and she could be with her sister when she was born. Everything was beautiful.We had everything going for us..My mom was happy and saw how well the methadone did work, my husband and I were getting praised for being such good parents. That all changed 11 years ago on mother's day. Our beautiful beloved family was broken apart when our 3 month old passed away from SIDS.. Obviously this was a very traumatic experience for me and my husband. We were both suicidal and the only thing keeping us alive was my first born daughter that he obviously looked at like his own. We fools went to the psychiatrist and were diagnosed with PTSD among a few other things, and we were given a very strong cocktail of medication in beginning. Just to keep us from being hysterical all day. I will not lie to you that first year.I was in a haze. My mom eventually gets a new boyfriend.Because my stepdad passed away , and then one day me and my husband wake up in the apartment and the three of them are gone. My mom , my daughter and my mom is new boyfriend. What was there in their place, Was 2 letters, one from my mother to me ripping my self worth apart. Degrading me for the loser that I am and how disappointed she is that I couldn't pull it together Fast enough for her. My husband got a letter that said, if you want any chance in life, then get away from me.. that was 12 years ago and I haven't seen my daughter since. My mom is raising her and recently she reached out to me giving me some hope that my daughter might soon be ready to get to know me. In fact she is gonna be in NY in the next few weeks and she wants to see me, but my daughter said on FaceTime she won't see me because of the medication and im 'trading one drug for another'. HOW DOES A 14 YEAR OLD KNOW THIS? sounds like shit my mother says. I tried to explain that addiction is for life and it's somthing thats always with you. She said "no thats not true.." hmm I've heard that one before too! My alcoholic mother, who only drinks wine now and is no longer a addict, even tho she sets rules for herself like only drinking after a certain time 🙄 I just wanna see my baby girl grow up and know that I never wanted to leave her side and I just want her to know the real truth. My mom knows she fucked up with raising me and now she's making the same mistakes with my daughter. She thinks its her second chance. Would you want to see your mother under these circumstances?

I wanna thank you if you read this far.. I know that was a lot but it's what im going for.

TL;DR Did your family hate methadone for whatever reason and if so, did you make them understand?