u/rebomb33

Approaching 19. Since finishing high school with shitty grades, I've stayed shut in for more than a year, I think. It's taken an surprising physical toll on my body and mind despite my sedentary life. It's not new to me, I was frequently absent from school to bedrott; , but now without no pressure of 'attendance' I am free to live that life style in a consistent uninterupted manner. I guess the summer holidays were like the preview version of this.

What it was like:

-In the winter I recieved no sunlight, I slept from 7am, woke up at around 2pm, the sun would set at 4 and rise from 8 where I live even in the 'day' the skies would be grey. I've observed my circadian rhythm changing to accomdate this (I would still have 'energy' around 4am, harder to fall drowsy etc)

-My bones were aching, I lost weight, my appetite died out, my test was lower and my sex drive was basically dead. Muscles were the same.

-deprivation of dopamine, unfortunately it's now a chore to even sit through a movie or play a game, read novels/manga, tbh most of my life felt like this, but now it was to eleven.

-complete depletation of social skills (not that I had any), self explanatory, the last time I talked to someone that wasn't my mom/store clerk/pharmacist was last year.

-Dissociation and time confusion: I would struggle to tell the difference between a dream or reality, especially in winter with the long darkness.

-Feeling trapped in my mind; it's overbearing.

-Mental decline: my literary skills were the only thing I was 'good' at, it's gone now. It hurts to think hard.

Now I'm mostly just using antihistamines/alcohol everyday to daydream/sleep, my will to live is thinning. I wouldn't recommend NEETdom to anyone.