u/redeMption362

I thought it was pretty good, myself. June is a somewhat above-tolerable actress, & John was better, albeit still no Kris Kristofferson (RIP) as far as acting goes, but I enjoyed it & I think he did well in this role.

Far-fetched, of course, in that the people were so willing to give to this total stranger on the good Rev. Alden's supposed say-so (he could have been tortured for info) just because he looked the part. Nels flat-out caught him unlocking the valuables room in the dead of night, yet could not conceive of this slick, collared scoundrel ripping them off. Even more outlandish that he gave away all of that money after having bamboozled our good Walnut Grove populace, & the whole time I wondered:

🤔

How does he expect to live with all that money when Alden knows where he lives & all of Walnut Grove has seen his Man in Black face & knows his name?

He had his pivotal moment after Mary gave him her 🔥™️ HEAT-RAY MARY HATE-EYES 👁, so our good Rev. Alden let him sweat it out for a bit, then lied for him & left him beloved. Before he did, however, Rev. Alden looked as if he were about to compel his congregation to tar-&-feather this man for absconding with his preacher's attire & culminating his dastardly deed in church, & on the Sabbath no-less.

😔

The whole time we know, without a doubt, that he's going to have a change of heart, & it's sometimes obvious with his regretful second glances & whatnot.

😏

Still, he was a lovable, conniving, silver-tongued devil (can you tell I like Kris Kristofferson?) who brought a spunky, elderly lady back from the brink with a sea shanty:

🎶 My Bonnie lies over the ocean 🎶

🎶 My Bonnie lies over the sea 🎶

🎶 My Bonnie lies over the ocean 🎶

🎶 Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me 🎶

😈😇

Story - 6.5

The fact that Johnny & June Carter frickin' Cash were in it, & he's a whistling preacher con-man - 10

Be safe, ya'll. Don't drink & drive.

I'm about to come full circle in having seen all episodes, & upon my second viewing I love this one even more. Before I go on, please don't assume these — mean this is A.I. I have absolutely no clue how to use A.I., nor do I intend to. For the photo I used a collage & watermark app. That said, on to our episode:

This essentially starts with the good, yet questionable Reverend Alden convincing & driving Mary to teach the Children of the Corn. She instantly encounters hostility from all but a little girl, her mother, & a handsy, fresh teen boy.👺 The mother & girl start out scared & silent, but they become curious & cordial quickly enough.

The husband/father to the aforementioned mother/daughter serves as a secondary antagonist, but the big mama is🧙‍♀️Miss Rachel Peel, a funereal 🪦, gravely superstitious, illiterate old crone who believes in The Lord, cipherin', & ruling with an iron fist with what is essentially Munchausen-by-proxy. She clearly despises our beautiful, learned blonde heroine upon first sight. 👀

Cut through a few school & home scenes⏩ (she's staying with the previously mentioned family) where the poor mother asks who the president is, & Mary has to correct her old man when he says "U.S. Grant", when in-fact it's uh, Rutherford B. Hayes, uh Booboo. In another scene, Mary gets heated after the decrepit, bushy-eyebrowed hillbilly calls her a liar for talkin' bout telephones. A fantasy, it tis. He also believes her ridiculously modest dress is inappropriate for supper, schoolmarmin' 🍎, or otherwise.

One of the highlights is a scene where the handsy backwoods rapscallion wants some off-campus learnin' (cipherin' & anatomy), & she straight turns his head back with her ™️ Mary bitch-slap. Ms. Peel apparently sees all of this, yet she brands the horndog a child of the devil & Mary a Jezebel. After this young buck's freaky Pappy comes to accuse her of witchcraft, in the dead of night & in her slip, our Mary absconds to Walnut Grove in tears.

After a heart-to-heart with Pa (RIP; Happy B-Day), & ever stalwart, she returns to The Village of the Damned with vengeance in her soul & book-learnin' in her brain. She makes it known Pa is there as a ride & moral support only. After an intense showdown, featuring a last-ditch attempt at invoking Biblical lightning, our brassy Mary finally lays it down for this pathetic hag & says the line that's my flair: YOU. CAN'T. READ. She then quotes some scripture about love & working together, & the beast is slain as the troll finally concedes & welcomes Mary as brethren because it's basically either that or be tarred-&-feathered. Yes, the village has seemingly awaken 👁 from its trance.

True illiteracy is horrible, but if I wanna see that I'll watch The Fires of Ignorance on Gunsmoke. I'm down with serious storylines 100%, but this is just too far out there. 🚀

You cannot make up better lines of dialogue than those featured within:

➗ "Old ways are best. Cipherin' & the Lord's word is all any man ever needs." ✝️

🗣 "When your pa hears, he'll rip your soul clean! Get to home!" 🏡

💃 "Jezebel! Flauntin' your flesh in temptation's rainment. You will burn! Oh, you will burn!" 🔥

👹 "You are—a sinful stench in the nostrils of the righteous!" 🐽

🧼 "Soap & water. If I brought any odor into this house, that's what it is—plain soap & water." 💦

😱 "Are you trying to scare me?! Are you gonna call down the lightning?! Do it, Ms. Peel! Do it!" ⚡

🚫 "Read it! Just read it!—YOU. CAN'T. READ." 📚

Kneel🦵& retain 🤯 what you're able 🦧, hag.🧙‍♀️ This scholarly Ingalls girl has just outfoxed 🦊 you.

This should be an easy one for you die-hards.

Just made this. Hope y'all like.

Especially enjoyed seeing Timothy Scott in this comedic role six years before he played Pea Eye Parker in Lonesome Dove (my favorite film; third photo is from it.)